


Like the stars

by Iloveyou0418



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: 1940s, Blood and Gore, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Discipline, F/F, F/M, Graphic Description, Gunshot Wounds, Kinda, M/M, Medical Procedures, Multi, OFC - Freeform, Original Character(s), Polyamory, Polygamy, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Spanking, Trauma, War, World War II, bad things happen later on, it is mentioned, just trust me, just wait, non traditional marriage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 49,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25154815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iloveyou0418/pseuds/Iloveyou0418
Summary: Mary Rogers-Barnes is the wife/soulmate of Steve and Bucky, and a damn good nurse. Polygamy was just legalized in the US. They have known they were soulmates since they were 15, how will their relationship last when both her husbands left to go fight Nazis?I am super bad at summaries! I promise this is good! Mary is a WW2 nurse who enlists in the WAC after both her husbands ship out to war. This is her story. Follow her through the good times and the bad. Please give it a read!
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Original Female Character(s), James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s), Steve Rogers/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 32
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Old World Romance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2385611) by [Ookami_Hime](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ookami_Hime/pseuds/Ookami_Hime). 



> Hi all!  
> So this is my new story, I was inspired by a lot of 1940's fics with Bucky/Steve/OFC. So this is my take on it!  
> This has some dom/sub undertones, but that was common back then (to my understanding).  
> I promise this isn't total trash, and I quite like writing this story. Please give it a chance!!!
> 
> Most of the inspiration came from Ookami_Hime 's Not the Standard Unit series, if you haven't already go check it out!!

I sighed as I stared at the paper in my hands. I had gotten off my shift at the hospital two hours ago, but had just gotten home not even twenty minutes ago. My foot tapped nervously as I fiddled with the pen in mer hand. I had passed a tent on her way home, one with a large poster for the Army Nurse Corps. Buck and Steve would be furious if they found out I took one of their flyers and an application. 

Bucky had gotten his draft papers three weeks ago, and was at base training right now. The day he opened that letter was the day Steve’s and my heart broke. The three of us got married in spring of last year, when multiple mate relationships were legalized. It was a small affair, just the three of us at the courthouse. Before he left for training, he made Steve swear to protect me at all costs, which was insane since Steve was a toothpick waiting to be broken. He also had drug me to the bedroom and threatened me with his belt if he found out I even thought about trying to join the military. 

Why I couldn't serve my country was beyond me. He was out there, preparing to lay his life on the line while me stayed home and played housewife. It was horse shit. I sighed and ran my fingers through my now messy curls. 

It had been a long day at the hospital, too many people coming in with injuries or sickness nowadays. Things were tense around the world, and Brooklyn wasn't immune to it. I looked back down at the poster, the pretty gal on there was smiling as Uncle Sam put a nurse's hat on her head. That could be me. me bit my lip as me began filling out the application. It needed my name, marital status, age, and experience. They wanted women who had their nursing licenses, which I have had a little over a year. After high school, I went through a three year training program in Brooklyn, and was licensed by the time I was twenty. 

Steve, Bucky and I met when I was fifteen. Only a few years younger than they were. We found out we shared the same three marks on the playground at school when one of the boys pulled my skirt up, showing the red star on my thigh and a red, white and blue circle with a star in the middle on my hip, and a caduceus on the back of my thigh. Bucky saw the boy bullying me, and beat the snot out if him. That was also when I found out they were my soulmates. Not that I believed them, so they pulled their pants off to show their matching marks. Ever since then, we have been inseparable. 

Now, here I was, six years later. I was in our shared apartment, wishing our missing mate were here. I missed my husband terribly, and while Steve was my other husband and I loved him to bits, there always felt like something was missing without Bucky. I was so busy lost in my own mind that I didn't even hear Steve come through the front door. “Hey, Mary. What are ya looking at?” he asked, startling me. I jumped, quickly trying to grab the poster and application off the table. 

“Steve! I didn't even hear ya come in!” I exclaimed, pulling the papers under the table, flashing him a smile. He looked at me skeptically, “what was that?” he asked, nodding towards the table. “Oh, just some papers they gave us at the hospital. We have a training seminar tomorrow.” me lied, feeling mer cheeks heat a little. I knew he’d find me out, I was a terrible liar. Both he and Bucky always told me that. 

“Uh huh. What’s the training on?” he nodded, stuffing his hands in his pocket and leaning against the counter. “Uh, infections.” I said, a little too quickly. My heart was beating in my chest, but I tried to act normally. He nodded, not believing me in the slightest. “Alright, just as long as ya aren't doing anything you're not supposed to. I’d hate to have to write to Bucky about you misbehaving.” he said, walking to the living room. 

“He sent you a letter.” Steve said, holding up the envelope. I jumped up and ran over to grab it, but he held it away from his body. “What are the papers?” he asked, looking at my hand where they were still clutched. “Nothin. Give me that.” I said, getting on my toes to try and grab the letter. 

Steve may be small, but I wasn't much bigger than him. He was 5’4, and I was 5’5 on a good day, with heels. We were basically the same height, but I knew I weighed more than him. I wasn't hefty, but I had a figure. It was one of the things they loved about me. 

“On a count of three, we trade.” he said. Ah, to hell with it. I nodded. “One...two….three!” he said, and we both quickly swapped. I tore the letter from his hands, running back to the kitchen. My heart fluttered as I read the letter from Bucky. 

_My beloved wife,_

_I hope you and Stevie are staying out of trouble, I miss you both a lot._

_I was promoted to Sergeant, but don't tell Steve. I want to tell him in person._

_Word is we are heading to Europe soon, the whole 107th. I don't want you to worry too much, we will be alright._

_They are letting us come home before we leave, but I’m not sure when that will be._

_I miss you so much, I miss everything about you. When it rains, I think of your smile, and things are brighter. I can’t wait to hold you, baby. Keep waiting for me, I’ll be home soon._

_I love you, like the stars._

_yours truly,_

_James._

I wiped my eyes, a few stray tears had fallen as I read the letter. Europe, that was a long way from Brooklyn. I looked to see Steve standing there with his arms crossed, holding the papers. “You okay?” he asked me. I nodded, using the corner of my work apron to dab my eyes. I needed to change out of that. I reached behind me to untie the apron, pulling it over my head to drape on the chair. “Yea, I’m okay.” I said, now only in my dress, stockings and shoes. 

He held up the papers with a questioning look, “I thought we talked about this?” he asked. I blushed and looked away. “I have no reason to stay here and play homemaker, Steve. Men are out there dying, and they need nurses to help them. I’m good at what I do, why would I stay at the hospital?” I asked as I began pulling down bowls for dinner. It wasn't going to be much, some boiled chicken and bread. 

“You know dang well why, Buck asked me not to. He doesn't want ya to be exposed to war.” he said. “Well what about me? Don't act like me havent been fudgin your enlistment forms. I know, I saw them.” I said harshly, turning to look at him. He let out a sigh, looking away for a second before refocusing back on me. “You’re right, but I’m a man. Men are supposed to be fighting, women are-” “Supposed to stay home. Yea, I know. I don't need to hear it again.” I said, filling the pot with water. 

“I just dont think it's fair.” I sighed, setting the water on the stove before lighting it to heat. “I know, doll. You make that very clear. Go wash up, I’ll come get ya when the water is boiling.” he said, gently pushing me to the back room before placing a swat on my backside. 

I walked to the bedroom and closed the door. I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled off my oxfords before standing up. I slipped off my dress, laying it on the bed before grabbing a light weight dress and putting it on.

I walked to the bathroom and carefully started unpinning my hair, placing my clips in the dish I kept on the sink. Bucky hated it, he said he always knocked it over when he was brushing his teeth. I say it's just him being clumsy, Steve has never complained about it before. I brushed out my curls, letting my dark hair settle to its place past my shoulders. Once I felt semi presentable, I walked back out to join Steve. 

He was sitting on the couch, he was still in his day clothes but had since taken off his tie and over jacket. “Feel better?” he asked, not even looking up from his sketch. “Much.” I said, peeking over his shoulder. “Hey, get outta here.” he said, using the sketch pad to swat at me. I laughed and walked to the kitchen, noting the water was just starting to boil. I placed some chicken in the water, and looked for something else to add to it. 

I hated cooking like this, my ma taught me so much better than this. But, rent in Brooklyn wasn't necessarily cheap, and being a nurse did not pay much. Steve worked the odd jobs here and there, but still. Food was hard to come by with the rations. I found some salt in the cupboard and some carrots. I chopped the carrots and threw them in with the chicken before sprinkling salt in. “It’ll be ready soon.” I said, hanging around the kitchen. Steve replied with a quiet ‘thank you’. 

I looked to the counter where Steve had set the papers and bit my lip. I peeked to make sure he was still busy before grabbing my pen and finished the application. When I heard a rustling from the living room, I shoved it into one of the drawers, not paying attention to which one. I let out a slow breath, before looking back to Bucky’s letter. 

I ran my hand down it, feeling the indentation on the paper of where he pressed hard on it to write. I imagine he wrote it against his legs, using them as a hard surface to write. I let out a little smile at the thought. He was always so smart, even in school. I remember him helping me with my school work like it was nothing. Back when the world wasn't at war and we had no other cares in the world. 

\----

“Goodbye Patti! I’ll see you tomorrow!” I called as I left the ward. She called her goodbye and I began the walk home. I watched some boys playing in the streets with a smile. Brooklyn was always lively. It had been three days since I got Bucky’s letter, and I was a ball of nerves as I thought about him leaving. 

We had listened to the radio today on our break, and they were talking about the horrible things going on with the war. Thousands of people were dying, they shoved them in prisons like animals. The details became too gruesome our lead nurse made us turn it off. 

The walk to our apartment wasn't awful, and I made it home within twenty minutes. I quickly climbed the stairs, my heels clacking as I did so. I pulled out my key from my apron pocket to open the door, but was surprised to see it was already unlocked. Huh, guess Steve made it home before me. 

I opened the door and walked in, closing it behind me. “Honey?” I called, undoing my shoes at the door. I had cleaned the floors with soap and water yesterday, so now we were trying our best to keep them clean. “In here.” I heard him say in a weak voice. My heart sank, was he sick?  
  
I rushed into the kitchen, and stopped in my tracks, causing me to slide in my stockings. I collided with the counter, not so gracefully falling on my side. “Shit.” I said, with a little grunt. “Language.” I heard two voices say in unison. My head whipped up, and sure as shit, my second husband was there. He was standing in his uniform, less his hat, holding a bag of frozen peas to Steve’s eye. “Bucky!” I yelled, getting up and running to him. 

Thank god he knew me and knew to be ready for me to jump in his arms, otherwise we both would have gone tumbling to the ground. He laughed, “Hi baby.” he said, giving me a long kiss. I felt tears start to leak out of my eyes, he was home. He pulled away from me and smiled. “Oh, Mary. Don't cry, doll. It’s okay.” he said, wiping my eyes with his thumbs. I let out a wet laugh, pulling him in for a kiss again. 

We kissed for a moment, before Steve coughed a little. We pulled apart and Bucky set me on my feet. “Can it, punk. I’m seein my wife for the first time in weeks. I don’t get to lay with her every night like you.” he said. Steve and I both laughed a little at that. I kissed him once more before looking at Steve. “Jesus, Stevie. Did he hit you with a baseball bat?” I asked, crouching so I could look at the damage done. He had a busted lip and a large shiner on his eye. There was a cut on his temple, which didn't need stitches, but could use a cleaning. “No, just his fist.” he mumbled, looking up at me. 

I hummed, before skirting around Bucky to grab the first aid kit in the kitchen drawer. I opened the drawer, and immediately slammed it closed when I saw the Army Nurse Corps papers in there. Both Steve and Bucky looked at me when I slammed it. Steve had a knowing look on his face when he saw my reaction, while Bucky looked confused. “What's wrong? A mouse get in there?” Bucky asked with a smile. My heart began thudding harder and I forced myself to laugh a little. “Uh, no. I just, uh. I remembered I put the first aid kit in the bathroom.” I stammered out. He raised his eyebrow and tried to reach for the drawer. 

I moved my body in front of it, blocking him from opening it. He gave me a look, I knew his mind was reeling. “Mary, move, please.” he said in his deep voice. I shook my head, not wanting him to see the papers. “Mary.” Steve said from his place at the table. “Shut it, Steve.” I hissed, looking back to Bucky. Now Bucky looked irritated. He grabbed me and picked me up, making me squeal, and set me aside as if I were a ragdoll. “Bucky, please.” I tried, but knew better than to stop him. 

My momma may have raised a stubborn daughter, but she didn't raise me to disrespect my husbands. Bucky gave me a look that made me look to the ground in shame, before he opened the drawer. I heard him take in a large breath, before setting the papers on the counter with a large sigh. “Shoulda known.” he said in a low tone. “Buck…” I said, wanting to explain myself. “First, I find my husband in an alley getting pummeled, and find out he is lyin on his forms again. Now, I find my wife is trying to enlist without my permission.” he said, looking me in the eyes. 

“I ain't tryin to enlist!” I insisted, because I wasn't. I wasn't going to the front lines, I just wanted to help those that were. “Really? Because I know what these nurses do, you might as well pick up a gun yourself and fight.” he said, slamming his hand on the counter. I flinched a little at the loud sound, but held my ground. “Why shouldn't I? You went and enlisted! Why can't I?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Because I don't want my wife out there seeing the shit I have to! Mary, this is war! This isn't the hospital, you aren't helping people who are sick or scraped their knees. You are helping the dying men who had their bodies ripped apart. Do you know what a body looks like after it has been hit with a bomb?” he asked in an angry tone. I pursed my lips, but shook my head. “No. You don't. I will not allow you to do this. Do you hear me? This? No.” he said, ripping the paper in half. I huffed, annoyed. I looked away in anger, but did not dare argue. My ma’s voice rang in my head, ‘ _Never argue with your husband. What he says goes._ ’ She was a traditional woman before she died, always respected my pa and what he asked. I respected Bucky, but I wasn’t about to lay belly up for him. 

Bucky sighed before wrapping me in a large hug, and I couldn't help but melt into it. “I know you want to help, baby. I know you do. But I can't let ya. Out there, I can't make sure you're safe. Here, I know you're still goin to work. I can at least make sure you're alive and okay.” he said quietly. Every month he, like many other husbands in the war, had the hospital send him my work logs. It had become popular when women said they were out at work, but were actually having affairs. 

Bucky did it so he knew I was alive and well. He had asked me if he could do it before he left, and I agreed easily. If I could get his work log when he was in Europe, I would. But unfortunately, the Army did not provide that type of thing. He titled my head up, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Go get dolled up, we are goin out.” he said, swatting my bottom. “To where?” I asked with a small smile. He gave me a bigger one before replying, “the future.” 

I scampered off to the bedroom before I started getting ready. Bucky grabbed a hand mirror and my makeup before bringing to the bedroom. I looked at him confused, “I hafta deal with Stevie. Don’t come out until I tell you too. You will get yours later.” he said before closing the door. 

My heart sank, Bucky had promised both Steve and I a strapping with the belt if we did anything dumb while he was gone. He even told me specifically not to even try to get in with the Corps. Shit. I let out a long sigh, before going to get ready. I pulled off all of my work clothes, setting them aside for tomorrow. I stood there in my slip, trying to find a dress for tonight. I flinched when I heard the crack of the belt and Steve’s cry. I tried to ignore it, but it made my stomach churn. Steve and I were no strangers to Bucky’s strong hand, or his swing. 

I forced myself to focus on the task at hand. I grabbed an emerald green dress with a satin waist and a flowy skirt. Bucky had bought it for me for our one year anniversary and I adored it. I set it on the bed and grabbed a pair of stockings that had a black seam going down the back. I hardly wore these anymore, they stopped making stockings when the war broke out, so I wanted to preserve them for as long as possible. I grabbed a pair of black heels to go with the dress and set them on the bed. 

I grabbed my makeup bag and began getting ready. In reality, I was one of the women who got lucky when the war hit. My husbands knew sometimes I struggled to see my own beauty, and always made sure I had things to keep myself dolled up. I usually only wore lipstick to work, but I had the option of wearing makeup if I wanted to. 

I began swiping the powder foundation on my face, making sure to swipe up like my ma taught me. I grabbed my lipstick and tapped it onto my cheeks, giving some color to my face. I smoothed my eyebrows down with some jelly I used for my hair, making sure they looked decent. I then took my mascara tin and added a little water to it, before brushing it onto my eyelashes. I loved this part, even though I didn't wear it often, the mascara made my eyes look wide and open. 

The door opened, and I jumped a little. “Just me, doll. Ya almost ready?” Bucky asked, teasingly. I gave him an unimpressed look, which made him laugh and hold his hands up in surrender. “I know, I know. A lady needs her time. Gotta say, I don't remember the last time I saw ya so dolled up.” he said, sitting down next to me on the bed. “That’ll happen when you leave your wife to fight a war. Steve sees me dressed up” I sassed. He moved my hair off my shoulder, before leaning in to kiss my neck gently. “And undressed too. Little punk.” he murmured into my skin. 

“Buck, stop. I won't get done any faster if you distract me.” I said, trying to apply my lipstick while he kissed me. “Don't mind me, doll.” he murmured, nipping a little at my skin. I giggled and nudged him off of me. “Think my hair looks okay to wear out?” I asked, looking up from the mirror I was holding. “You’re beautiful, doll. You could wear a potato sack and you’d still be the prettiest gal in the world.” he said. 

I blushed a little, putting down my mirror. I stood up and was quickly swooped into his arms. He dipped me backwards and kissed me, but not hard enough to mess up my lipstick. I smiled when he brought me back up. I grabbed my dress and unbuttoned the back so I could pull it over my head. Once I got mostly situated, Bucky was right behind me to button it for me. He kissed my shoulder and let me slip my shoes on. 

“Ready?” he asked. I nodded, “ready.” I said with a smile. He opened the bedroom door and we walked out. Steve was sitting on the couch, his eyes a little red around the edges. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile. “You look beautiful, Mary.” he said. I blushed a little, “thanks, Stevie.” I said. He had put on one of his nice shirts Bucky got him for our anniversary and a new tie, the one not covered in his own blood. He shrugged his coat back on, ready to go. “Alright guys, let’s go.” Bucky said, holding his arm out to me. 

\----

Bucky surprised Steve and I by taking us to the Stark Expo. I couldn't believe the things I was seeing! There was technology everywhere, and I couldn't help but look around in wonder. Steve and Bucky were lagging behind and talking quietly. I was walking ahead when someone suddenly grabbed my arm. I turned quickly with a raised fist, thinking back to all those times Bucky told me to sock any man who tried to grab me, but lowered it when I saw it was the man himself. “Damn, babe. Glad you take my words to heart.” he said with a smile. 

They guided me through the expo, each one of them keeping a hand on me in some fashion. Steve’s hand would brush against my lower back, and Bucky had his fingers laced with mine. Having two husbands was becoming more common, as more people had more than one mark, but the traditional people out there still frowned on trios. “Guys, come on the show is about to start!” I exclaimed, pulling them a little faster towards the growing crowd. “Easy, doll.” Bucky chastised, but I ignored him and fought our way through the crowd. It was a good thing Bucky was quick and grabbed Steve’s hand. 

“Ladies and gentleman! Howard Stark!” the woman’s voice rang out from the speakers. I bounced on my heels a little. Howard Stark was the handsome bachelor who made incredible things here in New York. He came out on to the stage, before handing off his hat to one of the women and pressing a kiss to her lips. “Ladies and gentleman. What if I told you that in a few short years, your automobile wont even have to touch the ground at all?” he asked. 

I looked back at my husbands with a gasp, seeing them both smiling, before looking back to the stage where the four women had since grabbed the wheels off of the car. Howard Stark pressed something on his podium, before the car started floating in the air. “No way.” I breathed out, amazed. “Holy cow.” Bucky said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. The car crashed back on the ground, making me jump. His arm tightened on me, but I felt him laughing. “I did say a few years, didn't I?” he laughed into the microphone. 

Bucky released his hold on me, “Hey Steve. What do you say we take our girl-” he stopped, turning around. I looked back at Bucky, seeing his eyes scanning the crowd. I also noticed Steve was nowhere to be found at that moment. “Buck? Where is Steve?” I asked, looking around his frame for our soulmate. Bucky’s eyes landed on a recruiting sign, before he let out a large sigh. “That little shit.” he murmured, grabbing my hand and dragging me away from the crowd. “Buck, I don’t think-” I started, but shut my mouth when he gave me a look. “You don’t?” he asked, still dragging me behind him. I sighed, shaking my head. “No. You are probably right.” I said, quickening my pace to try and keep up with him. 

He walked with fast steps to the recruiting center. We walked to the front of the building, where he dropped my hand. “Stay here.” he said, before walking into the building, where no doubt Steve was. 

I looked around, rocking on my heels as I waited for Steve and Bucky. My eyes landed on another recruiting center, one for women. I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't do it. I chanted to myself, but the pull was strong. Before I could even take a step towards it, I heard my husband’s voice ring out. “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” he said. I turned and saw him walking backwards towards me. “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” Steve said. I smiled at the two, guess Bucky was letting him try his luck one more time. Bucky shook his head, walking forward to embrace Steve. 

“Don't win the war till I get there!” Steve called. Bucky turned around to salute him, before walking down the stairs back to me. “So, you want to go dancin, or have a night in?” he asked me once he was next to me. I watched as Steve turned around, walking back into the recruitment center. “You really gonna let him go?” I asked, nodding towards Steve. He sighed, wrapping his arm around my waist and guiding me away. “Dont ya worry about that.” he said as he guided me from the expo, past the dance hall. “How about we have some husband and wife time?” he asked, stopping to kiss me. I smiled into the kiss, “I get that all the time with Steve.” I said. He laughed, shaking his head. “He will join us later.” he murmured, taking my hand and dragging me towards the direction of our apartment. 

\----

Bucky rolled off of me, pulling the sheet over him as he did so. My chest was heaving, but I smiled as he got on his side to look at me. “You’re beautiful.” he said with a dopey smile. He had lipstick smeared over his lips, neck and chest, but it didn't make him any less attractive. “Stop it.” I said, hiding my face into his chest. 

His arms wrapped around my body, pressing a kiss to my head. We sat in silence, before he broke the ice. “I'm still gonna punish ya for the trying to enlist, but before we do that, you gotta promise you won't try again while I’m gone.” he said softly, running his fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes, and shook my head. “I can't, Buck.” I said quietly, making him sigh. “Baby, please.” he begged, his eyes holding a flicker of desperation. 

I lifted my head from his chest, and was met with his blue eyes filled with tears. I gave him a small smile, bringing my hand to rest on his face. “How am I gonna protect my husband if I ain't out there with him?” I asked. He let out a pained noise, a tear falling from his eye. “And how am I gonna protect my wife if she aint at home?” he asked quietly. I sighed, wiping his tears away. “I just wanna help, Buck. I can help, I can. I won't be a field medic, I will stay at the base. But I am the best on my unit, I can't let that go to waste. I was the best in my class.” I said, trying to convince him. 

He gave me a tired look, and shook his head. “I can’t baby. I really can’t. I know if you are married you need your husband’s signature, and I won’t sign it. I know it breaks your heart, but I gotta protect you. I can’t lose you in this war.” he said, pulling me closer and intertwining our legs. “And what if I lose you?” I asked, my own tears filling my eyes. “You won’t. I’m tough as a rock.” he insisted. “Ya ain't that tough. Remember when I had to give you stitches when you got hit in the head with a rock?” I asked. It was two years ago, I was still in training for nursing, and he was working down at the docks. He was walking home and found some assholes picking on Steve, so he naturally went to help him, getting himself hit in the head with a rock. 

He walked into the apartment that day with a smile and a bleeding head. I had to pull out the first aid kit and give him stitches above his eye, and he whined like a little girl the whole time. “Ah, that was different. I am much tougher now.” he said with a smile. I rolled my eyes, but did not dispute it. He was silent, but he seemed like he wanted to say something. “Spit it out, Buck.” I said, looking up at him through my lashes. 

He smiled, and grabbed my left hand, kissing my wedding ring. “I just love you. So much.” he said. “I love you too.” he smiled. “My love for you is like the stars.” he started, making my eyes fill with tears. “You may not always see it, but it is always there.” I finished.

He kissed my temple hard, pulling me even closer. “We will make it, baby. I promise.” he whispered. “Now let’s get this whole punishing thing outta the way.” he said, getting out of bed. I groaned, pulling the sheet off my body and standing up. “Over my lap, doll.” Bucky said, already holding the leather belt in his hand. With a huff, I draped my body across his lap and prepared myself for what was about to come. 

\----

Steve held my hand tightly as we waved at the train full of men. Bucky was leaving for England. For who knows how long. I was a mess, sobbing into my handkerchief. “You take care of our girl, Stevie!” he yelled as he hung outside of the window. Steve nodded, tears filling his own eyes. The train let out a whistle, and I began sobbing harder. “I love you, Mary. I love you, Steve. I love you both so much!” he yelled as the train began pulling forward. “I love you, too. You come back to me!” I yelled, waving to him. “Be good until I get back!” he yelled. Steve called out his love, also waving goodbye to our husband. 

We watched the train leave, until we couldn't see it anymore. Slowly, people began leaving the station, but neither Steve or I made a move to do so. “Mary. I need to tell you something.” he said after a minute. I nodded, letting him know he could tell me. “I was accepted into the Army.” he said, and I began sobbing even harder. I was losing both of my guys in one day. “I head to base at the end of the month.”

It felt like my whole world was crumbling, and I slowly sank to my knees. Steve held me as we sat on the ground, letting me sob into his chest as my heart broke in two. “I’m so sorry. But I need to go.” he whispered hoarsely. I nodded, I knew he did. But I didn’t want him to. “I love you.” he said, rocking us gently as I cried into his chest on the floor of the train station. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do we think? Love it, hate it? Let me know!!
> 
> I made a Pinterest board for this fic! It will be updated as the story moves along, so if you are reading this in the future, watch out as there might be spoilers!
> 
> Here is the link: https://pin.it/4D3Wgvi
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! See you next time :)  
> -B


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!  
> I am so happy to see so many people have looked into this story!  
> Thank you guys for your support! I appreciate it so much!  
> Enjoy this chapter! Fair warning, there are some time jumps in it, hopefully, they aren't too confusing!

June 1943

Weeks went by, and Steve had left for base training. I went through the motions of each day, feeling numb. Days went to weeks, and from weeks into months. Every day I came home to an empty apartment, it was far too quiet for my liking. Today had been one of the hardest days since both Steve and Bucky had left. My lead nurse had pulled me aside today, expressing her concern for my emotional health. She also informed me that she would be forced to write a letter to my husbands, the head of the household who was also my emergency contact, expressing this concern. Also great, just what I needed. 

I began working double shifts at the hospital a few weeks ago, sometimes working more than fourteen hours in one day. I didn't want to be home alone, so what else was I supposed to do? The emergency room nurses were great, they taught me so many new things the longer I stuck around, especially at night when the bad cases came in. Trauma had become my forte, I was very good at treating and stabilizing patients with traumatic injuries. 

I was walking home, when it began to rain. Fantastic. As if today were not horrible enough already, New York weather decided to rain in the Summer. I swore once Steve left and I was left alone, my world went to shit. My neighbor, Dolores, tried to invite me over for dinner almost every night, but I would always decline. Like me, her husband was out serving in the war, but she had two children to take care of too. It made my heart ache for her, I couldn't even imagine what her life was like right now. If I had to take care of children on top of myself, well I would probably end up in the looney bin. 

I finally made it home, soaked to the bone, and trudged up the stairs. My feet sloshed in my heels, making me grimace as my stockings soaked through. I would have to hang them on the furnace tonight to dry out for work tomorrow. I heaved a large sigh once I made it to the apartment, once again met by a deafening silence. I took my shoes off, carrying them to the sink where I dumped water out of them. My wet stockings left wet foot marks on the wooden planks, but I couldn't bring myself care. I felt numb, unsure of what to do with myself anymore. I turned on the radio that was in the kitchen, allowing the music to fill the quiet room. 

I walked to the living room and turned on the furnace, placing my shoes upside down on it before doing the same with the rest of my clothes. I walked back to the kitchen to try and force myself to eat, halting when I heard the song playing from the radio. It was our wedding song. The Way You Look Tonight by Fred Astaire was playing softly, and a sob made its way through my mouth. I leaned against the kitchen wall, a hand over my mouth as I sobbed. I slowly slid down the wall, my knees pressed against my chest as I felt my whole world breaking apart. I had never felt so alone before, and all I wished for was my husbands to come home. 

\----

I stared at the glass of whiskey on the table, I usually wasn't a drinker, but I needed something strong to do this. There was an envelope in front of me with Bucky’s handwriting on it. It has been almost two weeks since my lead wrote to him and Steve with her concern about me. No doubt, this was in response to that. Steve’s would come a little later, it was harder to get time to respond to mail while in base training. 

With a shaking hand, I tossed back the whiskey and opened the letter. 

_My darling Mary,_

_Words cannot even describe how much I miss you right now. I think about holding you and Steve all the time, what you two feel like in my arms. The thought of doing so again is what keeps me sane here. My bunk mates are awful, they snore worse than you._

_I received a letter the other day from Ms. Helen about you when they sent me your work log. I am worried about you, Mary, as are they. I know you are struggling with Steve and I being gone, but you need to take care of yourself. You will work yourself to death if you continue like this._

_I am over here to protect you, and I cannot do that when you are harming yourself. I love you so much, darling. You and Steve are my everything. Promise to take good care of yourself._

_I would give anything in the world to help you through this, but I can’t. Things are getting bad here, I have seen some horrible things. When I close my eyes, I think of all the terror I have seen. You would love Europe, but not when it is like this. I will take you here when all this is over. I promise._

_Until then, be strong my love. I will be home before you know it. My love for you is endless, like the stars. I swear to you, even when you might not feel my love, or see it, it is there for you. Take care of yourself, Mary._

_All my best,_

_James B. Barnes (Your Husband)_

I dropped the letter before shoving my face into my hands, taking deep breaths to calm down. My poor Bucky. He was out there, sleeping in the cold, fighting a war while I sat here like a miserable housewife. He took the time to write to me, even when he was dealing with his own struggles. I was so lucky to have him and Steve, but how could I sit here while he is out there lying down his life for the country? I could help, I needed to. I was a good nurse, Ms. Helen, my lead, told me all the time. 

I pulled myself together, wiping my tears away as I looked back to the clock on the wall. It was already almost ten at night. I forwent any thought of eating dinner, and got up to grab some paper and a pen. 

_My Beloved Bucky,_

_I miss you, darling. I am sorry for making you worry, but you just focus on winning that war for me. It is late now, but I cannot sleep._

_I broke out some of your whiskey, sorry about that. I know I shouldn't drink alone, but I needed something to take the edge off. Dolores from next door offered me dinner again, her boys are getting so big. I know it has only been a little while since you have left, but the radio said some things today that made me worry._

_Is it true they are taking American soldiers? You better not let them take you, I will walk to Germany myself if they do._

_I promise to take care of myself, but before I do that, I must do something you will not like. Tomorrow is my day off, and I am going to the recruitment center. I am going to request to be sent overseas, hopefully I might be able to meet up with you. I know you will be mad, but I cannot sit here any longer. Even Steve is doing his part._

_Bucky, this is my choice. I respect you and your wishes, but I must do this. I will write to you all the time. I will let you know how things go tomorrow._

_My love for you and Steveis indefinite, always there and never ending. You are my star, Bucky. I love you forever. Take care of yourself until I get there._

_All my love,_

_Mary E. Rogers-Barnes (Your Wife)_

I wiped my tears off my face, the whiskey had done its job, I mucked up the nerve to do what I wanted. I was going tomorrow to join the Women’s Army Nurse Corps. I will drop the letter at the post office before I do so, that way I followed through. 

\----

I picked at the hem of my dress, I was in the waiting room of the recruitment center. They had taken my enlistment application without a fuss, they were getting desperate for nurses. They didn't even mention how my husband’s signature was missing from the paper. 

My leg bounced nervously when an older woman walked into the room. “Hello Mrs. Rogers-Barnes.” she said, sitting down on the chair in front of me while a young nurse stood in the corner with a clipboard. “Hello ma'am.” I said politely. “I see here you are wanting to head overseas, that is correct, yes?” she asked. I nodded, “Yes ma’am. I want to go to Europe as a nurse.” I said, clenching my hands nervously. 

She nodded while the girl scribbled down on the paper. “I assume your husband is over there?” she asked. I flushed a little, but nodded again. “Yes, he is with the 107th. The other is in base training.” I said. She nodded, holding her hand out to the young nurse. She placed the clipboard into her hand, giving me a small smile. The older woman skimmed through the papers, before looking up at me. 

“You passed the health tests, and you are a very qualified young woman. The United States Army is lucky to have you on our side.” she said, standing up to grab a stamp. She stamped my form before handing it back to me. “Congratulations Mrs. Rogers-Barnes, you are now a part of the United States Army Nurse Corps.” she said as she handed the form back to me. 

With a clammy hand, I took the paper into my own. I let out a sound when I saw the large acceptance stamp in the corner of my enlistment form. “Oh my. Thank you ma’am! Thank you!” I said, holding the paper tight to my chest. I was finally about to be useful. “No, thank you. Go to the front desk, they will assign you your orders.” she said, patting my leg. “What about training?” I asked, a little confused. “I went ahead and signed off for you to bypass that training, you are quite skilled according to your lead nurse’s notes on you.” she explained. I nodded in understanding. “How soon can you send me out?” I asked quietly. She gave me a sympathetic look before saying, “We have two other nurses shipping out tomorrow to Europe, I can have you on the train tomorrow morning at ten.” Without saying anything else, I stood and shook her hand and walked out of the room. 

I all but ran to the front desk where the woman told me my orders, they had a list that they crossed off with every recruit. No rhyme or reason to where they sent nurses, they only had a list of where they were needed. Turns out, fate was on my side as I was being sent to Europe. Italy to be exact. They handed me one of the uniforms to wear when I shipped out. “They will get you the nurses uniform when you arrive on base.” the brunette at the desk said as she handed me my orders along with the folded uniform. “Yes, thank you ma’am!” I said, grabbing the pile.

I rushed home to pack. The walk wasn't far, but I ran nonetheless. I bounded up the stairs in excitement, I was shipping out tomorrow, which meant I needed to clean the apartment. I was about to unlock the door, when I noticed it was already open. The hell?   
  


I pushed open the door, ready to sock whoever was in there, but relaxed when I saw Steve standing in the living room in his military uniform. “Steve.” I breathed out, dropping my things and rushed towards him. It had been too long since I had seen him, so his familiar embrace was welcomed. “Hi Mary.” he said, returning the tight hug. 

We sat there hugging for a moment, before I pulled away. “What are you doing here?!” I asked, looking him up and down. He looked the same, but he seemed happier. He smiled, “I needed a place to stay for the night. I have a procedure tomorrow.” he said. 

My eyes went wide, and I looked back to his body, searching for anything that would require a procedure. “What procedure? What happened?” I demanded, lifting his arms and patting around his midsection to feel for any abnormalities. He laughed, gently pushing me away. “Stop, Mary. Sit down and let me explain.” he said, gesturing to the sofa. 

I sat down, and Steve sat next to me. He went to go on and explain what has happened the last few months. How that night Bucky left, he met a doctor that offered him a chance at fighting in the war. This doctor was a part of the SSR, and they had a top secret mission on starting a super soldier military. Then he explained that after training, he was chosen for the mission, which would take place tomorrow apparently. The entire time he was talking, my mouth dropped in shock. Steve, our little sickly Steve, was becoming a super soldier. My husband, was becoming a super soldier. 

Once he finished explaining, he looked at me with a timid expression. Almost as if he were searching for my approval. I didn't say any words, because quite honestly, I didn't have any. That was a lot of things to take in, and he wasn't the only one who was about to become a soldier. 

I bit my lip, reaching into my dress pocket and handing him my enlistment form that I had shoved in there, not uttering a word. He took it from me, and let out a shuddered breath. “Buck wrote me, he said he had a feeling you were going to.” he said after a moment of silence. I looked down, not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes. “I think deep down, we all knew you were going to. You are too hot headed not to.” he said, a smile in his voice. I smiled back at him, feeling a little guilty. “I guess Buck lost his firm hand if you still went and did this even after his last night here.” Steve teased, making me scoff. 

“Oh trust me, his hand was as firm as ever. It has taken me this long to do it because I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do. I wanted to wait, and if I still wanted it after a month, I was going to do it. All it took was some strong whiskey.” I said with a chuckle. We were both silent, until Steve reached his hand over to grab my own. “I’m scared, Mary.” he whispered. 

  
I closed my eyes, nodding in agreement. “Me too, Stevie.” I said as I leaned into his shoulder. Best friends, that’s where we started before becoming lovers.Right now, he was playing the part of both perfectly. “When do you leave?” he asked, tightening his hand. “Tomorrow at ten. That’s when the train leaves.” I said. “I can walk ya to the station? My procedure is not until the afternoon.” he said. I nodded, tightening my hand in his. “Please?” 

He unwrapped his hand from mine, before grabbing me into a hug. “God, Mary. You best come back from that war.” he whispered. I nodded, letting a couple tears fall. “You too, Stevie.” I said. He nodded, holding me tight as I silently cried. “Stevie?” I asked, pulling away from him. “Yea?” he asked, looking at me curiously. 

“Will you pray with me? Like we used to when we were kids?” I asked, wanting some form of comfort. His eyes softened, “Oh, Mary. Course I’ll pray with ya.” he said as he grabbed his rosary out of his pocket. Ever the perfect little catholic boy. I stood to walk to my room, grabbing my own rosary out of the nightstand. 

Together, we knelt in front of the window together. We looped our arms together, just like we had when we were kids. We each did the sign of the cross before bowing our heads. “I believe in God, the Father Almighty…”

\----

“Please send the rent bills here to this address. And forward all mail to there. That is the base I will be stationed at.” I said to Miss Abigail, the landlord. She was patting her eyes dry with her handkerchief. “Oh don't you worry about the rent, Mary. You go and fight that war. You and your husbands, terrific people you lot are. Come, give me a hug goodbye.” she said, walking around the desk to hug me. I returned the hug, feeling a little awkward. “Be safe out there, young lady.” she said, waving to Steve and I as we walked out the door. 

I was dressed in Steve’s favorite dress on me. A light pink button up dress with a flared skirt. I was carrying my large suitcase, I had found it at a second hand shop last year. I had never used it before, but now it held all my personal belongings I could fit into it. My hair was pinned back, rolled up in the back to keep it off my neck in the New York heat. 

I walked hand in hand Steve, and men and women alike were hootin and hollerin as we walked to the train station. Today was the day that the next batch of recruits left with their orders, all of us were headed overseas. Once we made it to the train station, Steve held my suitcase as I showed the military attendant my orders. He looked at Steve, who quickly said “I am just seeing her off, sir. I don't have orders yet.” The man nodded and waved us through. 

“Well. I suppose this is it, isn’t it?” Steve said, looking at me with sad eyes. “Suppose so.” I said, giving him a sad smile. I set down my suitcase before grabbing him into a tight embrace. “Be safe, Mary. I promise I will come find you after today. Just, make sure you're there for me to find.” he said into my hair. “Course, Stevie. Nothing is gonna be able to take me down.” I said into his shoulder. The whistle blew on the train and he pulled away from me. “I love you, Mary. I love you so goddamn much. You’re my star.” He said, pressing a passionate kiss on my lips. 

I smiled into the kiss, returning the same passion. “I love you too, Stevie. Be sure to write to me and send me a new photo of you once this is all done.” I said, walking to the nurses cart on the train. He waved at me, before stuffing his hands in his pocket. I gave him and Brooklyn one last look before climbing the stairs into the train. 

There were only two other girls, both dressed in similar casual dresses. I gave them a small smile, before setting my luggage in the overhead net and walking to the nearest window. Steve was still there, so I opened the window to wave at him. He smiled and waved. “Don't do anything stupid, Rogers!” I yelled once the train started moving. He dropped his head and laughed before looking back at me. “Same to you!” he yelled back. ”I love you!” I yelled, watching his figure start to fade as we moved further away. “I love you too!” His voice yelled back, before he was no longer in my line of sight. 

I sat down with a heavy sigh into the seat, before looking at the other girls. “Hi, I’m Mary Rogers-Barnes.” I said, leaning over to shake their hands. “Elizabeth Hopkins.” the redhead said with a smile. “Analise Burnett, but you can call me Ana.” the blonde said, shaking my hand after Elizabeth. 

“So, where are you gals headed?” I asked, pulling out my pack of cigarettes before offering it to them. Analise shook her head, but Elizabeth took one. Bucky and Steve didn’t like me smoking, at least not without them there to share with. I always took a drag of Bucky’s when he had one lit. Steve didn’t smoke much, not with his asthma. 

“Britain.” Elizabeth said with a grimace. “Italy.” Analise said. “What about you?” Elizabeth asked before bringing the cigarette to her lips to light with the match I handed her. “Italy, too.” I said, releasing the smoke from my mouth. 

“Oh, really? What division?” she asked, looking hopeful. “US Fifth. You?” I asked, bringing the cigarette back to my mouth. She let out a squeal and clapped excitedly. “Oh my goodness! What are the odds?! I am with the Fifth!” she said, looking happy as a clam. “Mmm. Guess we will be getting to know each other pretty good, yeah?” I said with a smile. 

We continued chatting together, until we reached the base in New Orleans. From there, we were to load onto a large ship to head out to Europe. They unloaded the soldiers first, yelling at them to move onto the boat quickly. They all ran in lines to the ship, some of them struggling to keep up with the others. “My, look how many men there are.” Analise breathed out, watching them all run next to the train. “Yea. All of them are heading out to fight.” I said, not really believing it either. Sure, I knew how much man power was needed for this war, but seeing it was crazy. All these men, rushing towards a ship, to fight for our country. 

The three of us startled when the door to the cart opened up. “Hello ladies, they are ready to load you three onto the ship.” the sergeant said, nodding towards us. We stood and collected our things, before walking out of the train and to the ship. Our heels clicked on the pavement as we walked to the loading ramp. Men stood there to help us walk onto the ramp, offering a hand up the step. 

The ship wasn’t extravagant, but it held a lot of men. “If you three would follow me.” the sergeant said, leading us through the middle of the ship, which meant through the mass of men who were cat calling all of us. Analise was blushing like a virgin, but Elizabeth and I stood on either side of her as we followed our guide. 

“This is where you three will be staying. It shouldn’t take more than three days to get to Europe. The infirmary is towards the stern, if you get bored. Other than that, we will be bringing you meals three times a day. Don’t go on the deck too much, those men are animals.” he said as he walked us into a tiny room. There were two bunk beds only about a foot apart, and one port hole on the wall that went out to the deck. “The toilet is down to the left. Sorry we can’t offer you dames better.” he said with a small smile, before scampering away. 

The three of us stood there, not knowing what to do. “Dibs on the top!” Elizabeth said, putting her suitcase on the top. “I’ll take the bottom.” I said, setting my own suitcase down. Analise set her stuff on the bottom bunk of the second set. “So we are supposed to just stay in here for three days? What type or horseshit is that?” Elizabeth asked, making Analise blanche. Yea, she didn't strike me as the cursing type. “Elizabeth!” she admonished. Yup, definitely not the cursing type. 

I snickered and opened my suitcase up on my bed, grabbing my book off the pile of clothes. Bucky had gotten it for me as a joke, it was one of those novels about a cheesy love story where a dame is rescued by some man, only to find out he is a bad guy. Or something like that. I had never actually opened the book, but I grabbed what I could when I was packing. I laid back onto the pillows and opened the book to read. I smiled when I saw very familiar handwriting on the front cover. _Darling, the woman at the store thought you might enjoy this. Try not to enjoy it too much without us. Happy reading! -JBB &SGR _

I smiled, Bucky and Steve were always leaving me little love notes wherever they went. I found notes throughout the apartment all of the time. Once I lifted the rug and saw a piece of paper that had a note on it saying, _About time you cleaned under here. I love you_ written in Steve’s handwriting. 

Wherever they were, I hoped that they were alright. They were the reason I was doing this, afterall. 

\----

I held Analise’s hair back as she puked into the bucket again. It was our last day on the ship, and she was sicker than a dog. The ship ride was rough, literally. The boat was constantly rocking and moving up and down. I had gotten sick a few times, but not as bad as Analise. Elizabeth seemed to do alright, she just couldn’t eat anything without wanting to vomit. 

A knock on the door pulled me out of my nursing mentality, “Elizabeth can you get that?” I asked, rubbing Analise’s back as she retched into the bucket again when the boat rocked side to side. A young man, no older than twenty five, was at the door. “Can I help you?” Elizabeth asked, holding the door. “Yes, sorry ladies. We are docking at the moment, they said you were to be unloaded first.” he said in a nervous tone. 

“Private. Where are we docked?” I asked, looking over to him. “Sicily, ma’am. We are transporting you two out to the border Salerno with about half of the men here. The others are taking this ship out to Britain to the base we have there.” he said, nodding once before scampering away. I looked at Elizabeth who had not moved from her place next to the door. “You gals best start getting ready, then.” she said, unshed tears welling in her eyes.

Analise and I rushed to get ready, throwing on our wool uniforms quickly before shoving all of our belongings into the suitcases. I pinned my hair up quickly before putting on the required hat. I swiped on some red lipstick, purely for familiarities sake. “You ready, Ana?” I asked once I was finished. “Yea. Hang on.” she said, swiping on her own lipstick before smoothing her skirt down. She closed her suitcase before we both turned to Elizabeth. 

“You write to us, ya hear?” I asked, my voice cracking a little as my eyes welled with tears. We may have only known each other for three days, but we became close very quickly. She gave Ana and I both a hug before shooing us away. “Be safe, ladies. God be with you.” she said, wiping at her eye. “You too, Elizabeth.” I said with a smile. One last look at her made my heart hurt, this was war afterall. You gain and lose friends. 

Ana tugged on my arm, getting me to start walking. We made our way onto the deck where Sergeant Tucker was standing. He was the one who brought us down our first day. I quite liked him, he may seem like a stubborn mean mule, but he was always nice with us. He nodded at Analise and I, before motioning to the dropped ramp. 

“Welcome to Europe, ladies.” he said. We both walked to the edge of the boat slowly, staring down the ramp at the new scene. The place looked awful. There were smoking buildings in the distance and the sound of men yelling overwhelmed my other senses. Analise looked terrified, so with a deep breath I began walking down the loading ramp to where the men were on the ground. “You the nurses?” a gruff man asked, a cigar hanging from his lips. “Yes, sir. We are.” I replied. 

He nodded, letting out a puff of air before talkin. “Take the truck with the med team. Can’t miss it, just right back there.” he said, nodding his head to the left. We thanked him before walking to the truck with the red cross on the canvas top. There were three men waiting at the truck for us, each donning cross patches on their arms. “Ma’am.” one of them said, nodding his head at us. “Hello. I am Mary Rogers-Barnes.” I said, shaking their hands. “Analise Burnett.” Ana introduced, shaking their hands. “Pleasure. Go on and load up, we are headin to base.” one of the men said in a strong midwestern accent. 

We climbed into the back of the truck before it roared to life. The drive to the base wasn’t too long, only about thirty minutes. Problem was, it was hot as all hell. It was the middle of July, and the wool of our uniforms did nothing to cool us off. Ana developed a light sheen of sweat on her forehead, and no matter how many times she dabbed it with her handkerchief, it kept coming back. “I tell you, Mary. If this war doesn't kill us the heat might.” she said, fanning herself as the truck bounced over the rough terrain. 

“You think this is bad, try living in New York. One moment it is raining, then the next the ground is burning your feet.” I said with a small smile. She laughed and shook her head. “Don’t get like that too often up in North Dakota.” she said with a smile. Not too long after that we came to a halt, making us grab onto the side of the truck to stop us from lurching forward. 

One of the men came to the back and held the canvas open for us. “We are here. Come on out.” he said. I grabbed my suitcase and carefully climbed out of the truck. Ana came out next, and we turned to observe our surroundings. The base wasn't too extravagant. In fact, it was not what I was expecting at all. There were temporary buildings set up everywhere, they looked more like tents than anything. Everything was set up on the dirt ground, the only true solid thing being the American flag that flew high in the sky. 

“Med tent is over there.” one of the men said, gesturing over to the tent with the red cross on it. “Barracks are to the right, not sure where we are going to set you two up. You are the only women on base.” he said with a shy smile. A mean looking man came up to us, he was probably in his early fifties. 

“Lieutenants .” he greeted, coming up to us. I looked behind Ana and I in confusion, expecting to see an officer standing there, before it donned on me. Army Corps Nurses were given the title of Second Lieutenant, giving us a high rank. Holy crap. “Colonel.” we both said in greeting. He gave us an odd look, maybe we should have saluted him. “Welcome to Sicily. The two of you have your own tent, third to the right. It ain’t much, but it’ll house you just fine. Set your things down and be in the med tent in ten minutes. Dismissed.” he said, turning sharply and walking away. 

I looked to Ana and shrugged, beginning the walk to the barrack tents. Third on the right...there we go. “Why is everything in a tent? Is this base not permanent?” Ana asked, opening the front of the tent. “Probably. We are right outside enemy lines, you know. They probably want us to be able to pack up and leave on the drop of a dime.” I shrugged, placing my suitcase on the bed. At least we didn't have bunk beds, and they were across the room from each other. In the middle was one single table with two chairs, more than what the men got. 

Ana nodded, not saying anything for a moment. “I’m real scared, Mary. This is terrifying. We are quite literally right around the corner from war.” she said, looking into my eyes. She looked so young then, and I realized she was probably only my age, if not younger. “How old are you, Ana?” I asked. “Nineteen.” she replied with a little smile. “Well, think of it this way. You are living the worst of the worst right now, and from here the rest of your life will only get better.” I said, trying to give her a comforting smile. She nodded, biting her lip a little. 

“Things are still fresh, we have only just gained territory here in Sicily, but it will get better. Plus, we are nurses. We are the strongest ones here on this base.” I said with a smirk. She gasped, “Oh, don't say that, Mary! Those men are out there fighting!” she admonished. 

“And who do they come to get patched up to go back out there? That is our job. We are the ones making sure our American heroes are able to fight.” I said with a smile. She giggled a little at that. “Come on. We need to go to the med tent.” I said, grabbing her elbow. 

\----

The med tent wasn’t too far from the barracks. Only across the base. Ana and I had quickly changed from our official military dress to the stark white dresses, white stockings, and white shoes. Why there was so much white on an Army base, I had no clue. The walk to the tent was awful, though. I thought the men on the ship were bad, but now they were mingled with men who had been at war for months without seeing another woman. 

“Hey, pretty lady! You here to help aid us fellas? Come on over here!” men called. Ana was blushing bright red, but having grown up in Brooklyn made me used to men calling out at me. 

The med tent was a large tent, the largest on the base. It was a dark canvas held up by poles and rope. Temporary, like the rest of the base. Colonel Schnider, the man who welcomed us, was standing at the tent. His face held a scowl and his posture was rigid. “Follow me.” he said once we were within earshot of him. 

We followed him into the tent, taking note of the few men who were in there. A couple of them had military uniforms on, donning the red cross on their shoulders, and the others seemed to be regular soldiers. “Doctor Smith!” he called out. A middle aged man turned around and began walking towards us. “Colonel Schnider.” he greeted, before turning towards us. 

“Ah, you must be the new nurses. Colin Smith.” he said, shaking our hands. “Analise Burnette.” Ana introduced. “Mary Rogers-Barnes.” I said, shaking his hands. “You’re the trauma nurse?” he asked, looking at me. “Uh, well I worked in trauma yes, but I wouldn’t say that is the only thing I do.” I said, flushing a little. I was always modest of my work in front of doctors. “Can you do chest compressions and stabilize patients in critical condition?” he asked me with a raised brow. “Yes, sir.” I said. 

“Then you're the trauma nurse. You’re the new grad?” he asked, looking at Ana. “Yes, sir.” she replied. “Great. Well, you two will be spending most of your time here. Each of you will rotate twelve hour shifts, I will be here when needed. I try to stay here as long as I can, but sometimes we all need to sleep.” he said with a smile. 

I nodded, it was expected that Ana and I were to be working long hours. “These men over here have been our field medics, but they aint worth shit. One of you, eventually, will be going out into the field. We will make that call when the time comes. In the meantime, they will also aid you in whatever you need. I understand two people is not enough to run this entire medical unit, but you are more than we had, so thank you both for being here.” he said sincerely. 

I nodded with a small smile, as did Ana. With that, Doctor Smith walked away to speak with one of the soldiers sitting on a cot. I looked at Ana, taking in everything. So this was our life now, how exciting. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! 2 chapters done!  
> What do y'all think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know! I love reading my reader's comments! 
> 
> I made a Pinterest board for this fic! It will be updated as the story moves along, so if you are reading this in the future, watch out as there might be spoilers!
> 
> Here is the link: https://pin.it/6y4qWmV
> 
> Also, Salerno was an actual US army base, but we will get more into that in the next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves!  
> I am happy to see people are enjoying this fic!  
> Fair warning, this has quite a bit of gore in it. DO NOT READ if this triggers you. Remember, this is a fic about a WW2 nurse who is out in the filed. It will not get better from here in terms of gore and stuff.  
> That being said, enjoy!!

July- September 1943

Life on the base in Italy wasn’t horrible. Ana usually took the night shift, because it was much slower than the day shift. Hardly anything ever happened so she slept most of it anyways. I worked the day shift, dealing with the occasional injury here and there. Right now, our biggest issue has been heatstroke. July quickly turned to August, which has gone by quickly. We were almost to the end of the month, and temperatures only kept rising. 

Things in Italy were rough, planes were constantly flying overhead and if you listened carefully at night, you can sometimes hear the sound of gunfire and bombs. Otherwise, not too bad. The men on the base sucked, they were animals. I was starting to deeply miss Bucky and Steve, even though we wrote to each other constantly. The food also sucked, and the beds. It made me wish I appreciated all those boiled chicken meals and our bed back home. God, what I would do to sleep in my own bed between Steve and Bucky. 

Bucky’s letter he sent after I told him I was joining the Corps promised me a long belting over his lap the next time he saw me, which I knew for damn sure wasn't a bluff. But, in the same letter, he told me how proud of me he was and how he could brag to his unit about how we were a household fighting in the war. The mail was due to come today to the base, which was always a happy day. The soldiers were always so excited to get letters and care packages from their family back in the states, but I was just happy to hear from my husbands. Steve had only sent a few letters to me, he was doing a USO tour as the great ‘Captain America’. He hated it, god did he hate it. They made him wear tights, which made me giggle like mad when I read that. He was otherwise happy with the transformation, apparently, his asthma was gone and his eyesight was perfect. I was immensely happy for him.

Currently, I was giving one of the private's stitches on his cheek, he was decked pretty good in a fight that broke out. “You know, maybe fighting your own men wasn’t the best idea.” I said as I drug the medical thread through his skin with the needle. “Yea, I know. Sometimes we can be a little fat headed.” he said, trying not to smile as I stitched him up. “Oh, you men are more than a little fat headed. I think that is all you are.” I said, looping the thread before grabbing the scissors to cut it. “There you are, private. Come back next week, once you are starting to heal up we can get those stitches out of ya.” I said, standing up. 

“Thank you ma’am.” he said before ducking out of the tent. I sighed, gathering my things and putting them into a bowl before bringing them to the wash bin to be disinfected. “Mary!” I heard a familiar voice call out. I turned to see Ana walking towards me, holding some paper in her hands. “Your mail came!” she said, handing me some envelopes. “Thanks, Ana! What are you up to this afternoon?” I asked, rifling through the mail to see what came. Some bills from New York, a letter from my old nursing ward, and of course, my letters from Bucky and Steve. 

“Well, one of the soldiers asked me to join him for lunch! Can you believe it?!” she asked, trying to contain her excitement. “How exciting! Who is it?” I asked curiously, placing my envelopes in my dress pocket to give her my full attention. 

“Private Ward! Oh, Mary! He is so dreamy! He is one of the strongest men here, I swear it. Have you seen his arms? I saw him training yesterday and he was shirtless!” she said in a loud whisper. I laughed, shaking my head. “To be honest, no. I did not see him, I tend to forget other men exist.” I said, holding up my left hand where my wedding ring proudly sat. It was totally honest, I only had eyes for Bucky and Steve. They were the only men I found attractive nowadays.

“Oh, whatever. I always forget you’re married. You really don't look at other men?” she asked. I scoffed, shaking my head. “How could I? I’ve shown you Bucky’ and Steve’s photos. God, those two still make me weak in the knees. Bucky’s dark hair and how it always gets so windswept. Then there are his arms. You want to talk about physical attraction, oh my Bucky has the most gorgeous arms.” I sighed, imagining my husband’s body. I felt like a teenager, gushing about their highschool crush at lunch. She giggled, sitting on one of the empty cots. “Then there is Steve. He may be a little scrawny, but my is he pretty. Those blue eyes, the blonde hair. He does this thing when we are having alone time where he bites his bottom lip. He has the best ass too. God, I miss them.” I said, my heart beating a little faster as I spoke about my soulmates. “What about the rest of them?” she asked, smirking. 

I blushed but smiled. “Oh, there is nothing lacking on my husbands. They are both the full package.” I said, also smirking. Ana started giggling, both of us relishing in the moment of the easygoing chatter. “You sure do love them.” she said, wistfully. 

I nodded, I did. “I sure do. They are my soulmates, but I got lucky they wanted me as their wife. I ain't easy to put up with, but lord do they manage.” I said, blushing a little as I thought back to how Bucky handled me and Steve. More times than I can count, I had found myself over his lap while I got a lecture of some sort. Either from not taking care of myself or starting fights. Steve had also found himself in the same position many times before, so it was a little less embarrassing that way. 

“Ah! Tell me how! You’re blushing like a schoolgirl!” Ana squealed, leaning forward to listen. I shook my head, “Oh no. No way! That is between my husbands and I!” I said. “Oh come on! What can be so bad?” she asked. I blushed crimson at that. How about your husband taking a wooden spoon to your ass because you tried to help Steve in a fight outside the cinema? 

“Promise not to laugh?” I asked, looking at who I now considered to be one of my best friends. Ana and I had clicked much faster than I thought we would, we have stayed up countless hours between shifts or during dead hours like now, simply talking. 

“I swear it!” she said honestly. “Bucky he, ah gee, I don't even know how to skirt around it. He uh, well. He has a very firm hand, I guess you could say.” I said, blushing a little. She took a moment to figure it out, then she too blushed a little. “Oh, that ain't so bad. So he turns you over his knee? My daddy used to do it to us and smacked my mom a few times for mouthing off. Nothing to be embarrassed about, lots of fellas do it to keep their gals in line.” she said, waving me off. “Steve would kill me for tellin ya, but it ain't just me Bucky has to keep in line.” I said, my face feeling like it was on fire. 

“He spanks both of ya? Lord, you two must really be trouble.” she sniggered. I scoffed, grabbing the utensils and filling the basin with water. “Steve is a lot more trouble than I am. He always starts it. I just try to help. But, if you ask Buck, I tend to not take care of myself so he has to lend a helping hand.” I said, remembering all the times Bucky has said those words himself. 

I kept my hands busy by disinfecting the utensils before putting them back in their place in one of the cupboards. “You should probably get going, lunch is going to be served in ten minutes.” I said, turning to Ana. She smiled and nodded, “Would you like me to grab you a serving?” she asked. I shook my head, waving my hand. “No, no, no. I’ll manage. Go enjoy your date.” I smiled. 

Ana scampered off, a little more pep in her step than usual. I grabbed my mail out of my pocket, reaching for Bucky’s first. 

_My beautiful wife,_

_I received some news today, we are leaving for Italy on the first of September. They are sending us to a base, somewhere called Azzano. The entire 107th is heading out._

_I pray that you are not heading where we are, they say this is going to be brutal. I am scared, Mary. I need you to promise me that you are going to stay safe, no matter what happens. I don’t like the thought of you out here in war, especially in Italy._

_I imagine the day I will see you again, it is what keeps me going when I know what I am heading into. I imagine you running into my arms and I catch you, just like in Brooklyn. I imagine your lips on mine, I imagine your hands on my face. I imagine you, pregnant with our baby. Mary, when this is all over I want a family. I so badly want us to have forever, with a house and all. I promise to stay alive for you, that way I can give you the life you deserve._

_Stay strong, my love. I am so proud of you, you are the most amazing gal out there. I love you like the stars, don't you ever forget it._

_All my love,_

_James B. Barnes._

I let out a slow breath, he was going to enemy lines. Shit, shit, shit. I couldn’t lose him, what if he doesn’t come back? 

My heart was pounding hard in my chest and I felt like vomiting, so I slowly sank down to one of the cots. I should have expected this, I mean for god’s sake this is a war. He was going to go to enemy lines at some point, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept. Oh, Buck. You better come back to me and give me that life you promised me. 

I grabbed Steve’s next, hoping his wouldn’t say anything too terrible. His letter was short, hastily written on a piece of scrap art paper that had a small drawing in the corner.

_To my sweetest Mary,_

_The days are starting to blur together here in the States. We hear of the things going on over there. I pray for you and Buck every night. I miss you both terribly._

_I can’t help but feel as if I could be doing more, but I am stuck here acting like a damn fool in front of people. I wasn’t meant to be doing this, I was supposed to be apart of an army. Now, I am stuck._

_I am going to get over there, one way or another. You just hang on for me. Wait for me. I already told Buck the same thing. I love you, like the stars. I am so proud of you, doll. Don’t you ever forget it._

_With love,_

_Steve G. Rogers._

I let out a little sigh, my poor Steve. He wanted nothing more than to come out and fight, and we wanted nothing more to go home. I shoved the letters in my pockets, before getting back to work on cleaning the tent. 

\----

The rest of the day flew by, and before I knew it Ana had walked in for her night shift. I sat there and chatted with her about her date. She said that the men were informed of how things in Europe were getting bad, very bad. Word was our unit was heading down to Salerno tomorrow. It was up north from us, about 400 miles north. Why we had to travel that far up, I had no idea. I guess there was something about us getting onto ships for a planned invasion. 

The two of us had not heard if we would be going or not, which made me even more nervous. What type of messed of fate is it that I find out both Bucky and I would be leaving to see combat on the same day. “Mary, it will be okay.” Ana said, but didn’t sound too convinced herself. We had both started tidying up the med tent on the off chance we will have to pack things up quickly to go with the men. 

“Ana, this is war. Buck is going behind enemy lines, and us? Hell, we are a couple of nurses! We aren't prepared to go behind lines.” I said from where I was taking inventory of the surgical tools. “We won’t go behind lines. Nurses aren’t allowed to. You know that.” she said from across the tent. 

I let out a little sigh, she was right. Nurses didn’t really go behind enemy lines, at least not yet. They stayed in the allied territory where we were prepared to treat the soldiers who did go behind lines. “You’re right. I know that.” I said, moving on to take inventory of the limited medicine we had. 

We have been on base for almost six weeks, having shown up mid July, and now August was coming to an end. We haven’t had a medicine restock in four of those weeks, and we were running low on certain things that could prove handy when the men were fighting. We were so engrossed in our tasks that we didn’t even notice Doctor Smith walk in. 

“Hello, ladies.” he greeted, making the two of us jump. “Evening, Doctor.” I greeted him with a small smile. “I just talked with the Colonel, sounds like we are going to Salerno.” he said, making my heart drop. “All three of us?” I asked. Ana came beside me and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. I looked over to see tears filling her eyes, making my heart break for her. 

“I am afraid so, Mary. We will leave in the morning. We have to go out to sea about fifty miles, then remain undetected for a day, before making our way to Salerno. We want to be as inconspicuous as possible. We will be setting up medical treatment on the main deck of the ship, unless we are told to set up on land.” he explained with a sad smile. Ana sniffled loudly, trying to contain her tears. 

“I recognize this is a terrible situation, and I apologize, but it must be done. Thank you ladies, please start packing up the tent and labeling things for ease of access.” he requested before walking out. Ana let out a quiet sob, her breath hitching. 

“Ana, you must be strong right now. We have to follow orders.” I said quietly, bringing her into my chest for a hug. She nodded, trying to calm down before pulling away. “Well, I guess this makes us soldiers now.” she said with a watery smile. “Guess so.” I said, trying to smile even though fear had begun taking over my body. 

\----

I sat at the table in the barrack, staring at the empty pieces of paper in front of me. I needed to tell Bucky and Steve, but how would they react? Ana was still in the med tent, I left once we packed up most of the things needed into boxes. I had originally planned on trying to sleep, but that was futile as I let my mind wander. 

We were going with the men to invade Salerno, this was truly happening. We were already in a war, but now, we would see the action first hand. My hand shook a little as I held the pen in my hand, unsure of what to even say. 

_To my beloved husbands,_

_I wish I could talk to you in person right now. I got news today as well. We are leaving in the morning from Sicily to Salerno. I can’t tell you what we are doing, but that is where I will be._

_I am scared. I am so scared. I don’t know what to expect. I am only a nurse, so why are they having us go? I hope you are handling things a little better than I am. Because quite honestly, I am beyond myself at the moment. I cried when I came back to the barracks, I didn’t want Ana to see me upset._

_We packed up everything tonight, so we are ready. We are getting our own ship, one that will be set up with cots for the men. After everything is done, we will set up on land. For now, I guess my life will be on the boat._

_I love you both so much, I love you like the stars. I can’t wait until we see each other again, it keeps me going as much as it does for you. You two make me proud. I am so, so proud of you guys. Being your wife has been such a blessing, and if anything happens, just know you are the greatest gift God has ever given me. I am so blessed to be your soulmate._

_Keep alive for me, soldier. I will do the same._

_I love you, like the stars. Even when you may not see it, it is always there._

_Your loving wife,_

_Mary Rogers-Barnes._

I read the letters a few times, before folding them and putting it in the envelope. I was sure to write the two letters identically, that way if anything happened they would both know. It was late, but I walked it out to the mess hall where the outgoing mail drop was located. I guess I wasn’t the only one who decided to write to their loved ones before leaving, there were at least one hundred letters stacked up to go out. I set mine on the top of the pile, staring at Bucky and Steve’s names, before turning around to walk back to the barrack. 

I undressed quickly, putting on my sleepwear. It was a floor length nightgown Bucky had gotten for me the night of our wedding. It was a light pink, made of the softest silk. I treasured it before, but even more so now than ever. I paired it with the silk headband Steve got to match it, another gift for the wedding.

I climbed into the small bed, staring at the wall as I thought about tomorrow. It was settling in. I was going out to combat. I was about to see things that would haunt me until the day I die. My husband was probably getting ready to do the same thing. I had to make it through this, I had to. I will. I will make it through this. For them.

\----

Analiese and I took boxes to the back of one of the jeeps, stacking them carefully. Soldiers helped take down the med tent and load up the cots into the back of trucks. The base was busy, we had woken up before the sun even rose, trying to leave as soon as possible. Doctor Smith was helping us in loading the boxes of supplies, taking a mental inventory of things as he did so. 

By the time the sun had peeked over the mountains, most of the base had been packed into the back of trucks. The men had grabbed their guns from the armory, and everyone began loading into the trucks, or riding on the side of tanks. Some men chose to walk, others piled up on top of the trucks for the ride to the port. 

Analiese and I hopped up into one of the med trucks with an open top, having to hang onto the side for support as we drove to where the allied ships were waiting for us. “This is insane!” Ana screamed, readjusting her grip on the side of the truck as we bounced over the rough terrain. I laughed at her, shaking my head. If I could make it through riding the Cyclone at Coney Island, then I could handle some off road driving. 

I pulled out my cigarettes, lighting one with my pack of matches, offering the pack to Ana. She hesitates, before grabbing one and lighting it. I smirked, having finally broken her. She only had the occasional cigarette before, but now it was like our own secret handshake. We hit one particularly large bump, Doctor Smith laughing from the front seat as Ana let out a squeal of surprise.   
  
The drive was much the same as it was on the way to base, bumpy. We pulled up to the ships, these were much different than the one we came here on. These were warships, some were very tall, and the others not so much. They all had their fronts open, and the trucks holding men began driving up the ramps into them. Tanks, trucks, and jeeps all loaded into the ships. There were more ships than I could even count, and I learned earlier we were not the only unit headed out to Salerno. 

There was going to be hundreds, if not thousands of men for the invasion. Both the United States and Britain were sending units for the attack. The attack was scheduled for the first week of September, and our men were ready. 

The med truck was loaded into one of the smaller boats, this one had tall walls and was long, other than the middle cabin, there was not much else on it. “Alright, here we are.” Doctor Smith said, turning off the truck. Ana and I climbed out of the truck, standing to take in our surroundings, something we slowly had trained ourselves to do. “Sixteen convoys will be embarking on this invasion, we are one of those. This is not going to be pretty, I want you girls to understand that. Whatever happens during this is going to be horrible, bloody, and full of death. You both need to follow orders, do not leave the ship, and be prepared for anything. Do you understand?” Doctor Smith asked as he came in front of us. 

I bit my lip, nodding in understanding. We were nurses, we were here to heal the wounded. Doctor Smith looked very fatherly, and in a way, he has stepped up as Ana and I’s mentor throughout this war. He has taught us many things, mostly theoretical as we prepared for this day. He had taught us how to clamp an artery to stop bleeding, how to release blood from the lungs, how to remove bullets and debris from the body without causing more damage, and how to flush wounds to prevent infection. All very practical, but I was willing to bet money I would use the techniques at some point. 

The last of the medical supplies were brought onto the ship along with some extra men, before the men on the trucks unloaded everything. The end of the boat began closing, the ramp used to load everything coming up to close us in. It suddenly felt very real, this was it. No going back, we were headed out to war. 

\----

Six days, we were out at sea for six days. The day was now September ninth, and we were on our way to Salerno. The Navy had to come in and clear underwater mines out of the Gulf of Salerno, something I never thought I would have to go through. That caused a delay in the attack. The ship was now fully set up, we had set up close to one hundred cots on the ship, and were essentially a fully functional hospital. 

Things had turned for us, the U.S. that is. Turns out, the element of surprise had been lost and they were expecting close to 39,000 German troops waiting for us on land. We had expanded our docking point to a large area, almost a forty mile front. A few ships had docked yesterday, I had heard the radio transponder. There was so much screaming and yelling, and it made my stomach churn. Were we truly prepared for this? 

The Navy had joined forces with the Army, and hopefully, we were going to be able to make it out of this mess alive. Analise was beside herself, hyperventilating as Doctor Smith tried to calm her down. We were nearing our destination, and it was clear based on the sheer volume of gunfire. Planes whizzed overhead, and warfare was everywhere. The sound of bombs and screams echoed through the front, making me sick. Every time a plane would pass overhead the boat would shake, and Ana and I would duck down on instinct. 

“Docking in ten minutes! We will be lowering the ramp, be prepared for gunfire!” The captain yelled from his spot in the middle of the boat. My hands were sweating as I tightened the tie on my nurse dress. I pulled my hair tightly back, making sure it had no possible way of getting in my way. Analiese had pulled herself together enough to do the same, but she was a wreck. I couldn’t blame her, I felt like I was going to vomit at any given moment. “God, give us strength.” I prayed, looking up at the smoke filled sky. 

I peeked my head over the top of the ship side, taking in the sight before me. Hundreds of U.S. and British ships were docked, and men were running through the water, firing their guns at the enemy on land. The ships hailed fire from the water at the further back targets. Buildings were on fire, and the sound of rapid firing guns was one I don’t think I will ever forget. This, this was war. 

“Mary Get your ass down here!” Doctor Smith yelled. I moved from the side of the boat, walking over to the dark haired man. “Now, you two will not be taking part in combat. We have men who are in critical condition waiting on shore to be taken onto here. The goal is to patch them up enough to go back and fight. The ones who are dying, leave them if they can’t be saved.” he said. My heart sank, don’t try to heal the dying? “But, sir-” I stared, and he shook his head. 

“I know, and I apologize, but that is an order. We are dealing with a savage attack, reinforcements are on the way, but until then it is up to us to get our men back out there. Please, prepare yourselves mentally and physically. Do me proud, ladies.” he said with a small smile. I nodded, looking at Analise. She had steeled her facial expression, but her eyes were showing her true emotions. Scared and sad, just how I was feeling. Doctor Smith handed us each a red marker. “C is for critically wounded worth saving, M is for morphine, F is for fatally wounded.” he said, giving us a tight smile. Doctor Smith excused himself as he went to brief the men on board, who were going to either stay on board with us, or go out and treat the wounded on land. I looked at Ana, the pen feeling heavy in my hand. 

“I can’t do this.” she said, her hand shaking violently. “You have to. We have a sworn oath. Save those you can.” I said, reminding her of the oath we took when we became nurses. She was about to cry, as was I. I hugged her tightly, fully realizing this might be the last time I could. “We will be fine.” I said, trying to convince her as well as myself. I knew damn well that we could die at any moment, and that was not a good feeling. 

Our warships were releasing fire, the sound of the gunfire reverberating off of the steel walls of the ship. I closed my eyes, sending up another prayer to God to protect us. The boat lurched forward before we stopped moving. Guess this was our stop. “Lowering ramp in three...two...one.” The captain yelled, before the ramp of the boat was lowered, and I was faced with the shore of Salerno. 

“Oh my god.” I whispered out, seeing the chaos. Men were dead, so many men were dead. Laying face down on the beach, or floating in the water. “Jesus Christ.” Ana said, both of us frozen to the spot. Red stained the sand and the water. Body parts were mangled and missing. It was total carnage. 

Planes flew overhead suddenly, the sound deafening as they dropped explosives on the beach. Ana and I grabbed each other, ducking down as the entire boat rattled from the force of it. “Close the ramp!” Ana screamed, ducking her head down as more gunfire reigned down onto the beach from overhead forces. 

“Get your asses up and help! We have men coming!” Doctor Smith yelled at the two of us. He was already grabbing supplies for the approaching men. Two men carried another, who had obviously sustained a traumatic injury. “Mary! Grab a tourniquet!” he yelled at me. 

That got me moving fast, tourniquets are used to stop the flow of blood. Whatever was about to happen was not going to be pretty. I grabbed the heavy rope used to cut off blood supply, before grabbing a surgical kit that Ana and I put together last minute. “Ana! Prep beds, three more coming. Grab any supplies you need to patch these guys up. Prepare for the worst.” Doctor Smith instructed. 

Ana and I moved quickly, both of us flinching when there was machine gunfire that whizzed past the boat, water coming up and splashing behind it. I grabbed my stuff before running to Doctor Smith, who now had the soldier on a bed. “I am fine, doc. Let me back out there!” he was yelling, trying to get up. He had gotten the spray of what looked like a shotgun, his face and arm on his left side were splattered with pellets, but what was very concerning was the injury on his arm. The flesh had been ripped back from the force of the gunfire, close range by the looks of it. I stared at the arm, his tendons and ligaments were severed, and I could see parts of bone through the red mess of flesh and blood. 

“Mary!” Doctor Smith bit out, breaking me from my trance. I immediately got to work then, tying off his arm right above his elbow. Another soldier had to hold him down as I tightened the tourniquet, the pain flaring up as I cut off the blood flow. Doctor Smith looked for any severed arteries or veins but was happy to see they were all intact. “Mary, clean this and wrap it well, don't bother trying to stitch it up yet. Soldier, if you are alive when this is all over, come and find me. We will fix you up for good then.” he said, before walking over to one of the other injured soldiers. 

With a shaking hand, I grabbed some antibacterial sulfa powder before turning to the soldier. “Alright, I need to flush the wound then sprinkle this on it. It is going to hurt, please try to keep still. You have a lot of internal structures exposed.” I said, grabbing the bottle of alcohol and flushed the wound. 

I made eye contact with the soldier who was to hold the arm, nodding for him to brace his brother in arms. I took the alcohol and began pouring it on the arm. The soldier writhed, the burning sensation hurting him. “I know, I am so sorry. I am trying my best.” I said, grabbing some cloth as I patted the alcohol into the wound. His face was pale and slightly green. “Soldier, don’t you dare pass out on me. You have a war to fight.” I said, trying to keep him awake. I had no idea how much blood had been lost, but my main concern was wrapping his arm up so outside infections didn’t kill him. He nodded, his head lulling a little as I began sprinkling the sufla on the wound. Wrapping it was another story, he yelled in pain when I began tightly wrapping the wound, the compression would help contain the wound for the time being. 

“Alright, alright. I am done. You did well, soldier.” I said, taping up the wrap a few times to keep it in place. He was sweating and shaking, the adrenaline in his body must have been wearing off. “Can I go fight?” he asked, looking up at me for permission. “Do you want me to clean the wounds on your face?” I asked, but another plane flew overhead loudly, reminding me I was in the middle of a battlefield. “No ma’am! I’m fine.” he said, sitting up and staggering slightly. 

“Alright. God be with you.” I said, before turning and looking at the carnage on the beach. It was hard to believe what I was seeing, and by the grace of God, and the Navy ship behind us, our boat had not been hit with any fire. I saw men getting hit with bullets, jerking back from the force before falling down. There were explosions everywhere, the water, land, the buildings. The guns from the ships were loud, almost deafening at times. My ears were ringing from the loud sounds surrounding me, and I slowly turned to look at the scene behind me on the boat. 

Doctor Smith was stitching up one of the soldiers, while Ana was wrapping up the leg of another. My breath was coming in short breaths, explosions were loud behind me. I closed my eyes, sending a prayer up to God before rushing to one of the men on the bed. He grabbed my forearm, coughing up blood. His blood splattered over the front of my dress, but I didn't care. He was dying, I was watching my first man dying on the bed in front of me. He ripped his dog tags off his neck, before shoving them in my hand. “Tell my ma, I love her.” he rasped out, blood seeping out of his mouth. Tears filled my eyes, and I looked down to see a gaping wound on his chest. Pulmonary edema, blood filling the lungs. He was drowning in his own blood. 

He leaned back, his breaths coming in short, before his grip on my forearm went slack. His hand dropped down, and he was no longer breathing. I stared at him, unsure what to do. I could have drained the fluid from his lungs, but I wasn’t there in time. I looked at his tags, John Camber. He was from Memphis, Tennessee. 26 years old. 

I looked up and locked eyes with Ana, she was crying too. I guess we both lost our first patients. I stuffed the dog tags in my pocket, before rushing over to the next soldier. I couldn’t help but focus on the sounds behind me, terrified of what could happen to us. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to take a calming breath. The sound of a plane rushing in overhead and the guns firing shocked me out of my fearful state. I looked up, seeing more men running on the sand getting shot down. Men were screaming on the beds, blood spilling on the floor like water. 

I felt like my world was spinning at half speed as I looked around, seeing men holding their wounds as their comrades helped them to the beds. Men were praying, crying, yelling, and dying all around me. I was shaking, my hands unsteady as I rushed to my next soldier who needed help. A ballistic wound to the upper chest. He was begging for my help, grabbing my arms as I got to work. “I know, I know. I got you. You will be okay.” I assured him as I began flushing the wounds. I continued like that, praying every second of the way that these men and I were going to make it out of this alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter 3 is done!!  
> Let me know what you all think! This are going to get bad, then worse, then better.  
> If you are interesed, the battle of Salerno was a true battle in WW2. There weren't med teams like this, but it was very much a true event. I highly recommend you read up on it, it was very cool!!! 
> 
> Also, I am working on putting together a pinterest board for this story as well as my other one. I will share this story's link in the next chapter once I get it up to date! 
> 
> *UPDATE* Here is the link: https://pin.it/6y4qWmV
> 
> Stay safe and healthy,  
> Britt


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!!  
> Chapter 4, yay!!  
> This chapter contains graphic descriptions of gore and warfare. if this bugs you, probably might want to find a new fic as that is a huge part of this one.  
> That being said, enjoy!!!

September 3-14, 1943 

Days went by. Those days turned into weeks of warfare. Those weeks were full of gun shots, and bombs. The German’s had these god awful planes and bombs that were controlled by a remote, or at least that was what was reported on the radio. Our men were dying, and it seemed as if there were more wounded or dead than living at times. We made slow progress on land, but in order to do so we had to reduce the size of the perimeter that we tried to invade. 

The med boat has surprisingly only faced a couple of issues. Of course, once word had gotten out that the Allies had a boat with doctors and medical support, every boat had become a target. Some of our ships were bombed, and sank to the bottom of the gulf, taking our men’s life down with them. 

Our military trucks had also disappeared, either into enemy territory, or they never made it off the beach. Our men were taking a hit, and I often wondered if we were even making a dent in the enemy’s numbers. 

Ana, Doctor Smith, and I were tired. So, so tired. We hardly had time to sleep or eat with how many men flooded into the boat. Most of them came at night now, when the gunfire was only on occasion. Today has been the worst day so far. I had lost more men today than I had since we got here. My pockets were full of bloodied dog tags that were to be sent off to their families when I handed them over to the higher ranking officers. 

Today had also been Ana’s breaking point. We were trying to save a man who came into the boat, his leg was missing and he was spewing blood everywhere. Doctor Smith insisted we leave him and focus on the men who were worth saving, and Ana refused to let the man die. She went against Doctor Smith’s orders, and tended to the man. She begged for me to help, asking me to help her stop the bleeding. I felt like I was stuck in mud, unsure of who to listen to. 

I ended up trying to help her, ignoring Doctor Smith’s yells, until he came and physically drug me away from the man. I cried as I watched Ana struggle to clamp off the femoral artery, his leg was such a bloodied mess she couldn’t identify what was what, and he ended up bleeding out right there on the cot. She wailed, oh lord did she wail when he died. She had seen enough, but between the lack of sleep and food, we were all at our breaking points. 

That was earlier, and now it was sometime in the middle of the night, and I struggled to stay awake as I stitched up a wound caused by a close range rifle. I had to dig out the bullet that was stuck in the man’s lower abdomen, my only light being the moon in the sky. He had to bite down on a leather belt to keep himself from screaming. I apologized profusely as I physically dug the forceps inside his body, searching for the bullet. He eventually passed out from the pain, his body unable to handle it any longer. After ensuring his heart was still beating, I continued my work. Now, I blinked slowly as I stitched the hole in his stomach. My hands were shaking from the lack of sleep and food, but I forced myself to keep going. I finished the last three stitches, before looping the thread and using my hands to rip it. I had lost my surgical scissors hours ago in the heat of the battle. 

I sat back, not even bothering to make sure I wasn’t sitting in a pool of blood. Not that it would matter, everything on me was already covered in blood. I pulled out my cigarettes, lighting one, and slowly inhaling the smoke as I leaned my head back on the cot behind me. There were still men who needed help, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. I was so tired, and I hadn’t slept in two days. 

I brought my bloodied hand up to my mouth, taking another drag of my cigarette as I closed my eyes. I thought of Bucky. I wondered if he has seen as much carnage as I have with his unit. I have seen so many men die, and I have treated more wounded than I can even count. I also let more men die than I care to think about. When I became a nurse, it was to help people, not let them die. Yet, here I was. On a boat, in the middle of a battlefield, surrounded by dead soldiers who gave their lives for freedom. 

I thought about Steve, who wanted nothing more than to fight. If he saw this, he would change his mind. Never in my life would I have volunteered if I knew I would be throwing bodies off a boat in my downtime to make room for others. 

I brought my hand up to my forehead, using the back of my hand to rest on it. My hair has fallen out of its tight updo hours ago, and it was now strewn all over the place. I needed to pull it back up, it was obscenely improper to work with it down, but I didn't even care anymore. “Mary?” I heard Ana’s voice speak up. I opened my eyes and saw her walking down the aisles of beds in search of me. She looked much the same as I did. She had dark bags under her eyes and she was also covered in blood. Her hair has also fallen down, and it was stained red from where she used her hands to push it back out of her face. “Over here.” I called, raising my hand so she could see me. 

She walked next to me, before also sitting down on the ground. She grabbed a cigarette from my lap, lighting it and bringing it to her lips. We were both silent before she spoke up. “Eighteen.” she said, staring at the foot of the bed in front of us with a blank stare. “What?” I asked, looking at her in confusion. She took a long drag of the cigarette, holding the smoke in before slowly exhaling. “The youngest soldier I’ve lost.” she said, holding out a pair of dog tags for me to see. 

Ethan Brooks, 18 years old from Maryland. Just turned eighteen less than a month ago. Jesus Christ. I closed my fist around the dog tags, holding back tears. “Bled out from a gunshot wound to the abdomen. Punctured his liver, I couldn’t save him in time. He died with his stomach blown open, and I did nothing.” she said, leaning back before looking at me. The moonlight illuminated her features, and my heart broke for her. She looked so exhausted and empty. “I hate these bastards.” she cursed, bringing her cigarette back up to her lips. 

“I do too. We will make it, though. This can’t go on forever.” I said, leaning my head on her shoulder. She rested her head on top of mine, and before I knew it, I found myself drifting into a light sleep. 

\----

I jolted awake suddenly when a loud boom sounded, the whole boat shaking. I sat up quickly, noticing the sun was just starting to peek out over the mountains. The familiar whizzing of a plane overhead made me look up, only to see it dropping the familiar bombs onto the Naval ship behind us, the one that had been covering us from the ground fire. “Ana! Wake up!” I yelled, shoving her awake. She looked around, dazed as I stood up quickly. “They are bombing the ships! We have to go!” I yelled, pulling her up. 

I grimaced as the dry blood that caked my stockings rubbed on my leg, but shoved that discomfort down deep as I looked for anything to grab before we fled the ship. Many men started to do the same, using their radios to signal the other ships around us. I saw a discarded backpack on the ground and grabbed it. “Grab a med kit!” I ordered Ana, before opening the backpack. It had some essential items in it, water, food, and extra ammo magazines. She ran to our med kit stockpile, grabbing one off the top and bringing it to me. I shoved it into the backpack, before shrugging the straps on over my shoulders. “Everyone clear out!” Doctor Smith yelled, ushering everyone off the ship and onto land. 

The bombs flying overhead were nothing like I had ever seen, they flew with terrifying accuracy and speed. The ships were hit with the bombs, causing catastrophic damage. Men were jumping overboard with their weapons, swimming to the shore to escape the burning ships. I grabbed Ana’s hand, dragging her down to the front of the boat. 

I knew we would be huge targets, we were nurses in dresses, and we stuck out amongst the men in khaki uniforms. Ana let out a shriek as one of the men next to us was shot, and dropped to the ground. “Run goddammit!” one of the soldiers yelled, shooing us to the right. “Don’t stop running! About ten miles east the allies have breached the land. Backup is on the way over here. You should be safe there!” he yelled, shoving us hard to get us going. 

Ana and I held hands as we began running in the sand. I looked back at the med boat, horrified when I saw Doctor Smith’s body laying on the ramp, unmoving. “No!” I yelled, before Ana tugged on my arm harshly. “We have to go, Mary! There is nothing we can do now!” she yelled, pulling on me desperately. With one last look behind us, I began running again, focusing on what was in front of us, running with everything my body had. 

Things were blowing up all around us, and the sounds of guns firing were all I heard as I ran with Ana to what was supposed to be safety. Ten miles was a long way to run, but I forced myself to not stop even when my lungs were burning. Both Ana and I tripped every now and then, running in the sand was not easy, after all. Allies who saw us running would provide cover for us, telling us where to go from that point on. 

By the grace of God, we stumbled upon a truck with a canvas top that had been abandoned. “Get in!” I yelled to Ana. I hopped up into the truck, only to see it was missing the key. “Shit.” I hissed out, before pulling down the wiring from under the wheel. I had seen Bucky do this once, but I had no idea what I was doing. He had taken the two wires and cut them, before touching opposite ones together to start the car. It had been his dad’s car at the time. “Mary!” Ana screamed when gunfire hit the side of the truck. “Hang on!” I yelled as I looked at the wires. Ah, fuck it. 

I grabbed the wires and cut the red and black one, that had to be the ones Bucky did. I hissed when a jolt of electricity went through my arm, but touched the ends together. “Mary!” Ana screamed again, throwing her hands over her head as she ducked down when bullets hit the side of the truck. “Stay down!” I said, smiling a little in disbelief when the truck roared to life. I sat up and put the truck into drive, before driving. Getting the truck going was hard in the sand without any metal lining on the ground to support it, but it was better than running. 

I drove as fast as I could without the wheels sinking into the sand, which was only enough to get us there a little faster than it would on foot. Shots were firing all around us, and it took everything in me to not panic. Ana had her body folded in half, hugging her thighs as she sobbed into her legs. The poor thing was in a full blown panic. I didn’t blame her one bit, if my body was not pumping full of adrenaline, I probably would be too. 

After what felt like hours, we came up to the end of the allied forces perimeter. Men were waving down our truck, and after telling Ana to stay in the truck I hopped down. “You the nurses?” one of the men asked me. I nodded, “You an American?” I asked, not trusting him. “Yes ma’am. Born and raised in Texas.” he said. “Are we safe here?” I asked, looking behind from where we came from. “Ma’am, this is war. You ain't safe anywhere. But we can get yall on that ship over there. We have reinforcements comin from British forces, then we should be able to kill all these rat bastards once they get ‘ere.” he said. 

I nodded, before going over to Ana’s side of the truck and opening the door. “We are going on the ship until we can find ground over.” I said, helping her down from the truck and onto land. I grabbed the backpack and slung it over my shoulder. “Let me get that for you.” the soldier said, grabbing it off my shoulder. 

He walked us into the ship, down into the main cabin where the high ranking officers and captain were all located. “These are the nurses from Sicily, sir. They just came from the mainland attack.” he said, after saluting his superiors. The men looked us up and down, and I realized we must look horrid. Covered in blood, water, sand, and dirt. Our hair was messed up, and our faces were smeared with the blood of the wounded. “Good god. Is that yours?” one of the officers asked, pointing to the blood on us. “No, sir. We are both uninjured, I think.” I said before looking at Ana for confirmation. She nodded along, good. We were both okay. 

“We have some uniforms you two can change into, and some water you can wash up in. A pleasure to have you two on board.” the captain said, shaking both of our hands. He walked us down to one of the extra rooms on the ship that was used as storage, before grabbing us uniforms. I didn't even care that they were men’s uniforms, I just wanted out of my bloodied dress. 

The moment Ana and I were both left alone, I lost my composure and started sobbing. We had come so close to dying. We were shot at. We could have died along with our men. I thought back to Doctor Smith and his body on the ramp. He never made it to shore. Then I thought about all the men who died on our watch. “Ana? Do you still have your dog tags?” I asked once I felt as if I couldn’t cry anymore. She nodded, grabbing the bundle of tags from her pocket and handed them to me. “Wash up. I am going to hand these to the sergeant on board.” I said ei[ing my eyes, before walking out of the room. 

I wandered back to the room where we met all the men, before knocking. One of the men came and opened the door, raising his eyebrows to see me. “Lieutenant.” he greeted, looking at me in concern. I reached into my pocket, pulling out the mound of dog tags I had shoved in there. I set them in his hand, before grabbing the ones Ana handed me from the other pocket. “You let those families know they died with honor.” I said, my voice cracking a little with emotion. His eyes softened a little, and he nodded his head once. “Yes ma’am. Thank you. Are you alright?” he asked me in concern. 

I nodded, before hesitating. “Sir, are you able to answer a question for me?” I asked him after a moment. “It depends on the question.” he said. “The 107th. Where are they now?” I asked, worried about my husband. I played with the wedding ring on my left hand, and his eyes flicked down to it before a look of understanding passed over his face. “I am not sure, ma’am. I can do my best to find out.” he said in a firm voice. I nodded, muttering my thanks before hesitating again. “Also, have you heard about Captain America?” I asked curiously, trying to act as inconspicuous as possible as I asked about my other husband. “I heard he was the reason why we still have bullets to shoot. Why? You got fan mail to send?” he asked. I shook my head. “No, sir. Just curious.” I said, before walking away. 

I entered the room, and my heart broke at the sight. Ana was sitting there on the floor, her hair was wet and the blood gone from her body, but she stared blankly at the wall in front of her as tears dripped down her face. “We weren’t supposed to go on the front lines.” she whispered. “Ana?” I asked, sinking to my knees in front of her. “We weren’t supposed to go into combat.” she said, looking up at me. Her eyes were dull, and glazed over. The poor thing. “I know, Ana. I know. I am so sorry you had to go through that.” I said, sitting down next to her. She was only in her slip that she had worn under her nurse uniform, she had at least cleaned herself off while I was gone. 

“We could have died.” she said, her voice going quiet as she put her hand over her mouth as she cried. I put my arms around her, pressing her head to my chest. “But we didn’t. You didn’t. You are strong, Analise Burnett. You ran through a battlefront and lived to tell the tale. You made it, and you will make it through the rest of this war.” I said firmly as I held her shaking form. 

I let her cry into my chest for a long time, never moving, even when my legs went numb from kneeling for so long. She had cried herself to sleep eventually, and I gently laid her down on the ground before I stood up. I walked to the bucket of water they had given us, staring at the red stained water. 

Grabbing a cloth, I wet it and began scrubbing my arms of all the blood. I scrubbed hard, determined to get everything off of me. When I closed my eyes, I imagined all the men I had not been able to save. The ones who had been shot in the throat, the ones who lost limbs, the ones who’s abdomens had been blown up, but only in one half. The men who begged me to save them, but I didn’t because according to Doctor Smith, they weren’t worth saving if they couldn’t go back out to fight. The ones I marked with an F. The ones whose hands I held as they took their last breath. The ones who stared into my eyes as they left this earth. I scrubbed harder as I thought about all the men. 

Bucky was right, women didn’t belong in war. I didn’t belong here. Too many men have died at my hands for me to belong here. I switched arms once I noticed flakes of skin coming off from my harsh rubbing. 

Ana was right, we were never meant to see combat action like this. The Army Nurse Corps never told us we would be on the front lines. They never told us we would be running for our lives as the enemy shot at us. I shook my head, clearing those awful thoughts out of my head, rather focusing on washing the blood from my body. 

I shed my dress, before kicking off my shoes and stockings, wiping my legs down as I stood in only my slip. I turned my head upside down, dunking my hair into the water, scrubbing a little to get the caked blood out of it. Once I was sure there was no more blood, I rang it out and tried to run my fingers through it in an attempt to smooth it down. 

I sat down on the floor next to Ana, before laying down and letting myself fall into a true sleep for the first time in days. 

\----

A knock on the door roused me from my sleep. I tried to ignore it, except for the fact it was persistent and not going away. “One moment.” I said, getting up to pull open the door just a crack to peek my head through. It was the Sergeant I spoke to earlier. “Hello, Lieutenant.” he said with a small nod. “Sergeant. How may I help you?” I asked. He had a small smile, which made me a little nervous. “We have been able to contact the 107th, they too are here in Italy. We have informed them as to what is happening, and it also came up about two nurses who made it through the front lines and lived.” he said. I smiled a little, “that is very kind of you, sir.” I said. “We also have a very persistent Sergeant James Barnes on the radio, I am afraid he is insisting he speaks with Mary Rogers-Barnes. Am I correct to assume that is you?” he asked, a twinkle in his eyes. 

My hand dropped from the door, covering my mouth. Bucky. “Oh god. Okay. One moment, let me put one some clothes.” I said, rushing around to pull on some pants and a shirt, not caring how disheveled I was. I didn’t even put on shoes before I rushed out the door. “Please take me to where I may speak with him.” I said quickly. 

He glanced down at my appearance in amusement, before nodding his head. “I have set it up in a private room for you.” he said, opening a door where a radio sat with a set of headphones. He sat down, holding one headphone up to his ear before pressing a button. “107th, this is USS Ancon. Sargent Kinder speaking. I am requesting to speak with Sergeant Barnes.” he spoke. After a moment, he held out the headphones to me. “I will leave you in private.” he spoke. My heart was pounding when I slipped the headphones over my head and pressed the button to speak. “H-hello?” I asked. 

“Mary?” I heard Bucky’s voice ring out. I let out a soft exhale, closing my eyes as tears filled my eyes. “Baby, can you hear me?” he asked. “Y-yea. Yea, I hear you.” I choked out. “Oh, doll. What happened? We heard about two nurses that had to go miles through the battlefront, they said they were with the U.S. Fifth. Was that really you?” he asked me. I nodded, but realized he couldn't see me. “Yea, Buck. It was Analise and I.” I said. 

He let out a little sound, and I could almost imagine him rubbing his face in frustration. “You were right, Buck.” I said, more tears running down my face. “About what, baby?” he asked me in a gentle tone. “I don’t belong in war. I let people die.” I said, crying a little harder. “I want to go home. I want to be with you and Steve.” I cried, letting my resolve crumble at my husband’s voice. “Mary. Mary, you listen to me and you listen good. You did not let anybody die. We are in a war, and people die. You cannot save anyone, and I know you did your best. You were following orders, weren’t you?” he asked me. 

“Yea, but they begged me to save them Bucky. They begged me for life and I didnt let them have it. I am going to hell. I let them die, Bucky. I let them die.” I said, on the brink of hysterics. “Mary Rogers-Barnes you did not let them die, and you are not going to hell. If I ever hear you say that again I will walk to find you, and you won’t like it. You are doing so well in this war, you have helped so many. You are making Stevie and I so proud. I know this is hard and you have seen bad things, and I wish you would’ve stayed home away from this all, but you are a good person and a damn good nurse. I can’t talk too much, doll. We are on our way to our next base, and I am in a truck full of men. Tell me right now though, are you somewhere safe?” he asked me. 

I hesitated, “We are in a war. Nowhere is safe. I am on a ship, but I have this feeling, Bucky. Something bad is about to happen.” I said honestly. “If anything happens, you stay low, Mary. That is your best bet. It’s harder to hit a target the lower they are. And if something happens, you run. You run and you don’t stop. I will find you, baby. I swear to you. I already told my men, we will come and get you so I can keep you safe.” he said, making me smile a little. “I love you, Bucky. I love you like the stars.” I said, closing my eyes as tears filled them once more. “I love you too, Mary. I love you so, so much. Stay strong until I get there. I am so proud of you. Stevie is going to be so proud of you when he hears all that you have done.” he said. There was silence for a minute before he spoke again. 

“I need to go now, Mary. I love you. Be safe. I’ll come find ya soon. I promise.” he said, before the radio went silent. I pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes, taking a shuddering breath as I tried to calm down. That was the first time in months I heard my husband’s voice. Hearing his voice reminded me why I was here, for him and Steve.

\----

September 15, 1943

Ana and I sat in our room, neither of us talking. We heard the explosions from outside, and realistically I knew we should be trying to help our men, but neither of us wanted to go back out there. 

We had lost all our things when we fled the med boat. All we had were the clothes on our backs. “Mary?” she whispered suddenly. “Yea?” I replied looking over to her. “Do you think we are going to die out here?” she asked, staring at the blank wall ahead of her. 

She hasn’t been the same since we came out to Salerno, but especially not since yesterday. She hardly spoke, she didn’t eat, and she always had this empty look in her eyes. I sighed at her question, how do you answer that? “I honestly don’t know, Ana. I like to think we will make it out of here, but who knows anymore. I am so scared, I don’t know what to believe anymore.” I said, honestly. She nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

We both stayed silent for hours, neither of us had it in us to do anything. Yesterday had messed both of us up bad, and I knew she was struggling just as much as I was with everything we saw. I thought back to how Bucky said he would find me, and I hoped and prayed he was right. 

A knock on the door jostled us out of our thoughts. “I got it.” Ana said, standing up to open the door to reveal a young soldier. “We have great news, the German forces have surrendered, we have successfully taken over the mainland.” he said with a large smile. I shot to my feet, looking for any sign of a lie. We did it. The allies did it. “How?” I asked in shock, just yesterday it felt like we had been losing. 

“Over 150,000 allied men on the mainland, they had no other choice but the retreat.” he said, beckoning us out. “Come now. We are going to set up base.” he said, ushering us out of the small room we had been in. 

We walked out to the main deck of the ship, and I was shocked to see more ships than there has been yesterday. I guess our reinforcements did come. There were trucks driving on the land, but I could only focus on one thing. Off to the side, there were rows of dead soldiers, being stacked together like sardines. “Mrs. Rogers-Barnes? Are you alright?” the soldier asked me in concern. “Yes, sir. I am alright.” I said, staring at the pile of bodies grow. Ana squeezed my hand as she too stared at the men. Those were men we couldn't save. 

“Nurse Burnette, Nurse Rogers-Barnes.” Sargeant Kinder greeted, standing beside the two of us. He observed the beachfront along with us before speaking. “You two did a great service for your country, and we thank you for that. Now that being said, nurses should not have seen the frontlines or fought for their lives the way you two did. I spoke to some men back in the states, and they can send a transport ship out to pick you up while they send more men out. The choice is yours. We would be honored to have you here, but you may go home if you want.” he spoke, keeping his eyes forward. 

The wind had picked up a little, and I looked over to Ana. Her eyes were forward as the wind blew her hair, and I knew then that she wanted to go home. “Ana, you can go.” I told her. I wasn’t leaving. I was committed to saving lives, I was too far into it now. I wasn’t about to leave. She shook her head a little, shocking the hell out of me. “Thank you, Sargeant, but I think we are going to stay.” she said, looking at me. 

Her eyes were a little more alive than before, I guess seeing some success in this war had reignited the desire to be here for her. I nodded firmly, looking at Sargeant Kinder, who was staring at the two of us. “I will let them know. Nurse Rogers-Barnes, may I speak to you for a moment, alone?” he asked. I nodded, squeezing Ana’s hand before I walked with him to the side of the ship. 

“Thank you for staying, it is very honorable. I have one more request of you. As you know, we lost Doctor Smith in the battle. Along with him, some of our best field medics. You proved to have a strong soul, one that can see combat. I was hoping that with the proper compensation, you would be willing to be the U.S. Fifth Army’s head field medic?” he asked me. My mouth dropped a little, that was a huge responsibility. One that wasn’t to be taken lightly. Men worked for that title, usually having to prove themselves worthy in the field first. The head field medic was responsible for the wellbeing of their soldiers. 

“Do you mind if I sleep on it, sir?” I asked, playing with my wedding ring nervously. “Of course Let me know when you decide. You and Nurse Burnette can head down to the mainland, they are scouting out an area for the base, maybe the two of you can provide some insight?” he asked, before turning and walking away. 

I went back to where Ana had moved to. She was standing on the point of the bow, the wind blowing her hair as she watched the men below. I stood next to her, staring out at the land as the wind whipped around us. She grabbed my hand, keeping her head forward. “Welcome to war.” she whispered. I nodded, watching our men carry tents and other supplies past the shore through the trees. “Welcome to war.” I repeated. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot has been LAID!  
> What do we think? Love it, hate it? Let me know!! 
> 
> I made a Pinterest board for this fic! It will be updated as the story moves along, so if you are reading this in the future, watch out as there might be spoilers! 
> 
> Here is the link: https://pin.it/4D3Wgvi
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! See you next time :)  
> -B


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello beauties!   
> Not much to say on this chapter except PLEASE READ THE TAGS!!!   
> The start of this is very graphic, and quite gruesome. Please don't read it if this bugs you! I will provide the cliffnotes version in the comments if needed!   
> Otherwise, enjoy!!

September- October 1943

“Medic!” a voice rang out, a truck coming to a screeching halt out in front of the med tent. I set down the clipboard I was holding, running to the scene. “Move!” I yelled out to the men blocking the truck in a large circle. “Ana prep a bed!” I yelled backward, opening the back of the truck to see three men surrounding one field stretcher. “What happened?” I asked, helping two out while the other helped slide the stretcher to the edge of the truck. 

“His team was hit with a landmine, blew their tank up. He was trapped inside, we just happened to be driving to our next destination when we heard the explosion.” a young man explained, heaving the stretcher up and walking quickly inside the med tent. “Is he American?” I asked, looking down at the man on the stretcher. 

His skin was burnt, badly. Black and crisp on some areas, down to the bone on others. “Yes ma’am, he’s with the fifth.” he said, setting the stretcher on the bed Ana had prepared. She rushed over to me, arms full of supplies. We had gotten pretty good at working in tandem now, knowing what to do before the other even asked for it. 

“Ana, get me a saline bath. Now.” I ordered, grabbing the man’s shirt and ripping it up the middle, buttons flying everywhere. His chest was burnt as badly as his arms had been, charred in some places. No doubt he was unconscious from the amount of pain he endured. 

I placed two fingers on his neck where the jugular veins were, waiting a moment before I felt a weak pulse. “Ana.” I called, he needed treatment as soon as possible. She came back with a few pouches full of saline, not enough for a full bath on the arms. 

“Our supply is low. We don't get a shipment in until Thursday.” she said, looking down at the man’s body. I stared at her, unsure of how to handle the situation. His arms were the worst, areas burned down to the bone. I wasn’t a doctor, I couldn’t do surgery or anything miraculous to save his body. I bit my lip, looking at his face. His skin was red and blistered on his face, but otherwise, his torso seemed to have gotten the worst of the burns. 

“Mary.” Ana said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “We can't save that arm. There is no way. If we leave it like this, the infection will get into his bloodstream. We need to remove it.” she said, looking horrified at her own words. “I’ve never done one on my own.” I said, referring to amputation. 

“Neither have I.” she whispered, looking down at the man on the bed. I suddenly felt sick, we needed to try though. We needed to give him a chance. 

Before I did anything, I grabbed scissors and cut his pants away from his legs. His legs were the same red as his face, but they were only blistered and didn't need amputation. “Ana, I don’t know.” I said, looking back at his arm. Ana had already begun a blood transfer, hoping to give him the best chance of survival that we could. I knew what we had to do, the Army had released a letter stating what to do if amputation was necessary. Ana and I had both familiarized ourselves with the words and the diagrams of how to do a transverse circular amputation, but never did I think I would have to actually do it. 

“Okay. Okay. Get us some aprons. I will grab the tools and close the flaps.” I said, preparing myself for what was about to happen. Closing the flaps would prevent any of the other soldiers from seeing what was about to happen, and it would give Ana and I some privacy to work without prying eyes. 

She came back to the bed, before pulling on the apron over her uniform, making sure everything was tucked in tight and her fair was pulled back. I went to the supply closet and pulled out one of the anesthesia apparatus we were given by the second Auxiliary Surgical Group. Doctor Smith was the one who was trained on all of this and was supposed to be able to deliver sedatives, and he taught us on the way to Salerno, but this was terrifying. We were playing with a man’s life here. 

I grabbed the soda lime canister that went with the apparatus before hooking it up to the face mask. “Ana grab the oxygen cylinder.” I said as I grabbed the rest of the supplies. I set the mask on the man’s face, before quickly hooking the tubes up to the oxygen. I turned the pressure on from the oxygen and watched as the man’s chest rose and fell at a continuous pace. At least we didn’t kill him. I nodded once he was fully sedated, not that he was conscious to begin with. I grabbed the apron Ana brought over, tying it over my own uniform before grabbing Ana and me the rubber gloves from the cabinet. 

I looked at the man, before taking a deep breath. “Alright. Ana, I need you to hold his arm out for me.” I instructed her. She nodded, quickly moving to his side and stretching the arm out. I grimaced a little when the fluid from the burns stuck to the skin, making a horrible sound as it pulled away. Oh god, we are doing this. I grabbed a thick leather belt we had and fastened it around the top of it arm, tightening it as tight as I could. 

“Okay. Lowest compatible point with viable tissue.” I repeated, remembering what the letter told us to. I started from his hand, which was completely black with the bones showing, and made my way up. The first place where the skin wasn’t completely charred was right above his elbow, which would give me the extra skin that was needed to close the wound when the time came. 

My hands shook a little, which I clenched and unclenched a few times to steady myself. “You got this, Mary.” Ana said from her spot where she was holding his arm. I nodded, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. I grabbed the scalpel before I used my other hand to mark where I was going to cut. “Okay. Cutting.” I said before I dug the scalpel into his skin. It took a little extra force than it normally would with the skin being burnt, but I was able to get it through eventually. 

It took every inch of willpower and mental strength I had to begin making the circular incision, dragging the scalpel around his arm. I took a shuddering breath when I made it past the most superficial layers of skin, pulling it back just enough to expose the first layers of muscle. I looked up to see Ana looking the other way, unable to stomach the sight. I looked back down at his arm, happy to see the tourniquet worked in preventing too much blood loss so far. “Ana, I need you to pull this right here.” I said, moving her hands so she could pull the skin back a little. I made quick work of cutting the skin back, especially when I heard Ana gag when she looked at what I was doing. “Okay. We are ready for amputation.” I said, putting the scalpel down and grabbing the large knife used to cut the muscle. “Ana keep your eyes forward.” I said, not wanting her to distract me during this part. 

Bar far, cutting through a man’s muscle on his arm has been the worst thing I have ever done in my life. I felt like crying and vomiting the entire time I did it, but I forced myself to be the strong one between Ana and I. I moved the muscle away from the arteries and veins, grabbing a pair of forceps and locking it over them, before cutting the ends with the scissors. I had to calm myself down after that, shaking my hands out and shaking my head clear. Next came the bone, the only thing holding this man’s arm to his body. I grabbed the saw used for this part, nearly vomiting at how medieval this felt. I made sure to cut the bone flush with the muscle as we were instructed, being sure not to damage the periosteum of the bone. 

Ana let out a squeak when the weight of the arm was fully in her hands, quickly setting it down on the floor. “Ana, grab me the gauze.” I instructed, pointing to the fine mesh gauze. She handed it to me and I quickly dressed the end of the wound per the instructions the Army gave us. I made sure the stockinet was secure on his arm, before finishing up. 

I stepped back, observing the state that the med tent was in. I saw Ana standing and doing the same, before locking eyes with me. Neither of us believed what just happened. “Tell the colonel he is stable and ready for transport to the nearest ground hospital. From there they will close the wound.” I said, pulling off the rubber gloves and running my hand through my hair. Ana nodded, running out of the med tent to get the colonel. 

I stared at the man’s arm, now separated from his body. I had no idea what to do with it if I was being honest. I decided that right now, I needed to treat the rest of his injuries. I grabbed a soft cloth, dipping it in some cold water and began dabbing at the open wounds that had bled, cleaning away the crusted on blood as gently as I could. “Lieutenant.” Colonel Kinder said when he walked into the med tent. I looked up from the man’s other arm that I was working on, nodding at the man. 

“Colonel.” I greeted, looking back at my patient in front of me. “I have the evac team on their way. There is a hospital about thirty miles east of here.” he said, looking at the unconscious man. “He is stable. He should be able to make it.” I said, going back to clean the rest of the wounds on his body. 

He nodded. Looking at the scene laid out in front of him. The man’s amputated arm laid on the floor still, along with the amputation instruments. Neither of us said anything, I was still in complete shock over what had just happened. I had just removed a man’s arm. 

“You did good, lieutenant.” he said, before leaving the room. My bottom lip wobbled as I stared at the state of the man, feeling completely sick to my stomach. “Oh god.” I whispered, clenching my hands, bringing them to rest against my forehead. “Lord, did that just happen?” I breathed out, holding back my tears. 

I heard quick footsteps before a comforting hand was placed on my shoulder. “I have news, bad news you ain’t gonna like.” Ana said quietly, squatting down to look at me. I looked up at her, seeing tears in her eyes. My heart quickened and panic filled my body. 

“Ana, what’s wrong?” I asked, fearing what she might say as the tears trickled onto her cheeks. “I overheard the transmitter, they gave the Colonel a report. It… there was a unit captured. One of the other units here in Italy.” Ana said, wringing her hands together anxiously. 

She sniffled, the tears threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. “It’s the 107th. They were captured by German forces. Hardly anyone came back.” she whispered, her voice thick with tears. My world tilted on its axis then, and I felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. The 107th...that meant, “Bucky.” I breathed out in horror. “Mary, I am so sorry.” she said, gripping my hands with hers. I stared down at her, unable to comprehend what was happening. Too much, that is what is happening. 

I stood up, moving past Ana and ignoring her pleading ‘Mary, wait!’ 

I rushed out of the med tent, all but stumbling to the nearest tree. I caught myself before I collapsed, my breathing going ragged as my find tried to process what was happening. Not only did I just have to cut off a man’s arm for the first fucking time, but my husband was also now captured by the enemy we were fighting. I heard the stories of what they did to American soldiers who they took prisoner. 

I closed my eyes, panic filling my chest. I couldn’t breathe. “Mary!” I heard Ana’s voice call, before her hurried footsteps came towards me. I sank down to the ground, my knees touching the damp soil under me as I felt my world crashing down. Taken prisoner or killed. That’s what happened to Americans. They didn’t come back after they were taken. 

“Mary, look at me.” Ana said once she dropped to her knees in front of me. I leaned down, letting her catch me as the first wail left my lips. “It’s okay. He will be okay.” she assured me, holding me as I began sobbing into her chest. 

\----

I stared at the propaganda poster in my hands blankly, not sure what to think of it.  _ Captain America on Tour! London, Bristol, Manchester, Allied Bases in Europe and North Africa! _

There, front in center was the man himself. Dressed in red white and blue, saluting the people, was Steve. My Steve. Well, kind of. He vaguely resembles Steve underneath the tacky mask and hat, but nothing else matched my husband. The man on the poster was big and muscular. My Steve, well, he was not. 

Nothing had gotten better since last week when news got out about the 107th. Our men were worried, we were one of the closest bases to Azzano, and there was a constant fear we would be sent to bring the men back. Or, try that is. 

Me, well, I was a wreck. In the last week, I have lost more weight than I have since I left New York all together. I couldn’t bring myself to stomach any food, or sleep, or do anything but my rounds in the med tent. I agreed to be the field medic, which would hopefully help clear my mind a little. The further from base, the better. I hated sitting around, waiting to hear if my husband was dead or not. We got our mail yesterday, and I cried for hours when I received the condolence letter with Bucky’s name written on it. I clutched the letter to my chest, sobbing as it settled in that I might not ever see him again. 

Then we got the poster with the promising Captain America on it. The American hero as he has been dubbed, was coming overseas. I wasn’t sure if he would be coming to Salerno, but I prayed he was. I needed to see him, to see he wasn’t dead like Bucky. 

I looked at my soulmarks that night, relieved to see them both still there, vibrant as ever. That was assuring in the moment, a faded soulmark meant a dead soulmate. I didn’t think I could handle that right now. 

Things haven’t been the same for me since we made base. I woke up from horrible nightmares regullarly. I relived the moments on the boat, holding wounds closed as I prayed to whatever god there was that the man wouldn’t die at my hands. I woke up feeling their blood on me. I woke up thinking the planes and bombs were back. Just last night, I woke up screaming in terror, thinking we were under attack again. Ana never said anything, just looked at me with sad eyes. 

She has them too. I would hear her moaning and thrashing in her sleep sometimmes, before she woke with a start. Our men did it too, none of us were the same. We had seen too much horror to ever be the same. 

“Mary?” Ana’s timid voice spoke, breaking me out of my thoughts. I turned around, seeing her standing there in her nursing uniform looking cautious. The months were getting colder, and we have taken to wearing the dark blue capes over our white uniforms. We met eyes, and she gave me a sad smile. “Colonel Kinder requested for you to meet him in his tent. He says it is urgent.” she said, rocking on her heels a little. We had both been on edge, rightfully so if you ask me, but it made me sad to see her acting so distant from me. 

“Thanks, Ana. Hey, later tonight we should hang out. I think I need some girl time.” I said. She smiled, nodding her head. “I’d love that.” she said. I gave her a smile, before leaving our shared tent and walking to the Colonel's tent. 

“Lieutenant.” he greeted, not looking up at me. “Colonel. Analise said you sent for me?” I asked, clasping my hands behind me as I waited for him to look at me. He sighed, putting his pen down and taking his glasses off. “I need you to do something. And it won’t be a fun task.” he said, leaning back in his chair. I nodded in understanding, my hands gripping harder at his words. 

“Of course. What is needed of me?” I asked, biting the inside of my cheek. He rubbed his face before looking at me seriously. “I am sending you out with our division up North. Naples to be exact. We need a field medic, and a base medic.” he said. My heart jumped in my throat at his words. 

“When do we leave?” I choked out. “Tomorrow morning. Dismissed.” 

\----

I stared at the paper in front of me, unsure of what to say, if anything. I went back and forth about writing to Steve, but even if I did, I didn’t know what I would say. ‘Hey honey, I know our husband just got captured by Nazis and is probably dead, but now I am about to go out to Naples as a field medic. Oh and while we are there we are going to try and take over the city. But don’t worry, I will be fine.’ 

Yeah, no. Steve will swim to Italy if he heard what I was about to do. But what if I didn’t come back? Gosh, who said the war was going to be this hard?  I ran my hands through my hair, tugging at it in frustration. I had no idea what to do right now. None. Zip. Zero. I had only just found out about Bucky and now I was dealing with this? 

I sighed, giving up on the thought of even trying to write a message. I looked at the nightgown I was wearing, frowning. Steve heard about what happened with Ana and I, and how we lost everything on the ship. A week later, Ana and I got an anonymous package with two nightgowns in our sizes, in mine, there was our wedding photo. Steve and Bucky dressed in their best clothes, while I wore a white dress I made from Sarah Rogers’ old wedding gown. 

“Mary?” I heard Ana’s voice speak out timidly. “Yes?” I asked, turning so I could look at her. She was wearing her nursing dress and cape, holding the cape tightly around her in the chill of the night. “I’m sorry to bother. I don’t know what you will need on the truck and they asked for it to be packed tonight…” she trailed off, rubbing her arm a little awkwardly. Our night in had been ruined by this godforsaken war. Like so many other things had been. 

“Yeah, of course. I will be out to help, let me get dressed.” I said, standing up. I looked back at the photo on the table, my heart clenching painfully. I brushed my finger against it, before walking away. Stay strong, Mary. 

I dressed quickly into my white dress, pulling my own blue cape tight over my shoulders before making my way to the med tent where there was a truck backed up to. I pushed by the men who were packing up the other trucks, ignoring their comments as I walked through the flap of the tent. The man from earlier was gone, having been transported to a nearby ground hospital. 

I was silent as I pulled a box down and began packing whatever I might need in the field. Dressings, creams, suture kits, bandages, tourniquets, anything I could think of went into the box. “Need a hand?” I heard Ana’s voice ask quietly. I peeked over at her, nodding silently. She began helping me pack the box up. 

“I don’t want you to go.” she whispered finally, looking over at me. “I gotta. There ain’t nothin left for me here.” I whispered back, tears burning the corners of my eyes. “You are part of the WAC, you don’t need to go in the field. They have men who know medical procedures. You don’t gotta do anything, Mary.” she said, her voice going shrill before she quieted back down. 

“I just...I don’t want to get the news that my best friend is dead.” she whispered, before sniffling wetly and wiping her nose. “You kidding me? We ran miles through a battlefield, I ain’t about to die by some Krauts.” I joked, making her laugh wetly. 

“But, they do horrible things to women, Mary. You know I heard-” 

“Trust me, I have heard what they do to women. But here’s the thing, I ain’t no typical woman. I can shock a guy just as good as Bucky could’a. He taught Stevie and I how to. I’m tough, Ana.” I assured her, smiling at the memory of Bucky teaching Steve and I how to properly punch someone without hurting our wrists. 

“I know you are, trust me. You are the bravest person I have ever seen. And I have seen a lot.” she said with a grim smile. I nodded, turning to look at her fully. We were both so young, way too young to be dealing with this sort of horseshit. 

“I know. How about this, I make ya a deal? When we get back, I will let you take me out dancing. We will wear our nice uniforms and all. It has been way too long since we have done anything remotely fun. I know there is a hall not too far from here, abandoned when we took the city. I am sure we can find a couple of fellas to go with us if you want.” I said with a smile. 

  
She beamed, nodding her head. “I would love that. We don’t need any fellas, I will dance with you. You are still married, remember?” she teased. I nodded, looking down at my wedding ring. “Sure am.” I said, looking back up at her. “Help me pack the truck, I have a feeling I am missing a lot of stuff.” 

The night went on much the same, and before I knew it I was walking from Ana and I’s quarters to the spot where our truck sat, waiting to move out. 

“Lieutenant! Get your shit and let’s go!” Private Charles Jones yelled at me from where he hung out of the truck. He was funny, and I quite enjoyed his company even though he could have a hard ass facade. He was a little older than Bucky at 27 years old, but he was a kick in the pants. He had an ex wife back in Manhattan (probably why we got along so well). He doesn't have very nice things to say about her, but he sure did keep the conversations interesting. 

Then there was Private James Hardt, he was around my age. I was actually older than him by two months. He was born in January. He is from the midwest, and his family has a corn farm. His daddy died in the great war, like Steve’s. He was trying to do him proud by serving in this one. 

Private Robert Jacobs was a grumpy man, always scowling. He was the one with the best shot on our little team. He is from California, and no, he doesn't live by the beach. He is mad he was drafted, because had it been two months later he would have been too old for the draft. 

Lastly, there was Private Abraham Anderson. He was the youngest of the men, only 20 years old. He was from New Mexico, and had to leave his fiance back home. He was quiet but very kind. He reminded me of Steve. 

“You ready, lady?” James asked, helping me into the back of the truck. “As I will ever be.” I shrugged, calling out my goodbye to Ana who waved as the truck rumbled to life. 

“Ya fellas ever been to Naples?” I teased, grabbing the pack of cigarettes from Abe’s lap and pulling my matches out of my pocket. “God, do you ever shut up?” Robert asked with a scowl. 

I made a face at him, flipping him the bird before turning back to my team. We had only just met last night after I packed up the truck, and it was easy for me to tell who I would and wouldn’t be getting along with. 

“On the rare occasion.” I sassed, bringing the cigarette up to my lips and pulling a big drag. Lord if Bucky saw me smoking as much as I do nowadays, well, I could only imagine. He didn’t mind on occasions, but Ana said I smoked more than a chimney in the winter. 

Robert grumbled some curse words, leaning back against the truck and tipping his hat down low. I rolled my eyes, looking at Abe who was trying to hold in his laughter. “So what is the plan once we get there? Nobody told me shit.” I asked, kicking one leg over the other. 

“Basically we are the assholes who get to go in and see if our troops are gonna die if we move up north.” James spoke, taking a swig from his flask. He held it up with a raised brow. I bit my lip, thinking about it before nodding. I traded him my cigarette before grabbing the flask. 

Moonshine, it turns out, was quite the drink. Three sips of that and I felt tipsier than the time Bucky and Steve took me to the dance hall for my twenty first birthday, lord almighty that was a fun night. Bucky swung me around in ways he had never before, flipping me and twirling me until I ran outside and puked in the bushes. Steve danced with me too, but only to the slow songs. 

“Hey, you alright?” James asked me with a nudge to my foot. I nodded, looking at him curiously. “Where in the sam hell did you get moonshine?” I asked, rubbing my eyes hard to try and get rid of the feeling that left my head spinning. 

“Made it of course. Best damn moonshine you’ll ever taste. My mama taught me.” He boasted, taking another sip and putting it in his pocket. “Fuckin hick.” I mumbled before slapping my hand over my mouth. That got the fellas howling with laughter, and left me red as a tomato. 

“I am so sorry! I didn’t mean to say that!” I apologized quickly over the sound of their laughter. “I think we will get on just fine, Brooklyn.” James said with a smile. 

The mission went just fine from there, surprisingly. We determined that Naples would need seizing after we got there, but the allies had the numbers for it. There wasn’t much use for me as a medic, so I made it a point to walk through the city searching for any injured or stranded people. Allied or not, it was my duty to help the injured. 

After scouring the city we decided that our little team wouldn’t be able to do shit on our own, so we loaded back into the truck and made our way back to Salerno. It was a fairly short drive, about seventy six kilometers. But with the terrain, it took nearly two houra. But, if the allies had both Naples and Salerno then we would have a huge advantage against the enemy. 

I chatted with the boys as we bounced over the terrain that was Italy, laughing when we hit a particularly hard bump and Robert went crashing into the canvas side of the truck. “Fuckin hell.” he muttered, righting himself again before grabbing hold of the side. I snickered at that, he was an asshole so maybe getting banged around a bit would do him some good. 

He scowled at us, looking out the back of the truck as the trees began thinning out. “Say, what do you fellas say about hitting the bar after this? Celebrating the fact we didn’t die.” Charles yelled from the front, turning his head so we could hear him through the opening between the cab and where we sat. 

“I could use a drink.” Abe commented, shifting in his seat so he was holding his rifle a little higher. There were murmurs of agreement, even from Robert. I shrugged, thinking back to Ana and I’s plan. We were going to go to a dance hall, but I see no problems dancing at a bar. 

“I’m in.” I said, earning myself whoops of joy from everyone but Robert, who I was starting to think didn’t know how to smile.

We made it back to base quicker than I thought we would, and soon I was unloading my medical supplies from the truck and being all but tackled by Ana in a tight hug. “Woah now. I was gone for like, half a day.” I said, patting her back with a laugh. 

She broke away from me, a wide smile on her lips. “I know, but thank god you made it back. How was Naples? Was it beautiful? I read in a magazine that Italy is-” “Destroyed.” I cut her office with a grimace. 

“The city was bombed and is occupied by German forces. We were on the backside of things, but I can tell ya one thing for a damn fact, it ain’t beautiful.” I said as I walked the box into the med tent. “Gee, that sure sucks. I would’ve liked something nice to look at amidst all this.” she said, following me with my bag on her shoulder. 

I snorted, placing the box on one of the cots. “You kiddin? You get to look at me, ain’t I nice to look at?” I teased. Her slang has began to rub off on me I have noticed, I started using words like ‘ain’t’ out of the blue, but it just flows so nicely. 

“Oh, sure you are. But I meant some change in scenery. Oh! Speaking of change of scenery.” she giggled, sitting down on one of the beds and looking up at me. “I got us dresses.” she said excitedly. 

“How the heck did you do that?” I asked, turning to look at her curiously. “I went into town with some of the guys, there is a small one about fifteen minutes south. It was abandoned, but I left some change on the counter.” she said with a bashful smile. “And I grabbed us some heels and lipstick. I was shocked they had so much.” she said. I chuckled, shaking my head. 

“I don’t think women were too worried about their heels and lipstick when their city was being bombed.” I said, shucking off my outer layers until I was in my button up shirt and pants. “Well, my team wanted to go to the bar. We can go dancing there. What do ya say?” I asked her. She smiled with a small shrug. “Anything is better than being cooped up in here.” 

\----

Ana and I walked with linked arms to one of the open top Willys. We were dressed nicer than we had been in months. She wore a short sleeved red dress that was accentuated with a thin black belt, and a pair of black kitten heels. Her blonde hair was curled to perfection, the front pinned back to frame her face. Her lips were a bright red, and her eyes dark with some mascara we were able to scrounge up. 

I on the other hand was wearing a blue short sleeved dress that had a deep sweetheart neckline, which accentuated my bust a little more than I would normally wear. I paired it with the pair of brown heels Ana picked up for me. My dark hair was curled as well, but I had it all down. Ana was able to style it for me so my bangs did a swoop down, and hit the pin that helped it do so. Overall, we looked like two bombshells rather than two nurses. 

“Well hello, ladies.” Charles crooned when we walked up to the jeep. Ana blushed with a little giggle, but I rolled my eyes. They all knew I was married. “How bout we treat the two of ya to a night on the town?” James asked, opening the door for us. The men were dressed in their pressed uniforms, thanks to Ana and I mind you, and acting as cocky as ever. 

“As long as it involves booze, I am all for it.” I said with a smirk as they closed the door. 

Booze would be a light term for what we are experiencing at the bar. James brought that damned moonshine back out, and somehow convinced both Ana and I to have two full glasses full. Now, Ana and I were drunker than two sailors. We were stumbling through the bar, laughing loudly as the warm buzzing in our bodies controlled our actions. 

“Dance with me.” I slurred to her, dragging her on the floor when Glenn Miller began playing loudly. The men were all trying to get us to dance, we were the only ladies in the whole joint, but you couldn’t get me drunk enough to dance with any other fella besides my husbands. 

Ana giggled, letting me pull her into the middle of the floor drunkenly. We stumbled over each other as we began moving to the music, hanging off each other clumsily as we attempted to dance. 

“I need to learn how to make me some of that moonshine stuff. Bucky’d love it.” I slurred as Ana and I held hands and danced. She laughed, shaking her head. “I ain’t ever been this drunk!” she yelled over the music. I snorted, but nodded my head. “Me either! I was never allowed to be! Buck would get all bent outta shape when I got too tipsy on purpose, said it ain’t good for my body or some shit.” I laughed, thinking back to the time Bucky found Steve and I sneaking some whiskey into the apartment. He was madder than a hound dog, sayin there is no sneaking around in our relationship and if we want to drink he doesn’t mind, but it would be under his supervision. Steve never drank much, his heart always hurt when he did. 

“Maryyy! Stop thinkin! Come on, one more drink!” Ana giggled, pulling me back to where my team was gathered around the bar. 

“Ain't you ladies drunk enough?” Robert gruffed out, throwing back his scotch. “Ain’t you got someone else to bug? Ya grumpy ol snot.” I slurred, smiling when two shot glasses were put in front of Ana and I. Robert snorted, trying to hide the smile that threatened to break out on his face. Oh, so he does have a personality under all that assholiness. 

“Last one for you ladies. We are already going to have to drag the two of you back.” Charles said as he poured himself his own drink from behind the bar. 

“Don’t be such a stick in the mud, Charles. Is that why ya aren’t married anymore? ‘Cause you’re such a stick in the mud?” I asked, leaning over the bar to look at him. He laughed at my antics while Ana gasped. “Mary! That ain’t ladylike!” she admonished, smacking my arm. 

“Honey, nothin about me is ladylike. I am from Brooklyn and am a nurse in the Army.” I smiled before grabbing my glass. “Toast?” I asked, raising my glass. The men plus Ana did the same, holding their drinks up to me. “To us. God help us all, here is to makin it through this shit storm. Maybe we can all get back home in one piece.” I toasted. 

They responded with whoops and hollers, all of us throwing back our drinks. I grimaced at the taste, shaking my head at the burn. 

We danced until the rest of the alcohol kicked in, then Ana and I had to be carried out to the Willys to be taken back to base. “Gotta say, Lieutenant. Don’t know how those boys of yours can keep control of your ass. You are a damn mess.” Abe joked, helping me into the back of the car while James helped Ana. 

“Ya really wanna know?” I slurred, absolutely trashed. He laughed, making sure we were secure so there were no chances of us falling out. “Humor me.” he said with a wink. “Buck’s got a mean swing on him, ya’know that? Hauls me right over his lap like I am a damn ragdoll. Steve don’t do it too much, but he did a couple of times when Buck was at base training.” I hiccuped, leaning on Ana before the words I just spoke hit me. 

“Don’t repeat that.” I said, pointing at him as I narrowed my eyes in what I hoped was a threatening manner. He snorted, saluting me before stepping away from the jeep. “Secret is safe with me, ma’am. Now go get some rest. These fellas are going to help you two get back safely.” he said with a smile as Charles and James got into the front of the vehicle. 

“Y’all ready?” James asked in his drawl. “Mmhm. Take me, home cowboy.” Ana slurred, waving her hand forward. With that, we took off into the night on our way back to base. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh, moonshine. I love that stuff.   
> ANYWAYS! This story is about to take a freakin turn, so buckle up kiddos.   
> I tried to get accurate info regarding the medical stuff and the invasion of Naples. Which, actually happened in October of 1943 after the invasion of Salerno in September. If you want, definitely go read up on it. It was so cool to research! Side note, according to the internet Salerno is only about an hour away from Naples. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think so far! I love hearing from you! 
> 
> This story has a pinterest board! Go check it out if you want to see the things that inspired me!   
> here is the link: https://pin.it/JdFm3iU
> 
> until next time,   
> -B


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah. Angst. I love it.   
> This chapter is suuuuuuper descriptive with the blood and gore. If you do not have the stomach for that type of thing, this chapter is not for you. Not much to say beyond that without giving anything away. So, enjoy!!

November-December 1943

The days got shorter and colder, and weeks went by quickly. The war was waging as hard as ever, but the US fifth is now stationed in both Salerno and Naples. We took the city back in October, and it was December now, and I along with my team of men were preparing to go on an intel ‘mission’ at the border of Italy and Switzerland, with a stop somewhere in the middle. 

I didn’t have too many details, being a nurse and all. I never got much information about our missions until we were already gone. I was always keeping busy some way when I wasn’t in the field, oftentimes working in the med tent during the day and night. I have gotten to know many of the soldiers on base pretty well, but especially my little team that went on missions. This was our fourth one together now. 

Ana ran up to me, her arms had a couple of blankets in them. I gave her a smile, taking the blankets and tucking them into the jeep. “You be safe out there, alright?” she said, giving me a hug. It wasn’t my first time going out on this kind of mission, but we were both nervous every time I left. The other team of men that went on similar missions didn’t come back last time. 

“Of course.” I said, returning her hug. She gave me a watery smile, before walking back to the med tent. 

“Mary! You ready?” Private Charles Jones yelled at me. “In a second!” I yelled back, tightening the closure on my med bag before hoisting over my shoulder. I looked back at the med tent, seeing Ana watching us. I saluted her, smiling. She waved back with her own smile. “We still up for dancing after?” she called. It has become our little tradition after my first mission, despite the fact we both were obscenely hungover after that night. “Bet your ass!” I yelled before I made my way to the jeep. 

I hopped into the back row of the jeep, securing myself in and giving him a thumbs up when Charles looked back at me. I was sitting next to James, who greeted me with a small smile. I pulled out my cigarettes once we were well along our way to our next destination. I held them out to James, who grabbed one with a smile. Abe reached over and plucked one from my carton with a smirk. “So, Private. Tell me what it is like growing up in the midwest. We don’t talk much about it.” I said, bringing my cigarette to my lips to light. “How many times am I gonna tell ya? Call me James.” he said in his twang. I gave him a tight smile, he had the same name as Bucky, which always made it hard to call him by his first name. 

“I’ll call ya James when you stop callin me lieutenant.” I said, taking a drag of smoke in. He smiled back at me, “Deal. Back home ain't too bad. We have a farm, like most people in Wisconsin. My neighbor has a hog farm, so that was mighty annoying.” he said with a smile. I scoffed, scrunching my nose a little. I couldn't imagine that. The jeep hit a large bump, causing us all to bounce around in the jeep a little. 

“Easy there, Jones!” Abe yelled from his spot next to me. “Pipe down ya puss!” Charles yelled, making everyone but Robert laugh. James looked at me, before looking forward and bringing his cigarette up to his lips. “So how does a pretty dame like you, get stuck in a hell hole like this? We never talked about that.” he asked me with a smile playing on his lips. 

“My husbands. One is with the 107th. The other went to base training and has been occupied with a top secret program since. I sat home alone for months, and all I could think about was how useless I was being by sitting at home playing homemaker for men who might never come home. One day, and a lot of whiskey later, I decided that was enough. The next day I went out to the Army Nurse Corps recruitment center, and enlisted. Day after that I was on the train headed out to Europe.” I said, bringing my half lit cigarette back up to my lips. “Jesus. What did your fellas think of that?” Abe asked me. 

I laughed, shaking my head. “Oh they were mighty upset. But I think they have warmed up to it since then.” I said. ”Not that there is much they can do now.” I shrugged. Charles shook his head. “Man, I tell you what. If my gal did that, oof.” he said with a teasing smile.

“Ah, can it. My James and Stevie are the best. They can’t stay mad at me, not for long that is.” I said, smiling a little when I thought about finally being able to see my husbands again. My heart clenched painfully and my smile dropped when I remembered that Bucky was captured. I tried not to dwell on that too much, but it hits me now and again that I might never be able to see him again. 

We chatted until the sun started going down, and Charles pulled off into a clearing and turned off the jeep. “We will camp here for the night.” he said, climbing out of the jeep. “How much longer until we reach our halfway point?” I asked, we had been driving for almost six hours already. “Only about forty more miles north. Then from there, we can head up to Switzerland, if we make it out alive.” Charles shrugged.

My stomach knotted at that. “Why would we not make it out alive? This is just an intel mission.” I asked confused. Robert let out a harsh, cold laugh at that. “You really that dumb, sweetheart?” he asked me. I looked at him before turning back to the others. “Mary. We have to take out the base?” Abe said, confused. I knitted my brows together. “What base?” I asked, my heart feeling heavy in my chest when I realized what was happening. There was only one type of base that the US army took out. Nazis. “Nobody said anything about a Nazi base. We aren’t going to one, are we?” I asked, feeling sick. We were an intel team, go out to the places where we wanted to invade, see how many men we will need, then call it good. We haven’t been to Nazi bases yet, and sure it was only a matter of time, but I felt queasy at the thought. 

None of the men answered me, and I felt panic rising in my chest. “Are we?” I asked, looking at James. “I’m sorry, Mary. I thought you knew.” he said, looking a little guilty. “Why did nobody say anything to me?” I demanded, feeling upset that they were going to drag me into a Nazi base without any forewarning. And for what? 

“Why would they tell you? You’re just a nurse.” Robert said, taking a swig from his flask he kept in his pocket. “You are only here to patch up the people who do the real work.”

My temper flared up at that, and I turned to give him a glare. “You wanna say that again, asshole?” I hissed out. He stepped forward with a snarl. Charles and Abe both went to grab him while James pulled me back. “They send a damn woman out here with men thinking she can be useful? You should've stayed home, sweetheart.” he snarled. I ripped my arm from James, before quickly walking up to him. 

Before I could think twice about it, I laid a hard punch right on his jaw. “You bitch!” he yelled, grabbing his jaw before looking up at me. “Say it again, asshole. I have every right to be here. I ran through front lines, watched men die, restarted hearts, and pulled bullets from bodies. I have seen more death than you ever have. I cut a man’s arm off with another woman to save his life You want to say I don’t belong here? Come talk to me when you have done half of what I have. I chose to be here, they simply got stuck with your incompetent ass.” I spat out, turning on my heel to walk back to the jeep. 

The men all watched with wide eyes and gaping mouths as I unloaded the jeep, grabbing the tents and throwing them on the ground. “Mary.” Charles said, coming behind me to help. “What are we doing in that base? We were only supposed to see if we should send allied troops to Switzerland, not go into enemy territory and blow up a base.” I said angrily, roughly untying the ropes that held everything down. I should’ve known with how much we had packed. “We are supposed to see if we can take it down.” he said quietly. 

I halted my movement before turning to him slowly. “Take it down, how?” I asked quietly even though I knew the answer. He sighed, reaching forward to take one of the tarps off some boxes. I saw hundreds of sticks of dynamite, grenades, and gunpowder. “We are going to blow it up?” I asked, looking at him. He nodded his head, and I let out a large sigh. “So, what? I am supposed to stay in the jeep while you guys blow it up?” I asked him. 

“Yeah, that is exactly what you are supposed to do.” he said to me. I frowned, nodding a little. “I hate Nazis. And I hate the Army.” I said, grabbing the last tent that was wrapped up and walking to the furthest part of the clearing that I could. 

\----

We camped in the woods until mid morning. I had refused all help from the men on setting up my tent, doing it on my own. This morning, I couldn’t shake the anxiety I felt over this whole thing. I was tucking my pants into my boots when I heard the men packing the jeep up. 

I grumbled under my breath, tightening the laces on my boots. “Oh Mary, we want you to be our field medic. You’re so good at it and all. But, surprise! You get to bomb a Nazi camp. You might die, which is fine. We didn't plan on telling on you until everything was done and you showed up on site, but whatever. That is fine.” I mocked, standing up and pulling my hair back. I didn’t bother pinning it up like I usually do, but rather I settled on tying it up all behind my head. “Fucking goddamn men. If women were fighting the war it would be over in hours. They at least use their brains.” I grumbled out, annoyed with the whole thing. 

Once I made sure I was fully ready, I walked out of my tent. The boys had packed up most of the tents. At least they could do that. “Good morning, lieutenant.” Charles called out to me. I gave him a tight smile, saluting him. Robert had a large bruise on his face, which gave me some satisfaction. He scowled at me, making that satisfaction grow. He could be a full blown asshole sometimes. 

I began taking down my own tent, when a cup of coffee was shoved in my face. I looked up to see Abe and James standing there. “Let us handle that.” Abe said, nodding at the tent. “Oh, I don't mind.” I said, grabbing the cup and bringing it to my mouth. The coffee was awful, more like a coffee flavored water, but I didn't care. Coffee was good in any form. “I insist.” James said, gently moving me away from the tent. “Go make sure you are prepared for this, we have no idea how it is going to go.” he said. 

I nodded, before walking to the jeep. I made sure I had everything that I might need to treat serious wounds from burns. I didn't have much, but I would be able to make it work. I helped the boys pack up the jeep, making sure it was all tightly packed in the back. “Is everybody ready?” Charles asked once everything was packed up. Everyone murmured their agreements, and he started the jeep up. “Well let’s go take down some Nazi bastards.” he said, taking off into the woods. 

The ride to the base was by far the bumpiest ride I have ever been on. The backwood terrain of Italy was not smooth riding, at all. I don’t get sick often, but I wanted nothing more than to lean over the side of the jeep and throw up from the motion sickness. Abe had already done that. We drove for almost an hour and a half, before Charles spoke loudly. “Five miles. Gear up!” Charles instructed. The men all began pulling out their guns, making sure they were full of ammunition and ready to go. 

James handed me a pistol, a simple Smith and Wesson model ten. Standard issue in the army. I kept it in my lap, no intention of using it. Since September’s events, I made sure that I learned how to use a gun. I was quite good at it if I was being honest. I had never needed to use one before on another person, thank god, but I knew how to. 

“Robert. You are going to lay the powder around the perimeter. Abe, you are going to slowly move in with the dynamite. James, you use that ol baseball arm and throw the grenades at the main base. We will all slowly move in. There should only be one building on this base, so it should be easy. Mary, stay in the jeep and drive like hell if we tell you to get out of here.” he instructed. 

We all nodded in understanding, that sounded simple enough. We closed in on the base, which was obviously Nazi with the large swastica symbols everywhere. There was also another flag, one I had not seen before. It was black had an octopus on it, which was unlike any other Nazi symbol I have seen before. 

Robert jumped out of the jeep, grabbing the box that held the gunpowder. He nodded at us and gave us one of his rare half smiles, before running off into the woods. My heart was pounding, this was actually happening. We were about to bomb a Nazi base. This was insane. 

Abe jumped out next, along with Charles. They needed two people to plant the dynamite sticks. “James, get her to safety. We will be back in a little bit, Mary. Stay safe.” Charles said, grabbing the boxes of dynamite. “Don’t die.” I called to them, waving as we drove away. 

James drove us in towards the base more, only about fifty yards from the nearest building. This was a smaller base, but it gave me a terrible feeling as I looked at it. It looked like something out of those horror books Bucky used to read. One where they would torture people. I never liked those books, and I insisted Bucky didn’t read them out loud before bed. They would make me have horrible dreams. Now, I felt as if I were in one of those dreams. 

“I will leave you here, Mary. We will come back and get you when this is all over. But, if we tell you to leave. You drive as fast as you can out of here.” James instructed me, grabbing the box of grenades and walking away. “Be safe, Mary!” he called out. I gave him a small smile, “Don’t die, James!” I called back. 

He turned, running to the building. I climbed into the front seat, turning the jeep off. I held my pistol in my clammy hands, waiting. I didn’t know what it was I was waiting for. Something, anything. I knew the boys were doing their jobs, and those jobs were going to take time. 

I didn’t know just how much time it would take, though. I didn’t have a watch on me, I never wore anything besides my wedding ring in the way of jewelry. Plus, as a nurse in war, things tend to get a bit messy. 

My leg bounced as I waited for the guys to finish, but I stopped when I heard rustling behind me. I turned around, my pistol held out as if I were expecting someone to be standing there. We were deep in the woods, very deep. About forty miles or so from our camp we set up last night. I was surrounded by trees, and there was a slight breeze. Must have been the wind in the leaves. I lowered my gun, my heart beating uncomfortably fast in my chest. 

I kept looking behind me after that, expecting someone to drop down and shoot me. But, that never happened. I played with my wedding ring as I waited some more. These men sure did take their time, didn’t they? I was on edge, anxious, and scared. 

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard the first shot of gunfire from the building. Immediately, I held my gun up towards where it came from. I saw the telltale sign of a rifle, the end of the barrel sparking from the windows in the building. Snipers. I dropped down out of the jeep, crouching down behind it where they hopefully wouldn't see me.

I heard another set of gunfire, this time it sounded like it was a popping sound rather than the loud bangs I heard before. M1 Garand. US army. That was one of my guys shooting back. My breath was coming in short, heaving breaths. It sounded so close to where I was. Too close. 

I flinched hard when a loud bang went off, my ears ringing a little from the sound. Mk 2 grenades. Also US army, standard issue. James must have gotten to the building. Machine fire came next, causing me to cover my head out of instinct. Machine guns weren’t for accuracy, they were used to cover large areas. I heard bullets peppering the side of the jeep, making me whimper as I held my head down tighter. The sound of bullets whizzing by had me in a near panic. I was going to die right here on German territory. 

I heard men yelling, and I couldn't tell if they were my men or the Germans. What were they saying? More gunfire was released, this time I knew it was a pistol. The short pauses between each shot told me that. The yelling got louder, more frantic. I still couldn’t hear what they were saying to me, and I couldn't see them from this position. 

Another sound that I had never heard before reached my ears. It was a whirring sound, before a large blast went off. What in the hell? I tried to peek out behind the jeep, but I chickened out at the last second when gunshots hit the corner I was about to peek around. I didn’t want to risk my position that was keeping me alive. I heard rustling again from the woods, making me look up. 

I held up my pistol, but I didn’t see anything. I scanned the area, confusion overtaking me. What was that sound? I heard a sharp crunch suddenly and whipped my head to see what it was. 

A scream left my throat, and my finger pulled the trigger, hitting the target straight in the chest. A man who was wearing all black with a black mask and goggles dropped to the ground, unmoving. I scrambled backward, trying to get away from him when a sharp pain erupted in the side of my head, and my world went black. 

\----

Holy fuck. Ouch.

I was on something hard and cold. My body ached everywhere and I felt like something had run me over, then threw it in reverser and backed up over me again. My head was throbbing, and I became aware of the wetness that dripped down the side of my face and the metallic taste in my mouth. I moved to wipe it off, but my arms won't move. “The hell?” I said, trying to move my arm, panic rising in my chest as it wouldn’t move. 

Dear God, had I been paralyzed? My eyes opened suddenly, and I squinted at the bright light over me. I turned my head a little, but the pain was too much to turn it all the way. I moved my eyes to the side, seeing my arm tied to a metal table. The fuck? I struggled with my arms, but they wouldn’t budge. “Struggling is futile, frauline.” a German voice spoke out, making my blood run cold. Nazis. Oh my god. We were captured by the Nazis. 

I struggled harder, my panic rising in my chest. “Did you not just hear me?” the man spoke, coming into the light to look at me. He was a rat looking man, a large head with beady eyes. He wore small glasses on his face, and I wanted nothing more than to punch them off of him. “Let me go.” I said, struggling with my legs, but they were tied too. “I cannot do that. I need you, right where you are.” he said, reaching out to touch my face. 

“Don’t fucking touch me.” I snarled. He quickly raised his hand, smacking me across the face at that. “Insolent woman.” he said, stroking my cheek again. My cheek was burning from his hand, but I didn't say anything about it. “Please. Let me go. I have nothing for you, please. I’m just a nurse.” I begged him, making him smile.

“What is your name?” he asked me in his German accent. “Mary.” I said, tears starting to fall down my face. “Where are the others? Did you take the others?” I asked, trying to turn my head to look around the room, but the pain in my temple became too much. 

“Your comrades are here, too. What is left of them that is. They will be going through the same treatment as you. You see, frauline. I am a doctor, and you are a nurse. I have a procedure that I have been perfecting, and I was hoping you would be able to help me.” he said, turning around to roll over a metal cart full of surgical instruments. 

He grabbed a large needle and syringe full of green liquid, before turning towards me. My eyes widened, and I began struggling more. No. No way in hell. “Please. Don’t.” I said, trying to move my body away from his hands. “This, frauline. This is what happens to Americans who try to come into my building and blow things up. Especially when I have delicate experiments happening. Consider this as punishment for your actions.” He said as he lifted my shirt up, exposing my stomach to him. I wriggled, trying to get away from his hands as I whimpered in fear. 

“You are quite the specimen.” he said, before plunging the needle into my side. I screamed a little at the large needle entering my body, but the scream that came next was from the burning sensation that followed him pressing down the plunger on his syringe. “Stop!” I cried, thrashing my body around. He didn’t stop, though. He continued pushing in whatever it was in that syringe into my body at an agonizingly slow pace. 

After what felt like an hour, he finally pulled the syringe out of my side. He didn't even clean up the blood that had begun seeping down out of the puncture wound. “Now, let’s see if you will make it through the night.” he said, before walking out of the room. 

My breath was short as I tried to find a way out of this mess. How had things gone so, so wrong? And so fast? I heard another scream, this time it came from outside of my own room. If you could even call it that. It was a male’s scream, which means it is probably one of my guys. “Hello?!” I screamed, trying to get out of my restraints. “Hello?! Please! Please, somebody help!” I screamed, hoping that maybe, just maybe, there was one of my guys who wasn’t in the same mess that I was. “Please!” I screamed desperately, my voice breaking at the end. 

When nobody answered, I gave up on that idea. As if a light turned on, my body began convulsing and it felt as if I were burning from the inside out. A scream ripped its way from my throat, and my back arched off the table. The pain was unbearable, I had no idea what was happening. My mind was going blank and all I could think about was the pain. Pain, pain, pain. White hot, searing pain. 

I knew I was crying, how could I not be? I felt like my lungs were on fire, and my heart was beating way too fast to be healthy. I screamed, and screamed, and screamed. I didn’t know how many times I screamed before my throat had begun hurting. Finally, after what felt like hours of unbearable pain, my body shut down and I fell into the arms of unconsciousness. 

\----

When I woke up again, my body still felt like it was on fire, but not the white hot pain it was in before. Now, it felt as if I were wearing winter clothing on a summer day in a hot car. It was uncomfortable, and I wanted it to go away, but I could handle this pain. 

“Ah, good. You are awake.” the doctor said from my side. I looked at him, trying to give him a glare, but my eyes were too fuzzy to even see straight. “I am quite curious as to what your body has done with the serum. Some minor upgrades to my last one should include an enhanced healing factor. Let’s see if you took to that.” he spoke, grabbing a scalpel from the metal tray next to him. 

“Who are you?” I asked him, flinching when he dug the scalpel deep into the skin of my arm and pulling it down. I felt blood rushing down from my arm, and I so badly wanted to cry from the pain, but I refused to let him have that satisfaction, I wouldn’t let him know he was hurting me. Instead, I clenched my jaw so hard I was afraid I was going to bust a tooth. 

“Doctor Zola, madam.” he said, pulling the scalpel away from my arm. He watched it to see if anything happened, but all he got was blood oozing from the cut. He frowned when nothing happened, before taking the scalpel and resting it where he injected the ‘serum’ into me. “Stop fuckin cutting me ya asshole. Nothing is happening!” I yelled once he went to make another incision on my stomach. 

He stopped, to give me a look. I decided that if I didn't hate him already, I wanted nothing more than for him to rot in hell. “Who are you with? Do you work for Hitler?” I said through clenched teeth when he cut a long incision across my stomach. “I work for science.” he said, making me frown. I winced when he dug his scalpel deeper into my stomach, cutting away at each individual skin and muscle fiber. I clenched my hands, trying not to cry out from the pain. 

I felt the blood pooling in the cut, this one and my arm were going to get infected if the blood remained in the wound without draining out. Old blood isn’t supposed to stay in a wound. “I shall check on you in the morning.” he said, before walking out of the room. “Wait! You have to clean them! Wait!” I yelled, tugging weakly on the restraints, but it was too late. 

Once he was gone, I let out a guttural yell from the pain I was feeling. I turned my head, despite the pain it caused me, and let out a cry at the wound on my arm. It was a long, deep incision that had exposed the tendons and ligaments in my arm. He had cut away the small fat layer that is supposed to protect this type of stuff. I had seen the inside of many bodies before, being a nurse in the war made sure of that, but seeing my own arm cut open made me feel sick. I stared at it longer, and I couldn't tell if it was a ligament or the bone I was staring at. 

I felt shaky at seeing myself like that, and I wanted nothing more than to vomit. Blood was seeping out of the wound, slowly like a red waterfall. I gagged, turning my head away to look at something else. That was a deep wound, a really bad one. He had cut down past the dermis and muscle for what? To see if it would heal? He was fucking insane. Of course, it wasn’t going to heal! I have seen men with wounds this deep die of sepsis, and he just left me here?

I took a couple of deep breaths, before straining my head up to look at my stomach. There was blood everywhere, and I knew the lightheaded feeling I was experiencing was from blood loss. I couldn’t see the expanse of the incision, but I knew from the pain I felt he had cut into  the muscle layer. I dropped my head back down to the table, taking a couple of calming breaths. 

I heard another scream echo through the building. I closed my eyes, trying to tune it out. I didn't know who was here with me, or who made it through the attack on the base. For all I know, I might not even be in the same base anymore. 

A sob ripped its way up from my chest as I stared at the concrete ceiling above me. I was going to die here. I was going to bleed out and die on this table, and nobody was ever going to find me. I cursed God for this, how could he let this happen to me? I had done nothing in my life, nothing that warranted this. Is this punishment for letting those men die back on the boat in Salerno? Was I going to lose my arm as punishment for removing that one soldiers? 

Is this how they felt when all those men begged me to save their lives? This must be. That is the only thing I could think of. I was about to die on this table and go to hell. Those were my last thoughts before once again, I fell into the arms of darkness. 

\----

I had no idea how long I had been asleep when I started to wake up slowly, my body feeling odd and tingly. My head was throbbing from an awful headache. I felt exhausted. My arm, stomach and side ached, the places where Zola had cut into. They were probably infected, which was causing the headache and exhaustion. 

I turned my head to look at my arm to gauge the infection but blinked in surprise at what I saw. The wound was still open, but the only thing that was still exposed was the red flesh. No longer could I see the ligaments and tendons. That...shouldn’t be that way. “The hell?” I said, before craning my neck up to try and look down at my stomach. Sure as hell, I was met with the same sight. My wounds had closed the most critical parts on their own. The wounds that went well past the muscle layers. Wounds that should have killed me. Now they were open, but only to a point that they could be treated and I wouldn’t die. 

There was dried blood all over me and the table, but no other signs of that had happened. How is this possible? Wounds like that don’t just head on their own. They need sutures and aftercare. I should have bled out last night. I should be dead, or dying from infection. How am I alive? 

Zola walked in and I whipped my head to look at him. “What the fuck did you do to me?” I snarled, tugging on the restraints harshly. He smiled, walking up to me and touching my stomach. “I knew it.” he said quietly, as if in fascination. “Asshole! What did you do to me?!” I screamed at him. 

“I made you better. You, you are the key.” he said with a sadistic smile. He grabbed a pair of metal scissors before he held them up to my pant leg. I tried to kick my leg when he began cutting away my clothes, afraid of what was about to happen next. Was he going to rape me? What was he doing? 

“Please, don't!” I yelled and tried to move away from him. He acted as if I didn’t say anything, continuing his cutting until my pant leg was fully cut open and exposed my entire leg up to my groin. I cried, fearing the man in front of me. “The femoral artery, the fourth largest in the human body. You are familiar with this one, yes?” he asked me, grabbing his scalpel. I nodded, fear paralyzing me as he held the sharp point to my thigh. 

“If severed, most people will bleed out and die. You, though. I suspect you to be immune to that. Let’s see if your body can regenerate itself enough to repair an internal structure wound such as a lacerated artery.” The pain I felt as he cut into my thigh was almost as bad as when he injected me with the serum. 

The thigh has a lot of muscle on it, a lot of thick muscle. I felt lightheaded as he cut through the muscle and nerve endings in my thigh, screams of pain left my mouth as he hacked away at the tissue. At one point, I was sure I passed out from the pain, but my body jerked me back awake as my adrenaline spiked. My thigh was a mess, skin and tissue pulled back as Zola searched for my artery. 

“God, please stop! Please, God! Just kill me! Kill me! Kill me damn it! Please!” I screamed, wanting the pain to be over. I wanted to vomit from the pain, the entire right half of my body was in pain as he severed the nerve endings. Zola never stopped, ignoring my cries and pleas. “Fucking kill me!” I sobbed, my head dropping back as I cried in pain and terror. I screamed louder than I ever had before, I screamed so loud I was sure the men back at the American base heard me. 

He finally found what he was looking for, and pulled on it. My head snapped up as I felt him tug on it. I watched in horror as one of his fingers looped around the artery in my leg, before taking the scalpel and slicing a horizontal cut into it, severing into two pieces. 

I screamed louder than that I ever have in my life, the pain unbearable as blood spurted out of the artery. Zola sat the scalpel down, watching his work carefully. I turned my head, coughing as I heaved bile onto the table next to my head. He must have seen what he wanted, as he let out a breath in awe. I felt lightheaded, on the verge of passing out. My leg was numb, and I swore then that I was going to die.

“It is stitching itself back together.” he breathed out in wonder. I didn’t care what he said, my head spinning from the blood loss and exertion. My throat was raw, and my head throbbed. I knew I was crying, my face was wet with tears and any other bodily fluids that may have escaped. I was shaking, my entire body trembled. My hands were cold, and I knew it was because my body was shutting down all its unnecessary systems as an attempt to survive a traumatic injury such as a severed artery. My body was preparing to die. I was finally going to die. 

Zola’s hand reached back down into my leg, another scream ripped its way out of my throat when I saw him grab my artery. At least he was wearing gloves. “Your body is repairing itself, frauline. It will not let you bleed out. It will close its most critical parts off then begin to heal normally. Fascinating.” he said, looking at me with wide eyes. “Please. Let me die.” I cried, begging him for the easy way out.

“I am not sure you can.” he said, making me sob louder. I yanked on the cuffs around my wrists desperately, praying to any God there was to let them break. I felt blood trickling from my wrists and down my forearms, I had broken the skin from all my struggling. “Let me go.” I begged, watching him release the artery back into my thigh. I was a mess of pain. My body is doing something that should have been impossible. It was healing itself. I was some monster now. “You cannot die. Your body will not let you.” he said, looking at my face, then eyeballing my neck. No. 

“Please.” I begged, trying to shy away from him. A loud scream had him turning his head to look at the door. “I will be back tomorrow for more tests.” he said, before walking out of the room. I closed my eyes, wanting to die. My leg was in excruciating pain, and I wasn’t sure if he had cut it off or not. I craned my head to look at my leg, horrified to see it cut wide open with all the internal structures exposed to the open air. 

A horrified sound let itself out of my mouth, as I stared at it in disbelief. The blood was still oozing out of the wound, bright red and slowly coagulating in the wound. My breaths came in short pants, panic rising in my chest. I needed to get out of here. He was going to see if he could kill me. He was experimenting on me. I yanked on my arms again, crying out when I felt my wrist pop in a way that indicated a dislocation. Fuck. Good going, Mary. 

I had no idea how long I had been in here, but I knew it had to have been days, maybe a week or so. I was starving, and my body has gone into pure survival mode. My adrenaline was pumping wildly, and I knew if I didn't try something now I was going to die. 

I tried to squeeze my hand through the cuff, but it was already biting into my flesh, and even breaking my hand would not make it small enough to escape the binds. I tried my hardest to not pass out, no matter how tempting it sounded. “Come on, Mary. Think.” I said, looking around. Nothing I could do would get me out of this, and with defeat heavy in my chest, I relaxed back onto the table. I heard more screams from the other room again, before they cut off suddenly. No. I cried then, whoever was in this fight with me had lost. They had given up, much like I wanted to right now. 

I closed my eyes then, letting sleep take me into another world where I wasn’t in the grasps of a monster. 

\----

I woke up to a few large, thick leather straps over my chest and abdomen. I couldn’t move a single inch. My heart immediately started pounding harder than ever. I tried to look down at my leg, wanting to see if the skin had closed itself back up while I was sleeping. 

When I couldn’t lean forward that much, I settled for wiggling my toes. Not paralyzed but holy fuckin shit that hurt. I let out a little sigh of relief, before looking to my side. The metal tray Zola used was sitting there, instruments covered in my blood sat next to a set of clean ones. 

My head felt fuzzy and I was on the brink of unconsciousness again. My body was giving up. My head lulled back, and I stared at the blank ceiling. I heard some commotion coming from outside, but I didn’t have the energy to try and listen to what was happening. 

My body was dead weight on the table, and I was positive that despite what Zola said, I was dying. I briefly registered gunshots through the building, and loud explosions, but I didn't care. I stared at the ceiling, preparing myself to die. I believed in God, even though he damned me liked this. I knew I was going to go to hell, despite my years of devotion to Catholicism. I was going to at least escape this pain I was feeling right now. No more hunger, no more experiments, just eternal suffering. Anything was better than this. 

I heard a loud sound to the right of me where the metal door was, but I couldn’t even turn my head to look at what it was. “We have a live one!” a deep voice yelled, a man. Were they going to kill me? My heart rate picked back up, but I remained staring at the ceiling through blurred eyes. 

“Hey. Lady. Can you hear me?” the man asked me. His face appeared in my line of vision, and through the blurry stare, I could make out his hat and mustache. “Hang on, we will get ya out of here.” he assured me. I blinked hazily, my body giving up slowly. 

“Cap! I need help in here!” he yelled, trying to undo the cuffs on my wrists. He noticed my exposed skin, my shirt had been cut away along with one side of my pant legs. “Hang in there, sweetheart. We are going to get you out of here.” he said, pulling harder on the metal binding my hands. 

Louder footsteps were heard, and another man came into my line of sight. “Shit.” the voice said, and my eyes moved to look at the newcomer. “Mary?” he breathed out, staring in horror at my face, before his eyes traveled to the blood and other bodily fluids surrounding me. I blinked my eyes slowly, feeling darkness seep into the corners of my vision. 

I was dying, because right in front of me was my husband. “Steve?” I mumbled, my head lulling heavily to the side. “Yeah, it’s me baby. Hang on. Dugan, get Bucky. Now.” he said, shoving the man out of the way. “Steve.” I repeated, laughing a little in disbelief. I was either dead or going crazy. “Steve.” I mumbled, my head lulling again, feeling as if it weighed as much as a boulder. 

“Keep your eyes open, Mary. Focus on me, doll.” he said, his voice shaking as he ripped the metal cuffs from my body. “Steve! Dugan said-” the voice in the doorway began before stopping. “Is that? Oh god. No, oh god no, please no.” Bucky’s voice said. I was dead, and this was my soul saying goodbye to them. I knew it. No way would I be seeing both of them. “Mary.” Bucky said, rushing to my side. He paused, looking at the blood everywhere and my exposed skin. 

“Buck.” I mumbled, my world slipping away from me quickly. I felt the pull behind my eyes as my body begged for me to give into the darkness. “Yeah. Yeah. It’s me, baby. Look at me, okay?” he said, grabbing my head. My eyes were unfocused, but I saw the familiar outline of my husband. I hummed, accepting my fate, and closed my eyes. 

“Goddammit Steve hurry!” he yelled, before the cuffs around my ankles were ripped away. ”keep your eyes open baby. Look at me, please. Goddammit look at me,  _ please. _ ” he begged, holding my cheeks as I blinked slowly. My world was fading fast, and I felt my body spiraling down and away as the darkness overtook my senses. The last thing I felt were arms under my body, before everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we are. Mary is finally back with her boys!   
> If you didn't catch on to it, Mary was injected with a version of the super soldier serum. She will be enhanced, so if that turns you off then I'd stop reading now. Remember, Steve and Bucky are HUGE parts of her life, but I want this to be Mary's story. Just keep that in mind as we continue.   
> Thank you all for the positive feedback on this story! It means so much to me!   
> *Side Note* there will be some of the domestic discipline in the next chapter or two. This was already something that this couple practiced before the war, so everything is consensual and dare I say, expected. 
> 
> Nothing else to add from here! Thanks for reading!   
> -B


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, has it been that long since I updated this story?! I'm so sorry!   
> Life has gotten a little crazy with school and everything else! Hopefully I can get back on a regular updating schedule!   
> Anyways, Mary is back with her boys! Yayyyy!!!   
> Enjoy! :)

Pain. So. Much. Pain. 

I felt myself being jostled around and voices all around me were talking quickly and loudly. 

“Female, US Army field nurse. 21 years of age. Retrieved from hydra base. Deep lacerations to right leg, stomach and arm. Trauma team needed immediately. She is in critical condition, leg laceration seems to have reached internal structures, we need evac immediately. I repeat, we need evac immediately.” an unfamiliar voice spoke firmly from somewhere above me. 

“Lord, get her through this and I swear to ya I won’t ask for anything again.” A very familiar voice spoke. Bucky. He was crying, I could tell by the way his voice shook. I then heard another familiar voice from somewhere above me as well, this one was chanting something. 

“Our father who art in heaven…” the voice prayed. Steve. He was praying above me for something. His hand held mine tightly, his head came to rest on my chest and his cries could be heard through his words. “Hallowed be thy name…” he prayed, his voice watery. 

“Evac is three minutes out. Someone, hand me the turnequit. Now. If we don’t get this to stop she isnt gonna make it.” the same unfamiliar voice spoke up. I then subconsciously realized what was happening. We got out of the base. We were going somewhere and med evac was on the way. They were about to tie off a traumatic injury, something I have done hundreds of times. “Steve you have to back up, we need to help her and you ain’t helpin by sitting there.” I heard Bucky’s voice order before Steve’s head left my body. Wait….

Sharp pain coursed through my body suddenly, shooting up from my leg and the adrenaline pumping through my veins caused me to convulse from the pain. “Stop! Stop! It’s hurting her!” I heard Steve all but scream, and the sound of men holding him back reached my ears. I felt the pain, but I couldn’t do much. My body was still in pure survival mode, I could feel and hear things but I couldn’t move or even open my eyes. Every part of my body has gone into fight mode, shutting down all the unnecessary things to keep my heart pumping. 

“Cap, I need to cut the blood flow. Otherwise she is going to bleed out and die. That’s her body reacting to make sure it is still alive. What I just did hurt her, but she isn’t fully conscious so her brain is sending signals to react to the pain.” 

Steve let out some very loud curses before I felt him drop to his knees by me again, but I felt myself slipping back off into unconsciousness quickly. “Keep that pressure on that leg, Barnes. I see the truck.” the same unfamiliar voice spoke. The sound of a vehicle fast approaching and men’s yelling was the last thing I heard before I gave in to the darkness. 

——

When I woke the second time I knew instantly I was either in a med tent or at a hospital. I knew the feeling of those beds anywhere. I groaned a little when I became aware of the aches I felt in my body. Lord, I hurt. 

“Fuck.” I groaned, blinking blearily as I slowly came to. What the fuck happened? 

“Is she waking up?” 

“I don’t know. Get the doctor.” 

“No way I ain’t leaving her.” 

“Well I ain’t either.” 

“Would you two shut up?” I asked, opening my eyes slowly and squinting at the too bright of a room. Definitely an Army hospital. Trauma unit if I had to guess. 

“Oh my god, Mary.” I heard Bucky breathe out before a pair of hands came to cup my face. I still was having a hard time seeing with how bright it was and how heavy my eyes felt, so I couldn’t help but flinch away from the sudden touch. 

“Hey, hey. It’s me. It’s Buck, babydoll. Open your eyes for me.” his soothing voice spoke. I whined from the pain in my stomach when I tried to sit up, sinking back down before opening my eyes all the way. 

Sure enough, right before me was James Buchanan Barnes. My husband. “Buck.” I breathed out in awe, not sure if I was dead. “Did, did I die? Am I dead?” I asked, not truly believing he was sitting right in front of me. 

“No. But you gave it your best shot.” He said with a little chuckle. I scrunched my eyebrows when the pain washed over my again. What the fuck is going on. I looked down at my arm, seeing a thick line of stitches there. Right, I had that cut open. 

“What happened?” I asked, trying to remember if I had a bad dream or if the last week and a half actually happened to me. 

“Mary, maybe it’s best you try to rest right now. I’ll go get the doctor.” Steve soothed, coaxing me to lay back down. “Stevie?” I questioned skeptically, still not believing what I was seeing. 

That...that wasn’t Steve. It sure sounded like him, but it didn’t look like him. He was big. Steve was not. “Yeah, yeah it’s me.” He said with a bashful smile. 

“Are you sure I ain’t dead?” I blurted out, staring at him in wonder. I mean I knew he had a procedure but, what fuckin procedure resulted in that? It was true, the whole Captain America thing. That man on the poster, it was truly him. 

He smiled and nodded, “Sure am. Hang tight I’m getting the doctor.” He said before walking out of the room. 

“Let’s get you sat up, doll. How’s that sound?” Bucky said, standing from his place next to the bed and walking around to the back. He moved the bed up a little so I sat up just enough so I wasn’t flat, but I wasn’t pulling on my injuries. 

“Bucky. What happened out there? I remember bein on the table then I swore I saw you guys then I heard lots of yellin and was in a fuck ton of pain and now I’m here.” I said, bringing my hand up to rub at my face. 

“You went through some bad things. We will talk when the doctor leaves again. But for now I want him to look you over, make sure you are not about to die on us.” He said with a grim smile. 

“Don’t worry. I can’t.” I mumbled, my head feeling a little woozy still. I closed my eyes, so badly wanting to go back to sleep, but the door opened up and a doctor walked in followed by Steve. 

“Hello, lieutenant. I’m Doctor Wilkes. How are we feeling?” He asked, coming to the side of my bed. “Like I got tortured by Nazis for a week.” I replied with a grimace. He hummed before moving the blanket away from my leg to check the bandage on my leg. I looked down and saw the stark white bandage on it, my breath hitching as I remember what happened to me. Zola. He cut my artery, he left me there because he thought my body could repair itself. Yet, here I was. So he had to have been right about some things because I sure as shit wasn’t dead. 

“Let me see it.” I insisted looking up at him. His eyebrows raised and he looked at my husbands. “Mary, I don’t think that is a good idea. You had a pretty bad injury and it’s healing.” Bucky said. I shook my head, needing to see it. What if it healed like my arm did?

“I’m afraid he is right. You have experience with trauma, yes?” the doctor asked. I nodded. “Then you know that once a traumatic wound has been sutured you should only remove the dressings to clean it and redress it. Removing it simply to look at it is not part of the healing process. I can assure you, you got the best treatment there is out here. You still have your leg after all.” He said with a smile. I sighed, nodding my head and leaning back. 

“I will be having a nurse come in and provide you with some pain medication, it will make you tired but sleep is the best medicine for injuries.” The doctor said before looking at my arm and stomach incisions. They had both been sutured up and cleaned, and they looked pretty good all things considered. The doctor said his farewells before I was left in the room with my husbands. 

We were silent for a few beats, none of us knowing how to react. This was not the way we wanted to reunite. Then, something clicked and I gasped suddenly.

“Bucky!” I yelled, looking over at him. He startled in his chair, looking at me with wide eyes. “What? What’s wrong?” He fussed, standing up quickly to look me over. 

“You’re alive!” I gasped out, looking at him with wide eyes too. He faltered, before letting out a slow exasperated breath. “Jesus, Mary. That is what you are focusing on? You just realized that?” He asked with a disbelieving smile. 

“Ana, she said, she said your unit was captured by Nazis. And that you were there. And I thought you were dead.” I said quickly. He smiled that crooked smile before looking over at Steve. “Well, I guess I gave it my best shot too. This punk over here saved my ass for once. Can you believe that?” Bucky asked looking back at me and smoothing the hair off my forehead. 

“Ah, leave her alone Buck. She’s had a rough couple of days.” Steve said with his own smile. I looked over at him, still not believing he was my Steve. 

“What are you giving me that look for? I ain’t the one who is laughin!” Steve said, raising his hands. I narrowed my eyes, staring at his face. He sure looked like Steve there, but….

“When and where did we meet?” I asked him, staring him down. Bucky snorted and let out a sharp laugh, quickly covering his mouth to shut himself up. “W-what?” Steve stuttered. 

“When and where did we meet?” I repeated again. Bucky lost it then, tossing his head back and laughing. “She doesn’t believe it’s you, punk.” he laughed, shaking his head. 

“Mary, come on doll you know it’s me.” Steve said with a smile. I shook my head, I had to be sure. Steve sighed, shaking his head. 

“Six years ago on the playground when you were fifteen. Some assholes pulled your skirt up and everyone saw your marks. Bucky came over and beat the shit outta him.” Steve said with a fond smile. 

I smiled then, it was truly him. “Now do you believe it’s me?” he asked. I nodded, giving him my own smile before relaxing back in the bed. We were silent for a few more moments before Bucky sighed. I knew that sigh, there was always a lecture with that sigh. 

“Before you start, I don’t wanna hear it. Everything that happened wasn’t my fault.” I said, trying to stop him before he even started. “You don’t want it, but you’re getting it.” he said, standing up with a huff. 

“Here we go.” Steve muttered, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms with a bemused smile. It wasn’t so bad, Bucky stood there with his arms crossed staring at me in the bed. I only knew I was in for a tongue lashing when he...oh shit here he goes. He’s pacing now. Fuck. 

“Buck, come on I am injured and tired.” I tried, not wanting to hear what he was about to say, but clamped my mouth shut quickly at the look he gave me. Oh he was mad if he was willing to lecture me when I was in a hospital bed. Steve leaned over and whispered, “It ain’t so bad. I got one when I rescued his sorry ass. He at least ain’t going to spank ya.” He whispered before pressing a light kiss to my lips and sitting back. I couldn’t even be excited about the first kiss he gave me since I got back, I was too focused watching Bucky pace like a caged animal. 

“I told you to stay home.” Bucky started. I winced, looking down at my lap. Here we go. “I told you, this is no place for you. I told you this was a war and bad things happen in war. You promised me you wouldn’t come out here.” he said, stopping his pacing to look me square in the eyes. “Bucky, please. You already knew I was here. Why am I being lectured when I’ve been here for months?” I asked quietly. 

“Because your decision to come out here almost cost you your life!” he all but yelled, shutting me up quickly. He didn’t yell unless he was really, really mad. I pursed my lips tightly, my stomach twisting at his words. 

“Goddamn it, Mary. You almost died out there. Do you understand that?” he asked, his eyes glassy with tears. “I know.” I choked out, a lump forming in my throat as my eyes quickly filled too. “You don’t. You don’t know. We found you strapped to a fucking table cut open like a fucking animal who was being slaughtered.” he said, his voice catching in his throat. 

“Do you know what it is like to hold your fucking soulmates wounds closed during evac transport? No. You don’t. But now I fucking do. I had to sit there and hold a fucking tournequit on your leg while they packed your wounds. You chose to come out here, you chose to join the corps, and you chose to be a field medic. This all happened because you decided to not listen.” he said, his voice cracking at the end. He let out a deep breath, wiping at his face before resuming his pacing. I opened my mouth to retaliate but thought better of it. He made all true points. 

He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “I have every right to send you home today.” he said in a dangerously calm voice now that he took a second to calm back down. My heart sank at that. “No! No, please Bucky don’t send me home!” I begged, trying to sit up. 

“Do not move.” he bit out harshly, stopping my movements. I halted, before slowly returning to my original position. I may be a dumbass sometimes, but I knew better than to defy Bucky when he was this upset. He sighed, shaking his head at himself before grabbing an extra pillow and walking over to me. “Put your arm around my neck, babydoll.” he said quietly, leaning down so I could do so. I listened instantly, letting him gently guide me into a higher position before putting the pillow behind my back. 

“Buck, go easy on her. She gets the point.” Steve said, trying to defend me the way he always does when I’m in trouble. He has found himself over Bucky’s lap for it in fact. “You have no room to talk, Steve. You did the same damn thing.” Bucky scolded. I cowered down at his voice, I hated when we fought. “And I paid for that. What she did was to help people and you know it, Buck. She did nothing that the both of us didn’t do. So back off of her.” Steve said. 

Bucky sighed, rubbing his forehead before looking at me. “I should send you home.” He said before shaking his head. “But I won’t. We just got you back, I ain’t letting you leave my damn sight again.” 

“Which means…” I trailed off, my brain struggling to keep up with what was happening. “Which means you are going to stay with us at the SSR headquarters for the next couple of weeks while you recover. Then from there, I gotta figure somethin out.” Bucky said with a heavy sigh before he scrubbed at his face. 

SSR...I knew that. How did I know that? Oh yeah, Steve. That is who he had his procedure done with. But if I’m at headquarters, I’m not in Italy anymore. “Guys? Where am I?” I asked, my head spinning with the information I was processing. 

“I just said, you’re at headquarters.” Bucky said, giving Steve a concerned look out of the corner of his eye. “No, I know that. I mean what country am I in? Am I still in Italy?” I asked frustratedly. 

“No, baby. You’re in London now. You’ve been asleep for three days.” Steve said softly. I let out a breath, dropping my head back against the pillow. Three days. That meant the word of my team must’ve gotten back to Naples, which meant…

“Oh my gosh!” I gasped, looking at them in fear. They stared at me, waiting for me to continue. “Fuck! Someone needs to let Ana know I’m alive!” I insisted, throwing the blanket off me as I started to move off the bed. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Get your ass back in that bed.” Bucky said, rushing over to stop me. “No, I need to write Ana.” I said, weakly pushing against Bucky but lord was I tired. “And I’m telling you no. We will handle it. Get back in bed.” He said, repositioning me so my legs were back on the bed rather than dangling off the side where I was pulling painfully on my stomach. 

“She won’t believe me unless I write it.” I said, still trying to get past him. “Mary I swear to Mother Mary and Christ Almighty all the same, if you don’t get back in bed then I am going to turn you over and spank you. I don’t care if you’re hurt.” Steve said sharply, halting my movements. I looked at him incredulously, Steve never spanked me unless I really messed up. My mouth dropped open and I looked at Bucky, he wouldn’t let him spank me if I was hurt. 

Bucky raised his eyebrow, making me scoff. No way was I alone in this one. “You wouldn’t.” I said looking at Steve. “I would.” He said. I narrowed my eyes before slumping back into the bed with a wince. 

“Well. Can I just say, I’ve fucking missed you so much.” Bucky said, kissing my forehead with a fond smile. 

——

Recovery sucked, I know from dealing with plenty of soldiers who recovered from battle wounds. But the worst thing for me is whatever that Zola asshole stuck me with made me heal fast, real fast. I haven’t told Bucky and Steve about what actually happened at the base, I was too scared that they would think I am some kind of freak. But, it has been three days since I arrived in London and I was already healed. In fact, it was currently around two in the morning and I was in Steve and Bucky’s shared bathroom with a candle lit while I was removing my own stitches. 

The skin had begun healing at a rapid pace, and it actually healed over the stitches. So now here I was, removing the most superficial layer is skin and plucking the thread out of my skin. I hissed in pain as I pulled the thread with a pair of tweezers, pausing when I heard rustling in the other room. 

That was just another thing, my hearing had gotten so much better. It was like whatever Zola injected me with needed a few days to incubate before it worked the way he wanted it to. Regardless, it was definitely an adjustment. Steve and Bucky weren’t stupid, they knew something was different with me beyond the side effects of going through war, but none of us have brought it up yet. 

A knock on the store startled me out of my thoughts and I pulled harshly on the stitch. “Fuck!” I cursed loudly, dropping the tweezers. “God damnit.” I swore, when blood began oozing from my incision. Fucking great, Mary. You pulled the skin. It’s not as if I haven’t removed stitches hundreds of times before with bombs dropping around you. “Mary, are you okay in there?” I heard Bucky ask from the other side of the door. 

“Shit.” I swore quietly, taking some toilet paper to press on my arm before opening the door and peeking around it. “Yes. I’m fine.” I said, moving to close the door but his foot stopped it. 

“You didn’t sound fine. Are you okay? What are you doing in here with all the lights off?” He asked, trying to peek around the door. “Ain’t you aware that it’s rude to bother a lady while in the bathroom?” I asked him, trying to lighten the mood so he didn’t know what I was actually doing. 

“That rule doesn’t matter when you are married to someone you’ve known since you were kids. Especially when that someone is your wife who tends to act just a little recklessly and is supposed to be resting.” He said, bumping the door with his shoulder. “Let me in, babydoll.” 

I panicked, pressing the door harder with my own shoulder. His eyebrow raised, and he let out a warning “Mary…” 

“Nothin wrong in here, Buck. No need for ya to come in.” I said, before tacking on “let me just finish up and I’ll come to bed. Swear it.” 

He narrowed his eyes, trying to open the door a little more. “No!” I shouted, pressing the door closed. Fuck, he has me cornered now. I never try to hide things unless I’ve done something I knew was wrong, and my soulmates knew the way I worked better than anyone else in this world. 

“Mary. What are you hiding?” He asked knowingly. “Nothing, please go away.” I said, trying to press the door closed. Unfortunately for me, Bucky has bulked up a little in the way of muscle since joining the army and he was easily able to push open the door. 

“Fuck.” I cursed, stepping out of the way when I knew he had me. He stepped into the room, flicking the light on to look around. His eyes landed on the tweezers, before slowly traveling up my body. “God damnit, Mary.” He sighed when he saw me holding the toilet paper against my arm. 

“I’m a nurse, I know what I’m doing.” I defended, moving my arm away when he went to grab me. “What are you doing? Are you taking out your stitches?” He demanded. I huffed in annoyance, leave it to me to have overprotective husbands. 

“Yes. I am actually.” I said, picking up the tweezers and running them under the sink. I don’t need proper sanitation, I obviously will be fine. 

“W’as goin on? Are you two fighting?” Steve slurred with sleep, walking to the bathroom in nothing but a pair of underwear. My eyes lingered on his body, still not used to seeing him look like that. No, not the time for ogling. 

“I think Mary had some brain trauma. She’s acting like more of a dumbass than normal.” Bucky said, making me roll my eyes. At least we were still able to joke around like normal. 

“Be nice to me, asshole. I’ve had a lot of shit happen to me in the last week.” I said, earning me a shake of his head. 

“What is she doin that has your panties in a wad?” Steve asked, making me snort before I covered it with a cough. Bucky glared at me before turning to Steve. “She’s removing her stitches.” He said sharply. Steve’s head whipped to look at me, his eyebrows creasing as he gave me a look I have decided I absolutely hate. One that screamed disappointment. “Mary. Why would you do that? The doctor said two weeks. It’s only been three days.” He began but stopped when I moved the toilet paper off my arm to reveal the fully healed skin. 

“I gotta tell y’all somethin.” I said a little nervously. Bucky gave Steve a look, one that screamed ‘ _ I told you she was hiding something’ _ before looking at me. “You know you can tell us anything, Mary.” Bucky said softly. I nodded, taking a shaky breath in. Well, no going back now. It was out there in the open and on the table for discussion. 

“I, ah shit. I don’t even know how to start.” I said, running my hand through my hair. “Take your time, baby.” Steve said gently, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom. 

“When I was in that base, there was a doctor. He said his name was Zola or something. Anyways. The first day I was there he stuck me with a needle, a big one. It had some green liquid in it, and I don’t know about you but I ain’t ever seen antibiotics that are green. He said it was a serum or somethin.” I said, looking nervously at my husbands. Bucky let out a shuddered breath and Steve gripped his hand as he nodded for me to continue. 

“After he stuck me, I felt pain. I was in so much pain.” I said, tears stinging my eyes as I remembered that. I swore I was going to die that night. I rubbed at my eyes, trying to control myself as I spoke. 

“Then, when I woke up he said I was supposed to heal fast or something like that. I don’t remember exactly, everything hurt too bad. So he, he cut me. He took a scalpel and he just cut me up. My arm and my stomach.” I said, my lip wobbling as I told my boys what happened to me. “Oh baby.” Bucky crooned, coming forward to wrap me in a tight embrace. 

“He cut me like I was some experiment. Like I was a frog in a science class.” I cried, truly processing what actually happened for the first time. It was...a lot. It was a lot to handle, to realize I went through something bad like that. I have been so caught up in being reunited with my husbands that I never took the chance to fully think about what happened to me. 

“I am so sorry, Mary. I swear to you nothing will ever happen like that again. You got Stevie and I now, we will keep you safe.” Bucky promised, kissing the top of my head. 

“That ain’t all. He came back a day or so later, and the inside part of my arm healed, like it sealed off the important stuff before deciding that was all it needed to do for the time. He saw that, and he got curious. That was when he decided to really experiment. He took that scalpel and he cut my leg open, he cut it so deep and I felt everything.” I cried, looking up at Steve from where Bucky had my head pressed tight against his chest. Steve had unshed tears in his eyes and he looked horrified at what I was saying. 

“After he cut my leg open, he. Oh god.” I cried, a sob ripping its way past my lips as I remembered what happened. “Shhh. You don’t have to say any more.” Bucky shushed me. I shook my head, they needed to hear this. I needed to tell someone. 

“He, he cut it so deep that he made it to my artery. Then, he grabbed the scalpel and he..he cut that too.” I sobbed, letting Bucky hold me tighter. 

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky whispered. “I’m gonna fuckin kill him.” Steve said, quieting down when Bucky gave him a look that said ‘ _ not the time _ ’. 

“But. But you know what happened? The worst part? The worst part is it healed, right there. My artery healed itself. It stitched itself back together like nothin. Right in front of his eyes. It’s like, well, ugh. He said he believes I can’t die, that my body won’t let me. It repairs the important stuff until I’m healthy enough to repair the small stuff.” I said, breaking away from Bucky to pull my night dress up. 

“Look.” I said, thrusting my leg out so they could look at it. In the middle of my leg was the long line of stitches, encased in a thin layer of skin that grew over it. “So. You have enhanced healing?” Steve asked, looking away from my leg and up at my face. I bit my lip, nodding. Did he hate me? 

He let out a slow breath, nodding his head. “I mean, I got it too. But I don’t even know if I heal that fast.” he said, rubbing his face. I nodded, looking back down at my leg. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was, I was just supposed to be a nurse. I wasn’t supposed to see combat, or go in the field, or be captured and experimented on.” I sniffled, wiping at my nose with the back of my hand. How ladylike. 

“Don’t apologize. Don’t you ever apologize for what happened. You did not ask to be captured, and what happened was because those are bad, bad people. Do you hear me? That was not your fault.” Steve said sternly. I nodded, worrying my lip between my teeth. 

“Come here, both of ya.” Bucky said, pulling me into his arms again before grabbing Steve. Just like so many times back in Brooklyn, Bucky held both Steve and I in his arms. He kissed both of our foreheads and whispered how much he loved both of us. It was nice, until he broke it off. “Alright, let's get these stitches out of ya.” he said, grabbing the tweezers and sitting down on the toilet before patting my leg to hold out for him.

Steve came behind me and held me close to his chest, whispering praises in my ear as Bucky used the tweezers to remove the stitches carefully. I could’ve easily done it myself, but it was nice having my boys back to help take care of me, and it made everything going on just a little more bearable. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, finally. An update.   
> This chapter is where the tags for domestic discipline and spanking come in. If you don't like that, or if it makes you uncomfortable, please don't read. I think it is a huge part of the trio's dynamics and I am quite happy with how it worked out in this chapter.   
> Other than that, not much else to say! Please enjoy!

December 1943

“No! This is bullshit! I am going back to Naples.” I insisted, following Bucky and Steve from where they were walking out of the little meeting we just had with Colonel Phillips. I had been informed that I would not be going back to my base, but that I was to stay with Steve and Bucky and their own little team and accompany them on their own missions as a field medic. 

“Mary, watch your mouth.” Bucky chastised at the same time Steve began talking, “You were just informed you will be going on missions with the Howling Commandos, and you are complaining and saying you want to go back to Naples?” Steve asked bewilderedly, walking towards the building that housed our living quarters. I nodded, quickening my pace to catch up to them. 

“Yes! Because I am part of the US fifth, not the 107th, and not the Commandos. I need to get back there and help Ana. She can’t run the med tent on her own. She needs me. I was our lead, not her. Goddammit, Bucky, Steve, stop and listen to me for one second!” I yelled, grabbing their arms and stopping them when they continued walking during my little rant. They stopped, turning to look at me exasperatedly. 

“Look. I know what happened scared you guys, believe me when I say it scared me too. I was the one on that table. But I need to go back to Naples. I am a nurse, not a soldier. I don’t want to fight with you guys. I don't want to leave y'all again, but I don’t belong in the field. That has become painfully clear.” I said, looking between the two of them. 

“Well, it’s a good thing you won’t be a soldier innit?” Bucky said with a cocked brow. I huffed, looking at Steve. “Steve, come on you know this is a bad idea. I shouldn’t be out there with you guys.” I tried. He pursed his lips, looking at Bucky who gave him a look back. We both knew that in this marriage, Buck usually got the final word.

“Mary, I know you don’t want to switch bases. But being with us is the safest place you can be with this war. We have top of the line everything, and we need a medic on the team. I can’t think of anyone more qualified than you.” Steve said. I groaned in frustration, looking away before looking back at my soulmates. I loved them, I really did, but God they pushed my buttons like nobody else could. 

“What would being a medic entail?” I asked him. I don't necessarily not want to be their medic, I just didn’t want to leave Ana behind. “Are you saying yes?” Bucky asked with a smirk. God that smirk has gotten me to do some things that my momma would roll in her grave over. “Do I actually have a choice?” 

“Well considering I am your superior officer, and am deciding to put you on my team as the medic for the Commandos, technically no. And as your husbands, we get the final say in what you do. I know ya don’t like it, but that’s just how it is babydoll. So you have two choices, you can come with us as our medic, or we can get you sent home where we can ask Bucky’s ma to keep an eye on you. Your choice.” Steve said before giving me a sarcastic smile. 

Underneath all that Captain America charm was still that punk ass kid from Brooklyn who was sarcastic as shit and had a mouth on him that would make a sailor blush. I groaned, looking at them in annoyance. We must make quite the sight. Here I was, facing off to Captain America and his right hand man, all while in my official nursing uniform. To an outsider, it may look like insubordination, which isn't an inaccurate description, but in reality, it was a very annoyed wife getting fed up with men telling her what she can and can’t do. 

“You know, I have been in Europe for months. Months. And I did just fine without the two of ya looming over my shoulder and telling me what to do.” I said, shoving my finger into Bucky’s chest. He caught my hand easily, twisting me so my back was pressed against his chest, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. 

“Think nice and hard about your next move, you already have a trip over my knee comin. I don’t mind extending that time at all.” he said quietly, his hand moving down to place a sharp smack on my butt through my skirt. I let out a little squeak, looking around quickly to see if anyone was nearby. God, I could only imagine what would happen if someone saw Bucky handling me like this. 

“Buck. Maybe we should go back to our room now.” Steve said, siding with Bucky. My mouth dropped as I watched him walk away, looking up at Bucky. “What? You heard him.” he said, releasing his hold on me and urging me forward. “Steve you're supposed to be on my side!” I said with a small pout. “Babydoll, if siding with Bucky means keeping an eye on you myself and both of us protecting you, then I will side with him any day.” he said. I sighed, he had a good point. If I went with them, I wouldn’t be separated from them anymore. I would be able to keep my own eye on them and make sure they don’t do anything to kill themselves. Would that be such a bad thing? 

We walked across the base until we made it to our building. “Am I really goin over your lap?” I asked after a minute of silence. “Yup.” Bucky replied easily, walking as if we weren’t discussing him spanking me. “I don’t think that is entirely fair to me.” I said, earning a huffed laugh from him. 

“You know damn well that is a lie, Mary. I promised ya a trip over my lap with the belt when you decided to join the war. I ain’t a man who breaks his word.” He said seriously. I scoffed, shaking my head at him. 

“Would it make a difference if I told you I wouldn’t hold it against you if you did?” I asked, stopping in front of the door as Steve fished his keys out of his pocket. 

“Not a chance.” Bucky said before pressing a kiss on my lips and swatting my butt as I walked into the apartment. Honestly, the place was pretty nice. It was bigger than the one we had back in Brooklyn, but it didn’t feel like home. This had no decor, except for the oddball drawings that Bucky do doubt pinned to the walls. The couch looked like something out of my granny’s house, and the floor squeaked in some places. The kitchen was small, but it got the job done. The bed was bigger than most men on base probably had, one of the perks of being Captain America I suppose, but it was still a tight squeeze for the three of us. 

“Can I give you my side of things?” I asked Bucky once we made it into the room and the door was firmly shut and locked by Steve. 

“Sweetheart there ain't much to talk about anymore.” Bucky said, toeing off his shoes by the door before shrugging off his jacket. Steve did the same, hanging his military jacket next to Bucky’s on the coat rack. 

“There is! I didn’t do nothin wrong!” I insisted, my Brooklyn twang coming out more than it has in months. I guess being by those two did that to me. 

“Do you remember what I said in my letter I sent when you first joined the corps?” Bucky asked, making his way to the living room. Of course I remembered, how could I forget the promise of a belting? 

“That’s why you’re spankin me? For joinin the army? Well then shit, you better get Steve too.” I said, pointing at the said man who was watching our interaction with a fond look. The bastard was enjoying this. 

“Woah now, I already paid that price. You keep me and my ass outta this.” Steve interjected, raising his hands up. I rolled my eyes, of course he had gotten spanked. That was how Bucky worked. Nothing serious goes unpunished in our relationship. Especially if it involves our safety. 

“Doll, ya ain’t winnin this. Just accept that fact. I promised ya a belting and that’s what you’ll be getting. It ain’t just about joining the war. It’s about you throwing yourself at danger without a damn care. You willingly and knowingly requested to go overseas on the off chance of running into me. Steve was still in the States then, but you decided to come to where the war was at its worst. It’s about you breaking your promise to me. I know you thought you were doin what was right. Now don’t get me wrong, I am so proud of ya and everything you have done. But also disappointed in some of your actions. Not you, just your actions. You get what I’m tryin to say?” Bucky asked as he undid his belt and pulled it through the loops before setting it on the table. 

I watched his movements carefully, feeling slightly sick at the sight of the belt. Lord I hated that thing, almost as much as the stupid razor strap. Not as much, but it was a close second. 

I nodded when he asked me a question, before quickly correcting myself to mutter out a “yes, Bucky.” I may not like it, but I knew why he was doing this. I made him a promise that night of the expo, and then I went out and broke that promise. He was keeping me accountable, something I have always loved to hate about him. 

He nodded, settling down on the edge of the couch. “Good. Now get out of your uniform, I don’t wanna mess it up. Put on something comfortable real quick then come back out.” He ordered. I nodded before scurrying off to the bedroom and forcing myself to ignore the quiet conversation between Steve and Bucky that began when I turned around. 

The boys had gone out and gotten me some clothes when I was in the hospital. Some nice little dresses and skirts, the type of stuff I would’ve worn back home. It was a nice gesture, but it felt odd wearing anything but my nursing uniforms now. 

Regardless, I stripped out of said uniform down to my brassiere and panties, not bothering to keep my garter and stockings on. I slipped into one of the loosest fitting dresses I could find, before making my way back to the living room. 

Bucky and Steve were standing there, talking quietly with their backs facing the bedroom. I caught only a few words of their conversation. But it was enough for me to figure out that they had to leave for a mission again, and that I was coming along. 

I cleared my throat a little to get their attention. I may have lost some of my manners with the war, but I wasn’t about to eavesdrop on my husbands’ obviously private conversation. 

They both went silent before looking at me. Steve gave me a small smile before walking to me. “I have some stuff I need to do, so I’m going to be out for a bit. It’ll just be the two of ya. Be good, okay?” he asked, pressing a kiss to my lips. I nodded, biting my lip. “I love you.” I said, earning me a dazzling smile. 

“I love you too.” He said back, kissing me sweetly before going to kiss Bucky. “Don’t be too hard on her.” He mumbled against his lips before turning to walk out of the door. I was so nervous about what was coming that I didn’t even notice he didn’t take his jacket when he left. 

The door closed and it was just Bucky and I. He was staring at me while I nervously shifted on the spot, keeping my eyes down and looking at my bare feet on the hardwood. There was nothing worse in this world than the way Bucky looks at you before he tanned your hide. It made your stomach twist with nerves, you knew it was coming, and there was nothing you could do about it. 

“Mary.” Bucky started before sighing a little. “Come here. I just need to hold ya for a second.” He said, walking forward and wrapping me in his arms. I easily melted into his embrace letting him hold me tight against his chest and kissing the top of my head. “I ain’t excited about this either.” He murmured into my hair. 

I closed my eyes, sinking into his embrace and nodding my head at his words. God, I fucking missed my boys. I felt a little emotional then, realizing after months of being in a war, we all somehow came out of it and ended back up together. My eyes stung as tears pricked at the corners, and I buried my face into his chest and tightened my arms around him. 

He shushed me quietly, smoothing my hair down and kissing the top of my head before resting his cheek on it. “I know. You are alright, doll. I got ya now.” he said quietly, backing us up before guiding us so we were situated on the couch. I shoved my face in his shoulder, unsure if I wanted to cry or not. Things were just so...overwhelming. I sure was glad that I had my fellas here with me, otherwise I wasn’t so sure how I would be handling it all. 

“If you gotta cry, you can cry. You know I ain’t ever gonna judge ya. When Stevie and I finally got a second alone, we both ended up cryin.” he said with a small chuckle before his voice went serious again. “But seriously doll, you need to tell us how to help you. I know everything you have gone through can't be easy to deal with. No matter what it is, no matter what you did, you can always talk to Stevie and me. For better or for worse, remember?” he said, kissing my temple and holding me a few moments longer when the wall I had built up during the war crumbled. I let out a shuddered breath before letting out the first sob. 

“There ya go. Let it all out, baby. I got ya now.” Bucky soothed as the tears began dripping from my eyes. Every emotion I had pent up began coming out. I thought of all the men that died under my hands, my team, the torture, the thought of my boys out there in a war, all of it. I cried into Bucky’s shoulder for God knows how long. His shirt began to dampen from my tears, but he continued rocking us and soothing me as I cried. Eventually, I cried myself dry, and my eyes ached and my nose had been rubbed raw. 

“You okay now?” he asked me, pulling me back so he could look into my eyes. I nodded, I felt better, but I knew the moment he began lecturing me while I was over his lap it would start again. It never fails, even if I cried before a punishment I always cried during his lectures. I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand before taking the handkerchief he offered me from his pocket. 

“Yeah.” I whispered as I wiped my nose before looking into his eyes so he knew I meant it. I felt calmer now, except for my pounding heart as I realized what came next. “Alright. You know the drill then, sweetheart.” he said, gently urging me so rather than sitting in his lap, I was now draped over it. I whined a little, it had been a while since I found myself in this particular position. 

“Hush now. Don’t be kickin up a fuss. Nothin I ain’t seen before.” he said when I tried to wriggle out of his grasp when he began pulling my dress up past my panties. “Buck..” I tried again when he began rolling the skirt of the dress up a little so it was out of the way, before hooking his fingers into the waist of my panties. 

“Mary what did I just say?” he asked in a warning tone, halting his movements. “I don’t think this is necessary.” I said, hoping to get out of this before it even started. “This is entirely necessary.” he said, pulling my underwear down the rest of the way so they rested in the crook of my knees. I flushed furiously at my exposed position. Yeah, it had been a long while since Bucky saw me like this. 

“You remember the rules, babydoll?” he asked, splaying his right hand over my cheek while the other came to rest on my lower back. “The color system?” I asked, referring back to the rules we implemented all the way back in Brooklyn when we first began the discipline part of our relationship when I was just sixteen. 

“That’s the one. Can you remind me what the color system is?” he asked, rubbing small circles on my back as we talked. If I could flush any more, I did at his words. 

“Green is good, yellow is slow down, and red is stop.” I recited, Steve and I having said these words hundreds of times before. It was almost a tradition to recite our system before any sort of punishment. 

“Good girl. I’m gonna warm ya up with my hand first then we will use the belt. Sit still for me, yeah?” He asked, raising his right hand from my backside. 

Before I could even agree, he was bringing his hand back down with a heavy smack. I gasped, my body jolting forward a little. Oh lord, I won’t be sitting for a week. 

Without any prompting, he repeated the motion again. Bucky always was very meticulous when he was punishing Steve and me. He would lay his smacks with the same power, in a very specific pattern, merely seconds apart. The first time I couldn’t understand why, but by the time the punishment was halfway over I was a sobbing mess begging him to stop because I knew where and when the next one would come. 

His hand fell onto that sensitive place where my thighs meet the curve of my butt, and I decided I didn’t want this. I placed my hands on his legs and tried to push off of him, but he was quick to pull me back down and placed his hand firmly on the middle of my back. 

“I know you did not just try to stand up.” He said, bringing his hand down a little harder than before. I cried out, trying to wriggle again. His hand pressed harder on my back, keeping me still as he laid a flurry of spanks in quick discussion to any skin he could get his hand on. 

“Mary Elizabeth Rogers-Barnes. You absolutely know better than to try and get up during a spanking. I am not the one who made you do the actions that landed you in this position. That was all your doing. So now you need to face the consequences. If it is too much what do you do?” He asked as he spanked me through his lecture. Tears welled in my eyes and I knew it wouldn’t be long until I was crying. Then, he would grab the belt and the true punishment would begin. 

“I use my colors.” I cried out when he laid a hard smack in the middle of my butt. “Mmhm. So why are you trying to push away? Do you think you are being unfairly punished? If so, I can go get Steve and he can watch and make sure I’m not going too far. Better yet, he can do it. Would that make you feel better?” He asked, even though I know he didn’t mean it. He was just trying to make a point. 

I would never, ever, want Steve to spank me again. It happened one time, and it was probably the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened. The worst thing was, he hit almost as hard as Bucky. And that was before the serum, so I could only imagine how a trip over his lap would go now. 

“No. No, don't get Steve.” I insisted, forcing myself to lay still over his lap. He hummed, waiting to make sure I wouldn’t move again before his hand fell down again with a loud smack. I hissed, my body jolting again. 

This went on for what felt like an hour, which was probably only five minutes, before he began the infamous lecture that came before the true punishment. 

“Do you know why I have you over my knee, Mary?” Bucky asked, pausing his movements. I took in a shuddering breath, blinking away the tears that collected in my eyes. 

“For disobeying you.” I said, clenching his leg a little tighter when he placed a stinging swat on my upper thigh. 

“Disobeying me for what?” He prompted, rubbing away the sting as he waited for my answer. 

“I enlisted against your direct wishes. I went behind your back even when you said not to.” I said, crying out when he smacked the other thigh. 

“Yeah, you did. That ain’t going to fly again, sweetheart. When Steve and I tell ya somethin, we expect you to listen. Especially now that you are goin to be sticking with us. You understand? We ain't sayin things to control your life, we tell ya things to keep you safe.” he asked, spanking the area where my thighs met right under my butt in the middle. 

“Yes, sir!” I gasped, the overwhelming need to cry taking over every sense in my body. He didn’t comment on the use of the word ‘sir’, it had become a pretty regular thing for Steve and me to let slip during a punishment, not that Bucky minded. 

“And you are done recklessly endangering your life, right? No more throwing yourself into the face of danger?” he asked, rubbing my back to soothe me before the belt came out. “That might be hard when I am goin into the field with you guys.'' I sniffled, rubbing my nose and eyes before placing my hand back down on the ground. 

“That is true, but we will give you expectations. If we tell you to find cover, you are going to do that, not try and play a hero. Sometimes you have to do things that you aren’t proud of in a war, but you do what you can to keep yourself safe. Now at least, we can make sure you are doin that.” he said, tapping my thigh a few times. 

“You understand?” he asked, placing the last stinging swat on the swell of my bottom. “Yes, Buck.” I said, wincing and rubbing at my face again. 

“So tell me, Mary. Why are you over my lap?” he asked, resting his palm on my burning backside. “Because I went against my word and did something you specifically told me not to do. Then I was reckless and put my life in danger by coming overseas to the war.” I said, my voice getting a little shakier as I admitted my wrongdoings. This was always the worst part. 

“I’m sorry, Buck. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or Steve. I didn’t think things would go this way. I-I should've listened. Had I listened and gone home, I wouldn’t be the way I am now.” I said, the tears really kicking in now. I don’t know what it was, but Bucky must’ve because every single time I ended up in this position, the truth of anything and everything that was bugging me always came out. It was like he literally spanked it out of me. Whatever it was, as much as I hated to admit it, I always ended a punishment feeling as if I weighed fifty pounds lighter. 

“I know, doll. And while what you did was incredibly dumb and could've got you killed, you have helped so many people. They still talk about the nurses who ran through the battlefield at Salerno. You got lucky that God decided he wanted you back with Steve and I. Lots of men out here don’t get that lucky. I ain't happy you are here, but I sure as hell will do everything I can to make sure you are safe. You don’t want to go home to ma, that is fine. I didn’t expect you to. But if you are going to be here, the three of us need to sit down and make sure we are all on the same page of what is to be expected of us. I will not risk losing you. I love you, Mary. I just got ya back, and no matter what those Nazi bastards did to you, I will always love you.” he said, helping me off his lap and hugging me. 

“I know this all doesn’t make sense. I’m punishing you for coming here, but I am letting you stay. Had I not put it in writing about a belting, you probably only would have gotten a lecture. But, I am a man of my word.” he said, reaching down and picking up his belt. I whined in the back of my throat, looking up at him with pleading eyes. Hadn’t I gotten enough? 

“Only going to get seven today. After this, I expect you to never make the same mistakes. Your life is much too valuable to be careless with. I want to protect you, and if that means protecting you from yourself then that is fine with me.” he said, guiding me so I was leaning over the arm of the couch. 

“I love you, babydoll.” he said, bringing the leather to rest on my skin. “I love you too.” I said, closing my eyes and bracing myself for the impact. 

Bucky went easy on me with his first hit, that was easy to tell. It hardly left a sting, but the second one had a little more power to it. It wasn’t the belting itself that brought on the waterworks, it was the reason behind it. All the guilt of war, the guilt of being here, the guilt of going behind my husband’s back, the guilt of everything, was all washed away with every hit. 

He got to the fifth stroke of the belt when I began truly crying, and by the seventh, I was sobbing into the cushion of the couch. The belt dropped with a clang to the floor, and I was being eased into a standing position before I was wrapped in his arms. 

“Easy, doll.” he soothed, holding me tight to his chest as I sobbed. He knew as good as I did that I wasn’t just crying over the spanking. No. He tried to explain it once to Steve and I when I was seventeen. He spanked us not because he needed it to forgive us, but because he knew we needed it to forgive ourselves. I didn’t understand at first what he meant, but a few years later, I have never been so grateful to have a fella who knew what I needed even before I did. 

He moved us to the couch where I sat between his legs, being comforted by him. He rocked us from side to side, pressing kisses to my hair and whispering soft words in my ear. I eventually calmed down, and the sting in my backside disappeared thanks to the fast healing, but I never made a move to get up. 

Bucky caught on that I just needed some physical comfort, and kicked his legs up onto the small coffee table, and pulled a blanket over us. I began dozing into a restful sleep when the sound of the door opening startled me a little. I went to sit up, but was coaxed back down by Bucky’s hand on the back of my head. 

“It’s just Steve, baby girl.” he said quietly, trying to keep the peaceful atmosphere that we had going on. Steve’s hand appeared on my back before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my head. 

“Think you are going to make it?” he teased, sitting down next to us. I turned to look at him and stuck my tongue out, but grabbed his hand with mine. He wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore. I ran my thumb over where the simple gold band had once been, missing the way I used to toy with it during times like this. 

“I still got it.” he said quietly, drawing my attention to his face. He reached down into this shirt and pulled out his dog tags, which had the gold band dangling next to them. “After the procedure, it didn’t fit anymore. I made the nurse promise to keep it safe, which she did. But, I about cried in front of everyone when I couldn’t put it on. Been meaning to find a shop to buy a new one, but..” he trailed off with a shrug, looking at Bucky with a somber smile. 

I will never forget the day when we exchanged those rings. How Steve and I wept at the beauty of them. They weren’t anything extravagant, but there were days when we didn’t have enough food for the three of us. So for Bucky to pull out two matching gold bands and mine with a diamond, yeah. I cried a lot that day. 

“We will get you a new one, baby.” Bucky said, reaching down and grasping our hands in his. I smiled, leaning my head back down on his shoulder and staring at our intertwined hands. And for the first time in months, it didn’t feel like we had a war raging all around us. It was just...us. 

\----

I finally got to hear back from Ana. She wrote to me saying there was an attack at the base in Naples so they had to evacuate, but she is safe now. In fact, she decided to take the offer up that we got back on the ship in Salerno and decided to head back to the States. She was sad to hear that we wouldn’t get to see each other again before she left, but was happy that I was alive and even happier that I was with my soulmates. Apparently, nobody else but me made it from my team. Abe was the other one who underwent the torture with me, but he never made it out of the base. They found him dead on the table a few rooms down from me. When I asked about the other men, Bucky’s face grew grim and told me it would be best if I didn’t know. 

I met the Howling Commandos today. They were..quite the bunch. I had been walking around the base with Steve when we came across a familiar face. Timothy Dugan, or Dum Dum, was the one who found me on the table at the HYDRA base. He was a nice guy, very chipper with a side of sarcasm that rivaled mine. I instantly took a liking to him. 

Then there was Jim Morita, who was acting as the team’s current medic. He was nice enough, he seemed pleased as pie to meet ‘Cap’s girl’ finally. He said that all those two ever did was talk about me. He laughed when I blushed crimson, saying he could see what they meant. Whatever that was supposed to mean. 

Gabe Jones was a sweet fella. He was colored, not that I gave two shits about that. I never understood why people did, especially with people like Gabe. He was from Georgia, and that was pretty much all I learned about him. That and he liked to drink, go figure. 

Jacques Dernier was from France, and was actually part of the French resistance before he was captured. He didn’t speak much English, but he seemed nice enough. 

Then finally, there was James Montgomery. He is from England, but was also captured by the Germans. He was quiet, but like the others seemed nice enough. He managed to bring a smile out of me when he and Dugan began fighting over what the proper liquor I should be drinking when they promised we would go to the local pub later before our mission. He said I should be drinking a single malt scotch, while Dugan said any lady from the States should be drinking bourbon. Little did they know I preferred moonshine now. 

That little meeting spurred on the chain of events that led to my soulmates and I sitting at the small table in the kitchen, discussing where to go from here. 

“See? They are good guys.” Steve said with a smile, as if that would make everything better. I rolled my eyes, pushing my small dinner around on my plate to avoid conversion. Who would've thought we would still have to deal with rations, even if we were bunking with Steve. “Mary ea your food.” Bucky chastised when I began mixing the slimy looking meat with whatever gravy was poured on it. I lifted my lip, but forced myself to take a bite. 

“I still don’t want to go on a mission. Can’t I just stay here?” I asked with a small pout. We were due to leave in the morning. Turns out, the Howling Commandos do exactly what we were sent to do on my last mission. Destroy HYDRA bases. When I found that out, my heart sank and I ended up in a full blown panic that took both of my boys to calm me down. I didn’t want to put myself in the position where I would go back to a base and run the risk of being captured again. Sure, I had my husbands to protect me, but it was the principle of it. 

“No, baby. We talked about this. We are bringing you so we can protect you ourselves. Nothing will happen to you. You will be with one of us at all times, or in the truck with someone else. We won’t leave you alone. Not here and not out there.” Bucky said, making me scowl. I knew I wouldn’t win this argument, but I truly did not want to go back to a HYDRA base after everything. Going in the field simply as a nurse? Not too bad. Going with my husbands to a base as a field medic on the chance that they get hurt or possibly tortured, bad. 

“I don’t feel comfortable going.” I said, placing my fork down and looking at Bucky who was across from me at our tiny little table. He raised his brow, putting his fork down and leaning back in his chair. Steve let out a small sigh before his arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me into his lap. It was still so amazing to me that our little Steve could now manhandle me like I weighed nothing. 

“We won’t let anything happen to you doll. You know that.” Steve said, nuzzling his nose into my hair before leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my neck. 

“You can’t say that. You don’t know what they are capable of.” I said, leaning back into his embrace while keeping my eyes on Bucky. He was the decision maker of our trio, and in stressful times we relied on him to help us make decisions when we are lost on what to do. Steve and I were more ‘submissive’ in nature, and Bucky never had a problem taking the lead and making hard decisions for the two of us. Which is exactly what I needed right now. 

“Mary, when you married us do you remember what we said that night? Or before I left? Steve and I promised we would do everything in our power to protect you. To make sure no harm ever comes to you. We meant that, they weren’t just words. If you truly aren’t comfortable going out there, we can have you stay here with Peggy. We aren’t sure how long this one is going to take though, and I need you to understand all sides of this situation. We really only have a few options.” Bucky said before sighing and rubbing his face tiredly. Looks like he was having a struggle with this too. 

I sighed, looking back at Steve who was silent during our little exchange up to this point besides his quiet assurances. 

“What do you think, doll?” I asked, craning my head up to press a kiss to the soft skin on his neck. I smirked when a shiver ran through his body, looking over at Bucky who wore a similar smug look. Our poor boy, sometimes Buck and I would team up and absolutely wreck him, he was just so sensitive. 

“I think you need to stop that so I can think properly. This is a very serious situation.” he said, nipping at my earlobe before looking at Bucky. 

“So serious.” I mocked, squealing with laughter when a pair of hands appeared at my sides to tickle me. I pushed Steve’s hands away before settling into him again. Forcing myself to put on a serious face. 

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop. Seriously, what are we going to do with me? I don’t want to go back out there. What if Zola is at the base? He already fucked with me once, what if he does it again? Or worse, what if he does it to one of you?” I rambled, getting worked up the more I talked. 

Bucky’s lips pursed at that, stiffening in his chair. His eyes studied Steve and I, and he shook his head firmly. 

“That won’t happen. I won’t let it. I’ve made up my mind, you are coming with us. Consider it as an order, not from me but from your Captain. Shit, even the Colenoel put you on our team. I won’t leave you here at the base. You saw what happened to Naples. Bases are getting bombed left and right. If we are going to die, I at least want to die protecting one of ya. We leave in the morning.” Bucky said before walking towards the living room. 

I sighed, leaning heavily back into Steve. War was not easy, that was becoming more evident the longer I was overseas. 

“I know, baby. You just gotta trust him. He knows what’s best, even if we don’t think it at the time. You know that.” Steve soothed, nuzzling into my neck before placing a soft kiss there. 

“I know. I just can’t help but worry.” I said, playing with one of his large hands that laid on my thigh. He hummed into my skin, nipping softly at the skin. 

“Want me to help distract you until we leave in the morning?” He breathed into my skin. I shivered at his words, goosebumps appearing on my skin. 

“We gonna include Buck?” I asked breathily, angling my neck to the side so he had more access to my skin. We hadn’t done anything intimate since Brooklyn, and the thought of it had my hands clammy and my heart pounding. I felt like that little school girl again who snuck over to Bucky’s house when his ma and pa were out to dinner with his sisters to seal the bond with my soulmates. 

“I don’t know. What do you think?” Steve teased, helping me up so we were standing in the middle of the kitchenette, the front of his solid body pressed tightly against me. 

“Why don’t you go ask him?” He said, pushing me forward towards the living area. 

“Buck?” I called, my confidence rising as I realized what was about to go on. Like I said, it’s been months since I’ve gotten intimate with my soulmates, and boy howdy was I ready for it. 

“Yes, my darling?” Bucky said from his spot on the couch, the daily paper in front of him. I looked back at Steve for encouragement, smiling when he leaned against the door frame to watch us. He always liked to watch things get started before joining in himself. 

I sauntered up to Bucky, being sure to sway my hips just a little for Steve. 

“What do you say we have a little husband and wife time before we leave tomorrow. Ya know, just in case we don’t get the chance to do it again.” I said, gently grabbing the paper from his hands and placing it behind me on the small table. 

“Really? Is that what you want to do?” Bucky asked, placing his hands on my hips and looking up at me with a smirk. I didn’t even have to ask if he was in the mood, he always was. He was a damn horn dog. 

“Well, if you don’t want to I am sure Steve won’t mind starting things off.” I teased, laughing when he stood up quickly, tucking his shoulder into my hip before tossing me over his shoulder. 

“Nope. But he can join, come on baby. Let’s show our girl what she’s been missing.” Bucky called back to Steve, guiding us both to the bedroom.


End file.
